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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

That’s warm. Low 60s here. Jake went out even though he doesn’t feel well.


4,121 posted on 02/21/2016 2:33:56 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I’m so glad to hear about Tomtom’s arrival! *phew* (What a relief!)


4,122 posted on 02/21/2016 2:37:16 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: ArGee

Re: Your tagline (which I just noticed you changed wheneveritwas..)

The obama voters have already given us one of them...


4,123 posted on 02/21/2016 2:44:23 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

It’s going to be cooler this coming week, so I enjoyed the warmth while I had it! I don’t even want to think about waiting for Robert to open the laundry room while I stand in the cold.

And my stomach is making me wish I was sleeping so I wouldn’t have to feel the nausea.

So I’m going to bed.


4,124 posted on 02/21/2016 2:44:38 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Yes..

Even if he isn’t really ‘our’ cat, he is part of the property as his father was. Having a resident feral tom tends to cut down on other drifters and beggars. And rodents. ;-)

When we don’t see him for an extended time it signals a possible alteration of the balance of power..


4,125 posted on 02/21/2016 2:49:24 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face; NoCmpromiz

I hope you have a good night, ‘Face.

Jake seems to be feeling pretty good, based on his interest in our beef supper. His fur is less sticky, too. He may be recovering without a vet trip ... we’ll see tomorrow.


4,126 posted on 02/21/2016 3:05:07 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

Tagline


4,127 posted on 02/21/2016 3:14:15 PM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick

Feline Overlords tend to appreciate beast suppers..

Of course, they also tend to appreciate anything that their Human Support Staff eats. At least until they taste it. At that moment they have been known to fix their ‘you’re trying to poison me’ glare on you..


4,128 posted on 02/21/2016 4:39:40 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Jake has never fallen for any of that not-meat food (except cheese, and ice cream), even though Ash told him chickpeas and potato chips were wonderful.

He’s gone back to bed. If he continues to improve tomorrow, I’ll save the $100+ that it will cost to have young Dr. Kaylor (or whoever drew the early shift Monday) give him an antibiotic shot. The improvement in his fur is a very good sign.


4,129 posted on 02/21/2016 4:42:10 PM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick

re: tagline.

Well done with appropriate use of the forlorn hope. The stuff of legend and sagas. Ooorahhh!


4,130 posted on 02/21/2016 4:45:03 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

I have previously mentioned my consumption of Regency Romance novels. This genre is heavy on Napoleonic Wars lore.

Sometimes, as in the case of the “Lieutenant Sharpe” series or “The Scarlet Pimpernel,” Regency Romances are disguised as action-historicals. In other cases, such as the Jane Austen oeuvre, it’s all contemporaneous.


4,131 posted on 02/21/2016 4:48:41 PM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick

Have read one of the Bernard Cornwell Sharpe series. Preferred his Anglo Saxon saga.

Did not know the Brits did a series with Sean Bean.


4,132 posted on 02/21/2016 4:58:02 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Anoreth

We’ve watched some of the BBC series. It was very well done, true to the books. And Sean Bean, such a cutie.

I read many of the Sharpe books to Anoreth when she was a baby. She would sleep most of the day (nice for the babysitter) and stay up all night. My boss was tolerant of my sleepwalking at work, fortunately. I read her the “National Review,” “American Spectator,” and “Southern Partisan,” too.


4,133 posted on 02/21/2016 5:04:22 PM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

4,134 posted on 02/22/2016 3:00:12 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz; NicknamedBob; Covenantor; moose07

Look at that fine array of feline food antennae! Looks like one of said kittehs is deaf in one ear.

Morning, all. Afternoon, Moosie!

I made it through another night...the night birds went far enough away to serenade someone else that I had to listen hard to hear them, then promptly fell asleep. A fairly good sleep, but woke up a couple of times because of some disturbing dreams.

The laundry has been sorted, and my jacket will go in, this time. The cuffs are stained, probably from the dust on the table in the ramada. *shiver*

Cooler today, darnit.


4,135 posted on 02/22/2016 5:15:33 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Good morning. Time for Pat to start math, and I need to clobber the rest of them to divert the activity from bickering to something more productive.


4,136 posted on 02/22/2016 5:39:13 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick

I just took my morning pills, so now I’m having Earl Grey tea and some Russian rye toast, thank you very much!

I’m debating whether to put in my application for energy assistance, considering the impending move, but I probably should. If nothing else, I can use up the entire balance by not paying for a month or two.

This allowance is part of the tobacco settlement for the state. They did something good with some of it, anyway!


4,137 posted on 02/22/2016 5:55:47 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Go ahead and apply. Nothing to lose. I decided to take Jake to the vet. Appt at 11:40. It’s only money.


4,138 posted on 02/22/2016 6:59:36 AM PST by Tax-chick (Four teenagers at once. I'm ready to lead the Forlorn Hope now.)
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To: Tax-chick

Dagnabit! My blood glucose is sky high (232) as I forgot my meds last night, and can’t take my morning meds as I’m NPO until my 10:30 radio-iodine dose.

I’m hungry, I’m cranky. AND I NEED MY COFFEE!!!


4,139 posted on 02/22/2016 7:26:22 AM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: null and void

OHNOOOOOZZZ!!!


4,140 posted on 02/22/2016 7:44:33 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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