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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NicknamedBob; All
That would be me, Bob. I has broken. Speaking of broken mornings, I let a friend read "Daybreak" and she was impressed. She didn't believe a friend of mine could be so talented. Ha ha ha! I told her she had no clue!! I run with the BEST!
4,281 posted on 02/24/2016 5:24:20 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Darksheare

Yes. Yes, that would be me. Indeed.


4,282 posted on 02/24/2016 5:25:49 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Maxfield Parrish’s painting of “Daybreak” is an intriguing and evocative work of art.

Between his artistry and my imagination, yeah, there’s a story there.

I haven’t considered it to be salesworthy, because it is derivative of someone else’s work. But it does make a good jumping-off point for a story with a twist.


4,283 posted on 02/24/2016 5:58:07 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob; Monkey Face; ArGee; moose07; Darksheare; Covenantor

It was drizzly and foggy when I picked up the newspaper at 6:00. Now it’s windy and raining hard. I’ve been to Walmart. Next I’ll go to my prayer group. After that I’ll make fruit salad.


4,284 posted on 02/24/2016 6:04:39 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick

You lead a rich, varied, and fascinating life.

No wonder you have so many followers.


4,285 posted on 02/24/2016 6:23:32 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I noticed that when I read it. I enjoyed it, but I think I knew the end before I got there and it made me a little sad. Still, it was a good read!


4,286 posted on 02/24/2016 6:30:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07; Darksheare; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; All

Clear and windy, just like yesterday, only not so much! If the wind doesn’t blow as hard as it did yesterday, that will be a plus! We only lasted about 40 minutes, yesterday...just until the mail came and then we all headed for our shells. *shudder*

And I keep forgetting: The leaf buds are out on the trees, and that always makes me happy. It means SAD is soon to be behind me!


4,287 posted on 02/24/2016 6:37:15 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Did you say happy?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zq7Eki5EZ8o


4,288 posted on 02/24/2016 10:56:57 AM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: ArGee

I love Weird Al!! Thanks, Argee!


4,289 posted on 02/24/2016 11:25:30 AM PST by Monkey Face (My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

*tagline*


4,290 posted on 02/24/2016 11:27:13 AM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: Tax-chick; ArGee; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; Darksheare; Gefn; redhead; All

Welp. New scuttlebutt on the relocation. Again. It seems the letter of intent was sent in error, and Henderson isn’t going to be “renovated.”

We know this because we got it from a resident who got it from the Senior Rep, who is on the committee for such things. The person who told us is the one I love to hate.

Today is her birthday, and she was passing around birthday cookies that were phallic symbols, and she could NOT get her mind and mouth out of the gutter. She monopolizes the conversation, and I kept trying to tell her I wasn’t interested, but she just kept going. When she told me her kids told her dirty jokes and vice versa, I told her that my son has never told me a dirty joke or cussed in my presence. That didn’t shut her up.

Finally, I had to tell her to just leave or find another topic. So she left; dang, she irritates me. Nobody can talk when she is there as she takes up the conversation. I need to stop letting her get to me like that and forgive her for what she is.

Now, seeing it in writing, I feel like I need to go wash my brain out.


4,291 posted on 02/24/2016 11:38:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: Monkey Face

Need some mental floss.


4,292 posted on 02/24/2016 12:09:53 PM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: Monkey Face

So..

Is this crude obnoxious and (insert all remaining proper descriptives) person considered to be a reliable souse, er, source?

Or merely a crude obnoxious and (insert all remaining proper descriptives) person?


4,293 posted on 02/24/2016 12:29:27 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee

Yes, thanks. About five yards worth, please. ;o]


4,294 posted on 02/24/2016 12:35:16 PM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

The person (source) she supposedly got it from IS reliable, but when she is here tomorrow, I will try to get two seconds with her so it can be verified.

As for the person who “relayed” the information, she remains crude and obnoxious and I really hate being around her. She seems to think everyone is interested in her sex life, and no one cares. She is such a narcissist that she makes Ovomit look like a Boy Scout.

GAH!!!!


4,295 posted on 02/24/2016 12:41:51 PM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s extremely windy here. Tom says he can’t use the grill, so I’ll have to cook the sausage on the stove.


4,296 posted on 02/24/2016 12:58:55 PM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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To: Tax-chick

Get some unwind. Then you can use the grill.


4,297 posted on 02/24/2016 1:08:57 PM PST by ArGee (Who is Sphincter Man? And why is he never photographed with ArGee?)
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To: Tax-chick

So how many kids are still sick? I hope the numbers are improving!

I would love to have a snack of fruit and cheese and wine, but I’ll have to wait another week for that. I’ve been thinking about it for several days, now, and it’s just getting worse.

After today’s little encounter with the sex maniac, I could have used some calming down.

Tomorrow, I have to go to LV to the pain clinic, and would like to get some of the nibbly stuff and Riesling on the way home, but ohwell. I will drop of my prescription for Morphine, but just realized I don’t have the money to pick it up. Duh. My bad.


4,298 posted on 02/24/2016 1:10:29 PM PST by Monkey Face (If God hasn't changed your circumstances, maybe He is waiting for your circumstances to change you.)
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To: ArGee

Dang it, I knew I forgot something when I went to Walmart this morning.


4,299 posted on 02/24/2016 1:11:28 PM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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To: Monkey Face

Nobody has thrown up today. Sally says she has a headache, but that could be related to excessive time in bed.


4,300 posted on 02/24/2016 1:12:15 PM PST by Tax-chick (There's really nothing new to be said.)
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