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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick; SandyInSeattle
checked for UTI?

That and bladder stones. Especially if it's a lot of frequent little puddles as opposed to a big puddle less frequently.

6,401 posted on 04/07/2016 1:13:56 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; SandyInSeattle

Wednesday’s piddling was a UTI - lots of little puddles.


6,402 posted on 04/07/2016 1:16:55 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face
Re: *tagline*

Only if your skin has chloroplasts in place of melanin..

6,403 posted on 04/07/2016 1:18:39 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face

We could be eggplant.


6,404 posted on 04/07/2016 1:23:46 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz

Well, in that case, I guess we could choose which one we want to be! I’d rather be a cucumber! LOL!


6,405 posted on 04/07/2016 1:38:16 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Tax-chick; All

It’s 84 degrees outside, and still a thin layer of overcast. I used my night-driving glasses today instead of sunglasses, and I think that’s why my eyes aren’t quite as strained as they would have been, otherwise. I don’t wear them often, but this is one time I’m very glad I did.

We had a little excitement today at the middle school next door. There were four fire trucks and probably as many ambulances with about a dozen police cars, all heading for the school, long about 1030. I don’t have a “full report” of it, but it would seem there was a fire.

The school was on lock-down, I heard, which made no sense if it was a fire, and the first thing I thought of, given today’s wicked society, was a hostage situation.

All I can say is, Henderson has The. Best. Police. Force. in the entire county of Clark!


6,406 posted on 04/07/2016 1:53:22 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick
Eggplant..

Umm.. I'm not picturing cucumber Parmesan..

If anyone makes it, I'm thinking I don't need a sample. ;-)

6,407 posted on 04/07/2016 1:54:09 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I make a cold cucumber soup with cilantro.


6,408 posted on 04/07/2016 1:55:55 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Well, I wouldn’t bake a cucumber, anyway...

;o])


6,409 posted on 04/07/2016 2:04:37 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Tax-chick

I would eat that soup without the cilantro. I’ve never learned to like that stuff...


6,410 posted on 04/07/2016 2:05:27 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s genetic.


6,411 posted on 04/07/2016 2:06:25 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I recall an uncle who used to visit us from Colonia Juarez, in Mexico, and he taught me a few rudimentary Spanish/Mexican words, and he always brought the latest recipe from the Colony. I never encountered cilantro until I was in Del Rio, and the first time it hit my mouth, I spit it out. Sorry, but it’s just NOT a food item I would grow in my own garden.

In fact, wherever I see it called for in a recipe, I always substitute parsley. Or leave them both out.


6,412 posted on 04/07/2016 2:15:48 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face

Literally, it’s genetic. They’ve observed the genetic marker, just as they’ve observed a marker for cats who are crazy about catnip vs. cats who are indifferent.


6,413 posted on 04/07/2016 2:18:02 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
I make a cold cucumber soup with cilantro.

That works. Never thought about the cilantro thing being genetic though. Wasn't aware that was a component in my mostly Germanic DNA.. ;-)

Green Gazpacho

..or maybe

Chef John's White Gazpacho

6,414 posted on 04/07/2016 2:40:09 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick
taught me a few rudimentary Spanish/Mexican words..

;-)

Growing up in Ohio the Mexicans I ran into were mostly migrant workers. I learned some Spanish words from them.

Problem with that is that I don't even use those words in English anymore..

6,415 posted on 04/07/2016 2:45:11 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick
Cilantro
You learn something new everyday on here.

Coriander, also known as cilantro, or Chinese parsley is an annual herb in the family Apiaceae. Coriander is native to regions spanning from southern Europe and northern Africa to southwestern Asia. It is a soft plant growing to 50 cm tall.

6,416 posted on 04/07/2016 2:48:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Mexicans don’t talk like that around me. They call me “Miss Tax-chick” or “La Senora Tax-chick” or sometimes “Mami,” if they’re toddlers, and everyone minds his or her language. For one thing, they can’t be sure how much Spanish I understand ;-).


6,417 posted on 04/07/2016 2:49:57 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07

Parsley can get very tall. I get parsley shrubs up to 50 cm tall - at least! - in my front garden.


6,418 posted on 04/07/2016 2:50:48 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: ArGee

Pain and the IRS in one sentence...


6,419 posted on 04/07/2016 3:01:06 PM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face
Re: *The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.*

"Only if your skin has chloroplasts in place of melanin.."

Like the characters in John Scalzi's "Old Man's War".

But anyway, 'Face, regarding your tagline; I have a poem about that.

"A Well Of Joy" ( -- phrase by Joel Osteen)

There is a well of joy in you,
An ocean in your blood.
Be glad for this component,
The rest of you is mud.

Deep down inside your spirit,
A depth of strength and love,
Wells up to bring the zest to life,
A gift from up above.

When parched by circumstances,
Or reeling from a blow,
Tap into depths of energy,
Unlimited below.

The lifting of this resource,
Will lift you up as well,
To slake your thirst for happiness,
In places that you dwell.

The desert land of loneliness,
The mountains of despair,
Are quite improved by tiny sips,
Of nectar you can share.

Just reach inside your spirit,
The recipe is this,
When desolation comes to call,
Give it a sloppy kiss!

NicknamedBob . . . July 8, 2007

6,420 posted on 04/07/2016 3:01:14 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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