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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face
Lots..

At least so says that repository of the sum of all the knowledge in the universe Wikipedia..

Book of Esther..

5,601 posted on 03/24/2016 12:05:32 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Oh. My. That will require a second reading, as it was far more complex than I expected. Thanks!


5,602 posted on 03/24/2016 12:20:50 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: ArGee

Not like that here. The city had the water to the park turned off for the winter so the pipes wouldn’t freeze.


5,603 posted on 03/24/2016 12:36:48 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I think there is no park in the valley that has the water shut off in the “winter.”

The homeless try to “live” in the parks and there is such an outcry by the citizenry that the city has to expand the facilities that cater to the homeless. At any given time, the homeless population in the valley is 15,000, +/- 200.


5,604 posted on 03/24/2016 12:48:33 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

The doors were locked, too. We were irritated when we found out about it, but it saved the city a good amount of money, not having to heat the bathrooms.


5,605 posted on 03/24/2016 12:53:54 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

“would be rather noisy...”

Not for long.
If your birth certificate is missing it clears up any arguments there may be..
I did it suggest this for Barry some years ago, on a sensible thread, there where no replies. :)


5,606 posted on 03/24/2016 1:00:42 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Just to clarify :
By Sensible thread, I mean a thread where more than 50% of the comments are relevant to the original posting.


5,607 posted on 03/24/2016 1:05:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

If they tried to take a core sample of Barry all they would find is a vacuous vacantness of vast volume..


5,608 posted on 03/24/2016 1:07:55 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

When did that ever apply to FR?


5,609 posted on 03/24/2016 1:09:14 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face

But on a much grander scale.

5,610 posted on 03/24/2016 1:13:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: NoCmpromiz
Every time there is a Full Blue Moon coinciding with the landing of an Alien Spacecraft in Central park during rush hour that nobody notices.
5,611 posted on 03/24/2016 1:16:12 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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On another note, I see Madonna's Manor in Gotham is again making the news. Has to do with fake 'No Parking' signs and yellow-painted curbing..

Granted, on-street parking in that area is at a premium but this place has a garage and a gated drive. I'm not sure but I think it is a two car garage. Since she and her entourage have at least three black SUV behemoths, only one fits in the garage.

It is really quite nice inside, especially if you favor a lot of black paint which she seems to surround herself with - possibly to match an internal blackness of soul..

If you read the article about the "Manor" carefully you will note one word that explains why I know about the parking, the garage, the SUV's and the black interior..

5,612 posted on 03/24/2016 1:26:15 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

But they don’t land in Central Park anymore. Warren Wilhelm Jr. has given them a secure landing zone at Gracie Mansion..


5,613 posted on 03/24/2016 1:29:58 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

“has given them a secure landing zone at Gracie Mansion..”

Really?
Well then, i’ll not waste anymore of my time hanging around here waiting for one to arrive then.
:D


5,614 posted on 03/24/2016 1:44:02 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick
Listen, you don't have any VHS tapes you rented and forgot to return do you?

I see that it's a crime that's on the radar there now.. ;-)

5,615 posted on 03/24/2016 2:09:36 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07; NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; folks; All

The bed is calling for me to slither into and warm up, so I’m going to obey the call of the wild.

I’ll play solitaire and read until my eyelids slam shut, so I guess I’ll see all y’all tomorrow day!


5,616 posted on 03/24/2016 2:18:08 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

Night Face. :)


5,617 posted on 03/24/2016 2:30:31 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Monkey Face; LibreOuMort

Yes, my husband is excited to be close to Vegas. We will have to finally meet!

I didn’t know Libre ou mort was out this way... I guess I’ve been out of touch.,


5,618 posted on 03/24/2016 2:52:12 PM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn.)
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To: moose07
But if you time your commute properly, you can be driving through the Mayor's Basement when one lands. ;-) Well, officially it's the extension over top of the FDR Drive of Carl Schurz Park on which the Mayor's house is sited but everyone calls it the Mayor's Basememt..

And if you keep driving on that particular route and continue past about 34th street you will be driving on top of some WW2 British history, or the ruble thereof. ;-)

At least till you get to around 23rd street..

5,619 posted on 03/24/2016 3:58:51 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Good night, all. I hope you’re not buried in snow or something.


5,620 posted on 03/24/2016 8:08:09 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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