Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Came up on a search for “Hawaii pictures.” I didn’t think I would like the results if I searched for “cabana boy.”
What the heck is “noni?”
A tropical fruit whose juice is said to cure everything.
Ah. K. Thanks.
It can’t be better than colloidial silver...
I think hanging out on the beach indefinitely would cure everything.
And oldie but a goodie...
A funny story of life!
On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years.
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
And God said that it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God again said that it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch
I made it to church, but it was Stake Conference, and the meeting wasn’t to start until 1000; it was then only 0835. So I came back home.
It wouldn’t have been over with until noon, and I just wasn’t feeling well enough to do that. The chills and fever are back, and I’m getting very tired.
But I will try to stay up for a while longer. And I don’t know why...
You’re right. It’s so old I’ve never seen it before!
How’s your day going? I finished up the makeup lessons for my Sacrament class: lesson 4 with Isabella before Mass, lesson 1&2 with Christopher and Carolina after Mass. Now I’m having a small Restorative.
DP decided to paint the end table and the tv cabinet. As you may recall, they were previously light brown (natural pine, aged). Now they’re light blue-green. He’s trying for a beach house look.
Too bad about the scheduling glitch. We had a visiting priest from “Food for the Poor.” He talked about Haiti. It’s a terrible place! They’re a very good charity.
I wrote a short letter to the manager about the pathway that one of the maintenance men put down for those of us who are still able to walk. His supervisor doesn’t want the path there, and told Carlos to dig it up and plant grass.
So a bunch of us got together and decided that we want that path, that before it had been torn out several years ago, it was a sidewalk. The ADA Compliance crew came in at that time and did things to comply with ADA laws. HAH!
They didn’t bother to consult us, and as a result, the handicapped parking spaces are no longer close to the buildings: They are in areas that have been dug out, built up and WAY far away from the buildings, and there aren’t as many as there were before the ADA started to play with the property.
Little “fences” were added to the sidewalks over the drainage areas, which was a good idea, but they also ran a chain link fend across the back of one building where a pipe fence already was — no one goes back there except maintenance, to mow, and the occasional TV satellite installer.
Two of the sidewalks were dug up and in their places were put “zigzag” sidewalks so the angle of descent was in compliance. And “our” sidewalk was completely taken out. And not replaced. We even offered to buy the paving stones ourselves just so we didn’t have to walk on the “grass” and mud.
I will deliver it tomorrow, and hope the pathway is left alone.
I cannot imagine the end table and the TV cabinet being blue-green... What was he THINKING???
I would like a Restorative, but I’m not going anywhere.
It’s OK about the scheduling glitch. No one bothered to tell me. I’ll try again next week to get to church. Maybe by then, I will be feeling better, anyway.
The color will be a surprise for a while, but the new furniture that is coming on Friday is dark blue, so the whole room *should* work.
Perhaps you can take a photo of the new things with the new paint job so we can enjoy it, too!
I’m happy that you’re getting new furniture. Sofa and loveseat?
I’m taking my achy body to bed.
See ya...
Sofa and loveseat. Big loveseat, almost as long as the sofa.
bttt
Nice Hearth Rug. :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.