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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Galileo says it’s 78 degrees in here, and a cool 76 in the shade on the patio.

I’m tired today, for some reason. “Late night” TV will be the death of me! LOL! And still, I couldn’t stay up for the last episode of Downton Abbey! When I checked the PBS website today, it says the episode I missed was “not available in your area.” Well, that’s a big let down!

Anyway, I can only hope that one of these days, I’ll be able to get all the seasons, so when I have nothing else to do (or nothing that I CAN do,) I will watch them all, from Season One, Episode One to Season Six, Episode Last. That would be as much fun as a marathon as LOTR and The Hobbit, the third movie, I have yet to see.


4,481 posted on 02/29/2016 12:53:47 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: ArGee; moose07; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; All

Actually, today is, as Al Capp said in his Li’l Abner comic strip, Sadie Hawkins Day, and that means that a gal can ask a guy to marry her.

There are no eligible contestants, here... Not sure I would want to upset the status quo in my house, anyway! LOL!


4,482 posted on 02/29/2016 12:57:54 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: ArGee; Tax-chick; moose07

I like tea. It’s nice to drink. Some of it is nicer than others of it, but I always wish I had some tea-compatible cookies (biscuits) or some crumpets to go with it.

However, if I could find some really nice lemon cookies to nibble on with the tea, I would enjoy the tea immensely!

And this year, I have promised myself to get a “sun tea” jar so that I can make iced tea whenever the mood strikes.


4,483 posted on 02/29/2016 1:03:25 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m already married, which would make further proposals awkward.

The good news is that I found Frank and gave him a bath (and clean undies). The bad news is that I’ve lost a very important notebook of Cub Scout information. I had it last Monday when we were practicing the Shark Song; it’s possible I left it in the room where we meet at the church.

Now I have to find my glue guns.


4,484 posted on 02/29/2016 1:16:37 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, if you want to be a “Plyg,” I guess you could always be relocated to southern Utah/NW AZ. Somehow, I don’t see that happening! LOL!

I just got an email from my grandson on the mission. That kid is SO fired up about his work that I found I was holding my breath until the end! LOL!

I not only have glue guns but a year’s supply of glue sticks for the craftiest of crafters.

I need to get a padlock for my gate, as last night, someone tried to enter my patio. I thought I had a bicycle lock, which would have worked until I can get a padlock, but I can’t find it. My bad.

(Did I already say this, about the gate?)


4,485 posted on 02/29/2016 1:27:56 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

I don’t remember about the gate. I found the glue guns. Not interested in another spouse at all, thanks.


4,486 posted on 02/29/2016 1:39:21 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick

I just thought I talked about the gate, I guess. I was lying in bed and heard the hardware on the gate jiggling, and I was on the alert, but it didn’t last long, so I let it go.

Now, however, I’m almost paranoid. I lock my doors, even if I’m just on property, and I never have, before. I will have to keep the pellet gun handy, since that’s all I have.

If I could afford a “real” sidearm, I would have been down the street to Spurlock’s Gun Shop in a heartbeat.


4,487 posted on 02/29/2016 1:53:30 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m off to bed for now...all y’all take care!


4,488 posted on 02/29/2016 2:20:26 PM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: ArGee; Tax-chick

Strangely Coffee was more popular than Tea for many years due to the Exorbitant price of Tea. Tea was kept on locked blending boxes. This prevented the servants from stealing the the expensive delight, and enabled the user to blend to their own tastes.
Coffee was drunk by the gallon in the coffee houses that had become fashionable,just after the Civil war.
Coffee was considered to be the cause of many national ‘troubles’.
During the late 1800s this all changed.
Tea became the Drink of Choice. After all, the production facilities where now vastly increased in area due to prodigious planting of the bushes for the Chinese BoneChina industry. The Ceramic was packed in Tea leafs to protect it.
Once we had cracked how to make bone china ourselves there was a lot of spare Tea available ,and so it became a commodity in its own right and down came the price....eventually.
This change over was slow because it required the development of a money conscious Middle class which only slowly came into being and expanded during the late 1800s. After all the upper Classes are not going to drink Packing waste.
It was initially available in loose leaf sold by the oz, only later becoming available in pre wrapped boxes. Then finally the ultimate low point....teabags.
Coffee has in recent years has a resurgence,*sigh.*

Night. :)


4,489 posted on 02/29/2016 2:55:38 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

Night, all. My notebook was found at the church, whew.


4,490 posted on 02/29/2016 6:12:17 PM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: moose07; ArGee; Tax-chick

If any of that seems a little bit off, it’s because dear moosie is having us on.

“Fee Fi, Fo Fum. I smell the blood of an Englishmun.
Be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my ... cups.”


4,491 posted on 02/29/2016 6:15:03 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob; ArGee; Tax-chick

LoL...
Rumbled again !


4,492 posted on 02/29/2016 11:28:48 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: NicknamedBob; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

4,493 posted on 03/01/2016 2:01:45 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: moose07

LOL!

The same attitude was expressed by our local PD Chief. Loudly denying and scoffing about coyotes in our town until the day three appeared in his yard.


4,494 posted on 03/01/2016 3:40:17 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07; Gefn; Darksheare; ArGee; NicknamedBob; null and void; ColdOne; ...
Good morning all.

That first pot of coffee in the morning REALLY gets me going.


4,495 posted on 03/01/2016 3:55:07 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

You must use more coffee than I do.


4,496 posted on 03/01/2016 5:30:00 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor
He did say "the first pot of coffee". I can identify with that.
4,497 posted on 03/01/2016 5:47:45 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I usually have two cups, although there was a phase in a my life when I drank a pot every morning.


4,498 posted on 03/01/2016 5:48:44 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm going to be an optimist about this.)
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To: moose07

Very interesting, Moosie!

Thanks!! :o]


4,499 posted on 03/01/2016 5:57:48 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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To: Tax-chick

Good morning!


4,500 posted on 03/01/2016 5:58:14 AM PST by Monkey Face (Did you ever wonder what your cat(s) or dog(s) named you?)
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