Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Don’t tell me you actually made one of those!
I seriously doubt I would have attempted to swallow something make to those specifications back in the days when I was drinking..
I never drank before lunch mind you.
But sometimes I went to lunch around 8:30 in the morning.. ;-)
Actually, no, but I have had Boone’s Farm Apple Wine. I shudder to think of it. :)
Well, you are right of course. On the other hand, there was no real porpoise in either the musical comedy or the action movie.
I think I had that album. I can see the house we lived in at the time ...
Never had apple flavor, but I did have Strawberry Hill flavored.
That was rather awful, too.
Do you or anyone else remember Bartyles and James wine coolers?
Sure....the somewhat upscale version of Boone’s Farm for the discerning stoop sitting drinker.
That’s all we drank in college.
Shudder..
Yep - ‘twas disgusting. Ranks right in there with Ripple and Wild Irish Rose. You know you’re getting quality when you can buy it for $0.99..
But I can claim I was younger then. I think.
I’d forgotten about the complex, rich and buttery taste of Ripple. :)
By the time they were all the rage, I was sober...
I don't think I really missed anything. ;-)
Anyway, they're passe´ now.
Hmm..
I thought it tasted more of diluted vinegar. But then at the time taste wasn’t important, just alcohol content.
;-)
Never had ripple. Didn’t Fred Sanford drink that?
They still threatening you with a foot of snow up there?
I don’t know. I hope not.
I used to drink Strawberry Hill in college. Later I drank wine coolers, until (for better sales, I guess) they started putting beer in them instead.
Later, I invented the Restorative Beverage of inexpensive pink wine and Diet 7-up (or an equivalent).
They can’t seem to make up their minds. As of this morning, they were projecting that my area would receive 3-6 inches of snow. I was hoping for less.
LOL! I’m amazed that I ever learned to enjoy wine after drinking Boone’s Farm.
Well that kills it for me. Aspartame gives me a headache.. ;-)
they started putting beer in them instead.
In the link up there they say the switch to malt liquor from wine had to do with the government 'helping'.. ("Congress raised the federal excise tax on wine to $1.07 a gallon, effective January 1, 1991. Doesn’t sound like a lot but the previous rate was $0.17/gallon, so it quintupled. That put the economic kibash on coolers and now they they are made from malt.")
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