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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: null and void

Oh..

Anacin. ;-)


7,441 posted on 04/27/2016 12:21:23 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; ArGee

My problem is that the document is complete, but I never inserted page numbers as I went because I didn’t know how on OO. I could do it on Win 7 and Win XP, but not on this.

My OO is only a couple of months old from the download, and I noticed that they had changed some things.

I had a problem yesterday of getting the computer to accept the document as it was written, in the OO format. I didn’t know what to do, but I thought I would start with the Uninstall tweak and see what was there that I didn’t recognize. One thing I had put on was Adobe, and that messed everything up by defaulting documents. No. Not going to accept that.

So I deleted AA and looked for anything else that I didn’t recognize. Sure enough: three programs were there that I had no clue about, and figured they must have piggy backed on something I downloaded.

Then I went back to the document and was able to open it with OO, which means, of course, that I can amend it if I want. So I want. I want to add page numbers.

ArGee sent me a link and I found the thing I needed, but I’m too tired to mess with it without making lots of mistakes. But before I begin the messing, I WILL make a copy!

Actually, I thought this particular document was lost when one of my PCs had to be repaired, but I had had foresight enough to put it on a flash drive. I will copy it to the Toshiba hard drive. That way, I can keep it.


7,442 posted on 04/27/2016 12:53:00 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

They’re a good-looking breed.


7,443 posted on 04/27/2016 12:57:50 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Monkey Face

Maybe it’s dementia. It’s always safe to assume that people who act weirdly have dementia.


7,444 posted on 04/27/2016 12:58:32 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

I don’t know, but I’m sure he won’t talk to me again, but I’m going to send him a note apologizing for my part in it. After that, he can do or say what he wants.

He’s diabetic and doesn’t take care of himself, but it could be that he is just a jerk on top of it.

Still, he embarrassed himself by going off on me in front of those people, and I feel bad about that.


7,445 posted on 04/27/2016 1:07:31 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

The note is very kind. It could be he’ll have forgotten by tomorrow ;-).


7,446 posted on 04/27/2016 1:38:57 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, if I’ve learned anything living among “old folks,” it’s that a lot of them have trouble forgetting, much less, forgiving a wrong, whether it’s real or imagined. And because of that, they spend a lot of their time obsessing about the wrong-doer and spreading ugly gossip.

If I forgive him and apologize to him, then he will have no ammunition without lying. I don’t think he is a liar. A jerk, maybe, but not a liar. :o]


7,447 posted on 04/27/2016 1:51:16 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Tax-chick

Beautiful but lean toward mean. Louie only loved me. Bit everyone else. When he died my mother said the only person who missed him was me. :-)


7,448 posted on 04/27/2016 2:20:37 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Monkey Face

Sounds like a plan!

Frank had a collision with the floor at the gym nursery. He’ll have a bump on his head. Learning experiences ...


7,449 posted on 04/27/2016 4:19:44 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

That’s good to know. We’ve never had one. Our current cats are a 10-year-old calico and a 7-year-old brown tabby.


7,450 posted on 04/27/2016 4:20:36 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

I had a mostly Siamese with a little Persian in her and she was the sweetest cat ever. Lived to be almost 20. She was not sorry to see Louie go. LOL!


7,451 posted on 04/27/2016 4:45:31 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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7,452 posted on 04/28/2016 12:14:20 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

7,453 posted on 04/28/2016 2:32:59 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick; Gefn; SandyInSeattle

7,454 posted on 04/28/2016 2:34:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

.....a collision with the floor.....

Gravity playing its dirty tricks again.
Just occasionally it puckers up like an old Rug and blam! Got Ya!
Unlike Newton, Gravity has a sense of Humour. A sick one , but a sense of Humour.


7,455 posted on 04/28/2016 4:07:29 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

Good Morning.
The Sun is out today. But the Wind is still from the North.
Last night was a hard Frost.


7,456 posted on 04/28/2016 4:11:51 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Wow. Last night was warm here. Jake stayed out all night. Now he’s decided that he’ll accept his bed on top of the frightening new plastic bin.


7,457 posted on 04/28/2016 4:31:09 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

I always told my kids those were “smart bumps.” :o]

Naturally, I didn’t sleep well last night, thinking about the little set-to yesterday, but I just finished an apology and as soon as I learn what apartment he lives in, I will put that on the envelope and drop it in the mail. I would deliver it personally, but I don’t think he would appreciate that.

It’s raining, and I have the beginnings of a migraine, thinking about the trip into Vegas. If I don’t go in once a month, they won’t give me a new prescription for morphine. Extortion.

There are two accidents on the US 95, and several others around town, so I’ll give myself time to drive safely. The traffic guy says the accidents are increasing. Just what I need — it’s not even rush hour.

And I’ve decided I don’t like my haircut. I told her what I wanted when I went in, but she talked me out of it, so now I’ll have to go back and have it re-done. Dang!


7,458 posted on 04/28/2016 4:49:59 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Tax-chick

Floofy litter of kittehs this morning.

I’m listening to the rain. It sounds so pretty and calming. I need that.

At least my car will be semi-clean on the top. The sides will be pretty ugly by the time I make the drive over and back. *sigh*


7,459 posted on 04/28/2016 4:55:03 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

Bummer about the haircut. At least it’s still under warranty, right? Mine is almost always too short when it’s cut, but that fixes itself in a week.

We have a bit of rain ... just enough for everyone who steps outside to track mud in.


7,460 posted on 04/28/2016 5:14:00 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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