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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: MUDDOG
"As good as the famous poets."

Well ... shucks thanks!

The "famous poets" were who inspired me. To me, that's poetry.

Anything less, I consider mere pretense.

Another sample, if you wouldn't mind; my only sonnet (if, that is, I got the form right).

Sonnet to Almost Spring

The flowers stir, and stretch their tender shoots,
Awakened by a warmth come softly seeping,
“Rise up!” the call has traced their hidden roots,
To rouse them from their winter’s peaceful sleeping.

The den of slumbers has become,
A din of noisy childish clatter.
Impetuous and impish in its sum,
They split the earth and clamber up its ladder.

Emerging into sunlit air, and softening caresses,
Of nurture at its basest form, the soil on which we stand,
Which all too quickly grips them and compresses,
As night falls much too early in the land.

False spring has lured them out. Cruel season’s dying play,
Receding from the shores of Spring, the Winter ebbs away.

NicknamedBob . . . . . . . . . March 17, 2007

7,961 posted on 05/10/2016 6:36:20 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

The sonnet is a deeper poem than the cat poem, and more intellectual. The cat poem grabbed me immediately. The sonnet requires more study. My initial impression: like Keats’ “To Autumn” in the richness of the language, and Shelley’s “Sensitive Plant” in its empathy.

But the end result is fresh and not derivative.

Bravo!


7,962 posted on 05/10/2016 6:51:48 PM PDT by MUDDOG
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To: MUDDOG
"Bravo!"

I really appreciate your saying that.

I'll try to remember to bug you sometimes when I have something to get off my chest.

7,963 posted on 05/10/2016 7:01:57 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Any time.

I like well-crafted language, whether it’s called poetry or called prose.

Your work qualifies!


7,964 posted on 05/10/2016 7:15:27 PM PDT by MUDDOG
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To: MUDDOG

A style all my own; didactic pentameter.


7,965 posted on 05/10/2016 7:31:57 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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So a Facepagething friend in New Jersey is complaining about the pollen..


7,966 posted on 05/10/2016 9:16:24 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; moose07; Gefn
Old cat ping..

World’s Oldest Cat Dethroned by Even Older Cat Scooter


7,967 posted on 05/10/2016 9:51:22 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Darn, that’s an old cat.


7,968 posted on 05/11/2016 2:22:22 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

7,969 posted on 05/11/2016 2:24:24 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

7,970 posted on 05/11/2016 2:25:25 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: MUDDOG; NicknamedBob
Five hundred years from now,
School children will sob.
“Oh, not that bore Shakespeare,again!”
“We want Nicknamed Bob !”
7,971 posted on 05/11/2016 3:51:10 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That must be one well maintained Kittie.
So many Mice, so little time.


7,972 posted on 05/11/2016 4:00:01 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; moose07
Morning all....


7,973 posted on 05/11/2016 4:01:11 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz

They have removed the Magic ingredient from Sudafed.
Nanny State strikes again.


7,974 posted on 05/11/2016 4:01:42 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

Look closely at what the “Billy the Kid Kitty” is sitting on. Looks like a small semi-auto pistol.


7,975 posted on 05/11/2016 4:05:31 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn

Good Morning to You All. :)

“Therapy Dogs in training being read to.”
I read it as : “Therapy Dogs in training to read.”


7,976 posted on 05/11/2016 4:05:48 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Covenantor; moose07

I think it’s a keyring, perhaps with a flashlight on it.

Cute puppies.


7,977 posted on 05/11/2016 4:22:56 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: moose07

They’re all blonde...won’t make a difference.


7,978 posted on 05/11/2016 4:24:40 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LoL.

#BlondDogscanreadtoo.

GoldenLab, ChocolateLab, BlackLab, BlondLab, MethLab.


7,979 posted on 05/11/2016 4:40:19 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Giving dogs meth is not a great idea.


7,980 posted on 05/11/2016 4:42:20 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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