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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Good Afternoon Face.
The Sun is out and all is well with the world.
Whatever was in that last cup of tea sure has enhanced the colours.... :D
How’s Face?


7,341 posted on 04/25/2016 8:50:23 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s snowing here.


7,342 posted on 04/25/2016 8:51:20 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Tax-chick

I was going to go to Walmart, but I don’t feel like going today. Maybe early in the morning.

The bed is still waiting to be made, so I haven’t really finished the laundry...I guess.

But I do want to lie down, so I will have to make it, soon!


7,343 posted on 04/25/2016 9:28:03 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: moose07

Face is better today, but still fighting a stubborn infection. Maybe it will go away soon.

And we have rain! Our normal temp for this time of year is 80, but today, we won’t even get up 68.

But that’s OK: I can put on enough clothes to keep warm, but I can’t take off enough to keep cool! :o])


7,344 posted on 04/25/2016 9:34:51 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: moose07
Gargling with Listerine works wonders on colds and flu. Really clears things out...ahem.

Caught me just in time. Was mixing wasabi, cayenne pepper and 100 proof vodka for a backwash. My mix requires a five point harness and a roll cage to brace for 9G reaction. Turbo setting. ;>)

7,345 posted on 04/25/2016 10:01:10 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Monkey Face
Moose News:
*Brought to you in conjunction with some fizzy drink or other*

Was recommended Hibiscus tea for the hypertension the other day.
Haven't carried out any of my own "Clinical Studies" on it yet, but it is very relaxing.
Reminds me of the Sixties...I don't remember them, so I must have been there...LOL!

WikiLink

There is some clinical study suggesting that consumption of hibiscus tea may lower blood pressure, but the quality of studies is poor. There is no reliable evidence to support recommending hibiscus tea for the treatment of high blood pressure or primary hypertension. Hibiscus tea is generally well tolerated and does not adversely effect liver and kidney function at lower doses, but it may be hepatotoxic at high doses. Hibiscus flowers contain anthocyanins, which are believed to be the active antihypertensive compounds, acting as angiotensin-converting enzyme (ACE) inhibitors

7,346 posted on 04/25/2016 10:04:50 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Covenantor

“wasabi, cayenne pepper and 100 proof vodka “

JHTFC!. Can I watch? :D


7,347 posted on 04/25/2016 10:06:25 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick; ArGee; Monkey Face

Frequently I have hilarious dreams... also in colors at times...


7,348 posted on 04/25/2016 10:09:49 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

ISP has banned splodey vid uploads from my account

:>(


7,349 posted on 04/25/2016 10:38:32 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

I wonder if hibiscus is anything like chamomile tea? When I order my next batch of supplements, I will check to see if it’s available. Thanks! :o]


7,350 posted on 04/25/2016 11:14:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Covenantor

All of my dreams are in color, and that means that at certain times, they are rather disconcerting, if not downright scary. I don’t think I have ever dreamed in black and white.


7,351 posted on 04/25/2016 11:15:53 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Monkey Face; Covenantor; ArGee; Salamander

I just went out in the garage to get a can of soda and found a 3- to 4-foot black rat snake. Probably means we’d picked up a rodent!

It went under the extra seat for the van; hopefully it will leave before the kids bother it too much.


7,352 posted on 04/25/2016 11:17:32 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

One of my garters has resurfaced.

I’m still awaiting the other one and the black snake who lives here.

Worrying, until they show up.


7,353 posted on 04/25/2016 11:22:37 AM PDT by Salamander (We're pain, we're steel, a plot of knives...)
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To: Tax-chick

Unfortunately, I don’t share your affinity for snakes. I hope it escapes the clutches of your chi’run...


7,354 posted on 04/25/2016 11:25:06 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Salamander

Elen asked if we can catch it, but I reminded her that the only reason we haven’t gotten a ball python from my friend at Cub Scouts is that she didn’t want to pay for the cage. She’s going to PetsMart to look at cages ;-), but will probably decide it’s too expensive.


7,355 posted on 04/25/2016 11:25:52 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Covenantor; moose07

wasabi, cayenne pepper and everclesr..

I hear torpedoes run well on that mix..


7,356 posted on 04/25/2016 11:26:52 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s hiding, but even if the door is down, it can get out when it’s ready.


7,357 posted on 04/25/2016 11:27:22 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Covenantor

Any fuel left over doubles the warhead yield.


7,358 posted on 04/25/2016 11:34:42 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

A Snake in the Garage.....
Is it a safe one or armed like a Texas Ranger?


7,359 posted on 04/25/2016 11:37:52 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Harmless, unless you’re a small rodent.


7,360 posted on 04/25/2016 11:38:14 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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