ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Gefn]

I just learned today is national puppy day.

[Tax-chick]

Makes we want a greyhound ... but not a puppy.

[trisham]

That’s great! :)

[Monkey Face]

I think you should get another greyhound rescue. DP needs one. ;o]

And so does Patrick. <3

[Monkey Face]

It’s all over FB. Makes me want one, but oh, the stress of having to take it for walks! Some days, I just wouldn’t be up to it.

[moose07]

:D
Very accurate.

I know some alleged adults like that as well.
Just add: Alcohol/Responsibility/Peaked Cap, creates instant A-h*le.

[moose07]

“Washington DC for 60 days “

I hope you backed yourself up to a DVD before you went.
Being in town can be mentally damaging.

[Gefn]

I’ve never had a dog. Years ago I had a desk next to a blind man, and totally fell in love with his Lab.

I loved that doggy, I always brought him chew toys and Nyla bones.

[Monkey Face]

I love dogs, but I have enough trouble taking care of myself, so I don’t think I can take care of a dog...

[moose07]

I am forced to put this: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3412874/posts
Here.
Zombies are involved.

[Not A Snowbird]

I should find one!

[null and void]

Where is everybody?

[null and void]

Is this thing on?

[null and void]

Am I logged in?

[null and void]

Do I get 5555?

[NicknamedBob]

With a sibilant hiss of reluctant approval, yessss.

[Tax-chick]

[Tax-chick]

[moose07]

It is,
You are,
Woo Hoo! ^5 ^5 ^5 ^5 !

[moose07]

Good Morning.
Two days to go, then the weekend resumes. :)