Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Doesn’t that sort of put a target on you?
It’s more a warning label...
Very informative!
And accurate, and 4321 count down...
Can you read in the dark with no other light source?
No, only 50 uCuries
So you probably won’t grow any new limbs, either. That’s probably for the best.
Hope you have a good night. I need to go strongly encourage several Offspring to get in their beds and shut their mouths.
Perfect time to go through airport security...
Oh lookie!
A thunderous storm is passing through. It comes from a long line of Storms that hearken all the way from North Carolina..
Don’t believe me check the radar. ;-)
I did try to so arrange my affairs for that.
Now if you had a jihadists beard and arab-ish features and were carrying a ko-ran it would be ‘Nothing to see here. Have a nice flight’...
You know how those Geiger counters lie..
Let me go check i think my sister is taking a shower
Palindrome post number...
Said storm whooshed through here about 1:30 p.m. yesterday, then went on to trouble the state capital about 5:00.
Good one, Nully!!
You’ve had that much radiation, eh?
Good morning. Watch out for kittens!
Kitteh says “Meh,” to your radiation, Nully.
I’m up, says me. My stamina is flagging, lately, and about the only thing I can think of to increase it is to double the colloidial silver. That’s $1.10 a day to keep CFIDS away from the door, but it’s been worth it for the way I have been feeling.
However, I don’t know if I afford to double it, unless I cut out a bunch of other stuff. But, as Igor used to say, “Life is a series of compromises.”
I just have to decide which things I’m going to try to live without.
You need to clear your life of unnecessary stress, *hint hint*.
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