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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick; Gefn; moose07; Covenantor; NicknamedBob; All

Good morning, kitteh lovers!

The sun is just coming up, here, and I slept in until my pill alarm rang at 0600. But then my company and I didn’t call it a night until around 2000 again.

We’re going to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in a bit, and then to brunch and then he will head back north.

It has been nice having him here, and he even met the Peeps yesterday!


5,301 posted on 03/20/2016 6:31:23 AM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Gefn; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

Connery is Bond, full stop, period.

Was watching From “From Russia With Love” last night. Factoid: FRWL was last movie viewed by JFK, Nov. 20, 1963.

I must have had the cat in mind this morning because of that. IIRC, it was the cat’s first appearence. Goobles up one of the Siamese Fighting Fish in that scene.


5,302 posted on 03/20/2016 6:49:35 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

I didn’t know that trivia about JFK.

Do you remember the cat Marlon Brando was holding in the beginning of “The Godfather”?

It was a stray that wondered on set, and Brando liked it. So he put it in the scene with him.

I understand when all was finished filming, kitteh found a forever home.


5,303 posted on 03/20/2016 7:08:52 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Covenantor

The other cat I’m thinking of (no the Breakfast at Tiffany’s cat, or Pyewacket in “Bell, Book, and Candle” is the Austin Powers cat which was a joke on Blofeld’s kitteh.

Not a Spnyx fan.


5,304 posted on 03/20/2016 7:15:28 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn; Covenantor

Good to see you all this morning.
If the East Coast has Snow ,we’ll see it in about a week. :)

Just about to go on a mission to smuggle half a Salmon across the County line.
The give away will be every Cat in Christendom will be lining the route. :D

Dukes of Hazard insignia on Car, Let’s Roll!


5,305 posted on 03/20/2016 7:19:20 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

That’s a song isn’t it?

“One salmon over the line” by Brewer and Shipley?

:)


5,306 posted on 03/20/2016 7:31:02 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: moose07

Good luck!


5,307 posted on 03/20/2016 8:14:49 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn
Good luck moving bootleg salmon.

The give away will be every Cat in Christendom will be lining the route. :D

Sounds like the closing scene of Eastwood's "The Gaunlet"....with "Salmon Chanted Evening" playing in the bachground....

;>)

5,308 posted on 03/20/2016 8:58:00 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

That is one wicked imagination. Thanks for sharing.


5,309 posted on 03/20/2016 10:10:36 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Tax-chick; Gefn; Monkey Face; Covenantor; NicknamedBob

Mission accomplished.
Fish safety delivered.

Was a lovely Sunny afternoon, freezing cold ,but sunny.
Will post a pic later.


5,310 posted on 03/20/2016 11:45:58 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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Pangbourne Church


5,311 posted on 03/20/2016 11:52:59 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Gefn; Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face
An appletini

Appletini:

2 Jiggers Boones Farm Apple Wine
1 Jigger Dry Vermouth

Stir or shake
(makes no difference, either method will not improve the taste)

5,312 posted on 03/20/2016 11:53:04 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That sounds awful. :)


5,313 posted on 03/20/2016 11:58:59 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Covenantor; moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn

And here all this time I thought Salmon Chanted Evening was set in the South Pacific instead of Phoenix..


5,314 posted on 03/20/2016 12:03:49 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: trisham

I’m sure it is.. ;-)


5,315 posted on 03/20/2016 12:05:22 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I should know. :)


5,316 posted on 03/20/2016 12:16:26 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07; null and void; Shimmer1; All

It’s quiet in here, and a little empty. It was nice to have visitors and even nicer that we all have so much in common. The visit we had on the patio yesterday was quite fun.

I didn’t take any pictures until we got back from Railroad Pass, and that’s a shame. I should have had my camera ready and with me.

Still, I will post them on my photobucket account.


5,317 posted on 03/20/2016 12:20:21 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Covenantor

Salmon Chanted Evening.

That is brilliant.

I’m trying to come up with something like”I’m going to wash that dog right out of my fur” - not working.

There was a 70s band, I think it might have been REO Speedwagon, that had an album”You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”


5,318 posted on 03/20/2016 12:33:56 PM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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It was REO Speedwagon. Here’s an ad for that record.

Look at that hair!!!!

http://youtu.be/9ilyWXi3yFE


5,319 posted on 03/20/2016 12:36:05 PM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

Wow!
A Mullet of Justice!
:)


5,320 posted on 03/20/2016 12:40:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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