ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Darksheare]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrPZ1unJH4g

Or that one..

[Tax-chick]

Sounds like the noises the byos make when they’re handing around together.

[Tax-chick]

I’m not sure they’re human.

[Darksheare]

Hmm.. baud rate audio connections.

[NoCmpromiz]

Some of those trax made SID work back in the days when the IBM PC only beeped..

[moose07]

Ah,
Hope you found what you need.

[Tax-chick]

It’s not in their dental fillings ... they have good teeth.

[Gefn]

Darks plays the guitar? Wow!!!!

[NoCmpromiz]

Well if not he can at least look at this..

Photographer Found the Shark From Finding Nemo

[NoCmpromiz]

When did he tell you that lie?? ;-)

[Darksheare]

Unfortunately not.
:-/

[stephenjohnbanker]

LMAO!

[Darksheare]

Yup.

[Tax-chick]

I hope you didn’t get the idea that Darksheare is playing guitar at my house. It was actually Elen.

[Gefn]

Yay for Elen! Future Hendrix?

[Tax-chick]

Oh, I hope not!

I think she’s “alternative,” whatever that is.

[Covenantor]

I think she’s “alternative,” whatever that is.

I believe that means a musical alternative to what was alt.music the week before, a virtual perpetual motion thingee...it never stops.

[Tax-chick]

According to Bill, one of the characteristics of truly alternative music is that nobody other than yoursef - including your bandmates - likes it.

[Gefn]

I like Dar Williams and Ingrid Michaelson. Even my folks like them.

[Covenantor]

According to Bill, one of the characteristics of truly alternative music is that nobody other than yoursef - including your bandmates - likes it.

Well, then that accounts for the lack of inroads on any sort of pop chart.

alt.band.name.nihilist.snow.flakes

Tell Bill he's free to use...little chance of getting any royalties, huh?