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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Darksheare

An epicure, dining at Crewe.


5,521 posted on 03/22/2016 7:50:20 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Today's kitten has a plush place to sit.

5,522 posted on 03/23/2016 3:09:12 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Kitteh!

Hump Day Kitteh!!


5,523 posted on 03/23/2016 4:56:13 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; Gefn

A curious face, looking curiously at the camera, which may seem curious to outsiders. I find that very curious.

OK. I’ve expended my pith for the day. My sinuses are now draining, and my lungs are still acting like I’m at Railroad Pass. I wanted to stay in bed, but habit kept me from acting on that.

So I’m up and waiting to see what mischief I can get into today.


5,524 posted on 03/23/2016 5:07:32 AM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn; stephenjohnbanker
"So I’m up and waiting to see what mischief I can get into today."

Officially, you're supposed to "solemnly swear", but we'll take that as a given.

Let's all wish SJB a happy birthday, eh? If I have calculated it correctly, he's working on his decade of sexagenarianism.

5,525 posted on 03/23/2016 5:25:16 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob; Gefn; Monkey Face; stephenjohnbanker

Morning, all. Happy Birthday, SJB!!!


5,526 posted on 03/23/2016 5:41:11 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face
And I’m off, for now!

I'm just off.

5,527 posted on 03/23/2016 6:00:27 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: NicknamedBob; stephenjohnbanker

Happy Birthday, SJB.

Many happy returns.

Even beter, many happy correct deliveries the first time.


5,528 posted on 03/23/2016 6:03:06 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: ArGee; NicknamedBob; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; stephenjohnbanker

Happy Happy Birthday, SJB!

And many more.


5,529 posted on 03/23/2016 6:19:21 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Monkey Face

Mischief sounds like fun.

I’m still trying to wake up. Once again I stayed up to 2am watching election results.


5,530 posted on 03/23/2016 6:20:38 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: moose07

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/


5,531 posted on 03/23/2016 6:21:48 AM PDT by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Recipe or it never happened.


5,532 posted on 03/23/2016 6:23:08 AM PDT by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: stephenjohnbanker

Happy Birthday, Hottie! *hug*


5,533 posted on 03/23/2016 7:08:08 AM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: null and void; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; Gefn

Apropos of nothing, my dark chocolate muffin was in my backpack, three days stale... *sigh* And I shed an imaginary tear...it will be a very long time before I get back to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf...

And that link was pretty funny, btw. :o])


5,534 posted on 03/23/2016 7:41:23 AM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

Ah. That explains why I couldn’t find it.


5,535 posted on 03/23/2016 8:01:56 AM PDT by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; Gefn; Monkey Face; ArGee

Thank you all very muchly!


5,536 posted on 03/23/2016 8:52:13 AM PDT by stephenjohnbanker (My Batting Average( 1,000) since Nov 2014 (GOPe is that easy to read))
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To: null and void

Yes, I was wondering if you were able to enjoy it. Haha...I no longer have to wonder! LOL! My bad!

I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m very tired this morning, but by-passed a nap. If the wind dies down, I will go out and sit with the peeps for a bit. It was too cold to be out there yesterday, and Charlie was shopping, LuDean was still MIA on her puppy-sitting chore (she is allergic, so I wonder at the wisdom of her even doing it for a family member) and Chuck went out to sit and wait for the mail, but went back inside for a jacket.

The only folks who were out for any length of time were the dog walkers. *shudder* It was just too stinking windy and cold for most of us with thin blood.


5,537 posted on 03/23/2016 9:06:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Tax-chick

I need lots of kitty pics. I’m in Washington DC for 60 days and my kitties are in Washington state. I miss my fur babies.


5,538 posted on 03/23/2016 9:50:58 AM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn.)
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To: SandyInSeattle
Very sorry to hear that! Have you looked in the directory for a Cat Café? I understand they're a thing.


5,539 posted on 03/23/2016 9:59:06 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: NoCmpromiz

My closest one is in Gotham too.

However next spring when my surgeries are done, I’m going in to see the Van Goghs, the Frick, and the Guggenheim. Get a cheap room for one night. And have a Sabretts from a street vendor.

And a cuppa.


5,540 posted on 03/23/2016 10:00:28 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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