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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

Not a submersible, you’re thinking of the Italian surface navy. Maybe an Italian concept car utilizing that new 1914 fad of streamlining. Love the brass horn above the rear wheel splash guard.


8,041 posted on 05/12/2016 5:30:41 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Yes, that’s a tasteful detail.


8,042 posted on 05/12/2016 5:32:27 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NicknamedBob

Looks like the grand daddy of Bucky Fuller’s Dymaxion....


8,043 posted on 05/12/2016 5:32:33 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Kittens start my day for sure.
I will need to remove the sites on here and put the Dell back up. Hopefully, they will refund the eight days I haven’t used.
What a pain.


8,044 posted on 05/12/2016 5:32:34 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Tax-chick
No doubt added by a design team member who went on to design those Italian Espresso extravaganzas.


8,045 posted on 05/12/2016 5:36:33 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Those parts would all break right off as soon as Bill the Son started using it.


8,046 posted on 05/12/2016 5:37:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Monkey Face

I need to do dome filing and sorting, today, too.

I’ve already filled four plastical bags of stuff that I don’t want, and will take it to the community room for the residents to fight over. And fight they will, if more than one person sees it.


8,047 posted on 05/12/2016 5:38:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

Wow, that’s an impressive purge of Stuff You Don’t Want. I will do mine when everyone old enough to object goes to Seabase in August ;-).

I’m cleaning biology experiments out of the refrigerator this morning. I also have to inventory the frozen foods. Later I’ll go to Walmart and get some new food.


8,048 posted on 05/12/2016 6:29:19 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

You’ll have to excuse me while I change. Stay tuned.


8,049 posted on 05/12/2016 6:37:50 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

Don’t change too much - I love you the way you are!


8,050 posted on 05/12/2016 6:43:10 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick
I move that visits to relatives, especially when combined with a 3090 mile trip by car, no longer count as “vacations”.
8,051 posted on 05/12/2016 6:43:58 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Motion passed by universal acclamation. 95% of acclamation is coming from my mother, who had to take “vacations” to Missouri from all over the country.

If relatives want to see us, they are welcome to come here, or join us at the beach.


8,052 posted on 05/12/2016 6:45:34 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Covenantor

Buckminster Fuller design?


8,053 posted on 05/12/2016 6:59:23 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void
Yup...Buckminster Fuller's 1933 design.

Bucky Fuller's Dymaxion Car


8,054 posted on 05/12/2016 7:09:24 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

He was weird.


8,055 posted on 05/12/2016 7:11:40 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Covenantor

8,056 posted on 05/12/2016 7:12:13 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Tax-chick

:o])

I’m back. Finally, after a call to Dell. *sigh*
And I deleted all my favorites for nothing. The computer knows where they are... *groan*

Now I’m going to read something uplifting for 30 minutes. Maybe I’ll feel better after that.


8,057 posted on 05/12/2016 8:23:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

Excellent idea! I’m giving the Offspring a lunch of leftover this-and-that, such leftover as were still reasonably edible rather than toxic waste.


8,058 posted on 05/12/2016 8:26:03 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m having a snack of Swiss cheese and crackers because I don’t want anything heavy. And some hibiscus tea.

I almost fell asleep while I was reading. Sitting up. That’s weird. It seems I’m always sleepy these days, and I don’t know why. :o|


8,059 posted on 05/12/2016 9:03:49 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

I had a corn on the cob, leftover from Saturday’s Webelos cookout, and a wrap with spinach (used up one open package of spinach).

We have a lot of leaves of various sorts, not counting what’s in the garden. They’ll have to be included in many meals.

About ready to go to Walmart. Pat and Vlad need to come because they need shorts.


8,060 posted on 05/12/2016 9:08:01 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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