ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[stephenjohnbanker]

Just fine. Weird weather here. Record heat, and then in the 60’s. Been lucky I didn’t catch a cold. How are you doing?

[Monkey Face]

Impatiently awaiting the summer heat. :o]

Our weather is about the same as yours, but a day earlier. Of course, now we’re dealing with the mulberry pollen and that is ugly stuff. My immune system is rebelling!

[stephenjohnbanker]

I’m really lucky that I have no allergies. I feel for ya.

[Monkey Face]

This is the first time in almost 40 years that mulberry pollen has affected me, and I think it’s making up for all those years.

Ick.

Thanks for the sympathy. I’ll inhale it along with the pollens and maybe it will be scared...hahaha

[stephenjohnbanker]

: )

[Monkey Face]

Thanks! :o])

[ArGee]

I only have one big allergy.

Unfortunately, I have to go to work every morning or I’ll starve.

So I live with the allergy.

[stephenjohnbanker]

Common allergy......no known cure : )

[Tax-chick]

I have a bad family history.

I’m going to go get my prescription in a few minutes.

[Tax-chick]

They don’t like their naps to be disturbed.

[Monkey Face]

My son’s father had lots of allergies, so he suffered a lot from everything, especially when we lived in Puget Sound. He went through the allergy battery and was allergic to everything but roses. That included all domestic animals, too.

He’s outgrown a lot of them, but he still suffers a lot in the spring.

[Monkey Face]

Benedryl takes care of most of the allergies I have, but I have to be careful not to overlap the times, or my mouth gets really dry.

[Tax-chick]

Picked up my prescription. The clerk figured out the online coupon using my phone, saved me $10.

[Monkey Face]

YES! You WILL be a Geek! I see it in the stars! LOL!

I’m glad you got something for your allergies, and I hope it’s refillable. So many drugs these days aren’t.

[NoCmpromiz]

cicadas...

-----

I thought of them too, but they are typically an August-September-earlyOctober thing. At least around here.

There are a bunch (that's a scientific term that means 'a lot' ;-) of different cicadas of varying periods from like two years to seventeen years. Here is a page that has a collection of their sounds..

Cicada Song page

They can get loud..

like 109 db.. ;-)

Not quite as loud as a Metallica concert though (seems they were clocked at around 120 db..) To preserve your hearing don't go to Metallica concerts. Or put a calling cicada up to your ear. ;-)

[Monkey Face]

That makes sense. Obviously, I forgot everything I knew about cicadas, except that they existed and were (are) annoyingly noisy.

So thanks, NoC. I needed a lesson in biology...I think I forgot everything I ever knew in that field.

I've been thinking about some bird books, but I don't know the name of the one I relied on for so many years, doing Forest Service volunteering. I don't think it was Audubon but it was a popular book at the time. Lots of campers used it.

[Tax-chick]

It’s the prescription for my bowel purge. I’m feeling rather miserable now ...

[NicknamedBob]

I have it on good authority that your bowels are refillable.

Don’t forget the yogurt.

[NoCmpromiz]

Just be thankful you won't have this problem where you live. But I hear that Floridians just might need to be cautious.. ;-)

Man finds and battles huge python under his car hood

[Tax-chick]