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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07

Afternoon. We have a major scheduling upwhack again today. I’ll have to take Bill to work in a few minutes, and someone will pick him up at some time in the afternoon.

At least he doesn’t work far away.


4,101 posted on 02/21/2016 7:52:39 AM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

Deep breath.
Smile and carry on.
Your organisation skills must be legendary in NC . :)


4,102 posted on 02/21/2016 7:59:51 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Tax-chick

Poor Jake. He’s SUCH a cat!

How are you feeling this morning?


4,103 posted on 02/21/2016 8:05:55 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: moose07

You bagged it, Moosie! Afternoon, you!


4,104 posted on 02/21/2016 8:11:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Twas but a fluke.
Good Morning to you Face.
A lovely warm day today. No Sun ,but warm.
The catkins are out on the Nut trees, Spring is coming.


4,105 posted on 02/21/2016 8:14:30 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

I love the catkins and the pussy willows and the forsythia, and those are probably the only things I miss about living in the desert.

With any luck at all, I will be in St George, Utah, this time next year! I hope so! It’s a little higher than here, and gets snow on the mountains like we do, but the town is situated among red rock formations. I’ve lived there before, and I really like it. Summers are quite warm, but not like here.

Winters are colder but still mild, so I will still have my heat!

I drafted a letter to my grandson, who is on a mission for the LDS Church, and couldn’t print it because the printer is out of ink! My bad!

It’s going to be 77 today...:o])


4,106 posted on 02/21/2016 9:12:02 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Tax-chick

Yup. NC pinged me.

I’ll let you know if I hear anything good tomorrow.


4,107 posted on 02/21/2016 9:19:47 AM PST by ArGee (You don't pick a President on the basis of whether they sit to pee.)
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To: Monkey Face

Is that a permanent move to St George?


4,108 posted on 02/21/2016 9:49:54 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Yes. Housing is moving us out for “renovations” but I don’t want to move twice; I’m too old to do that, any more.

All of us are 62 or older and most of us have disabilities, and the peeps and I were discussing a class action suit for uprooting us in our infirmities and old age. I suspect that would take up as much energy as the move itself.

I just hope my name comes to the top of the list in St George, before we have to move out. Otherwise, my stuff will have to be in storage, and I will have to bunk with some family members. Neither option is something I look forward to, but there is no choice.


4,109 posted on 02/21/2016 11:19:59 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Back from church. Arranged Sally a ride home with someone else. Tom can pick Bill up at work. And I’m going to have a Pink Drink.

I feel much better, but I’m still being careful what I eat!


4,110 posted on 02/21/2016 11:48:38 AM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m glad you’re feeling better, and hope that you continue to improve. :o])

That’s what I need: some Pink Drink of the White Variety!!

The peeps were out, and the person that I love to hate came along and began to let us know how smart she was by her knowledge of social security benefits. She’s from Argentina, so she knows more than we do, of course.

Well, she got the scoop from a resident who was at one time a paralegal, and she’s more knowledgeable than I am, even though I’ve been through it. She wasn’t willing to hear what I had to say.

Anyway, the rest of us are not happy with our letters of intent, and I printed up another application for St George for my neighbor, who really loves Utah. She came to the ramada with tears in her eyes. I finally got her to tell me what the problem was, and she said it was her son and her daughter, and from now on, she had neither. Man. I know how that works...been there, done that.

My daughter called and I told her about the letter, and depending on how fast things happen, I may end up with no place to live. So my plan, tentative, is to put my stuff in storage in St.G, and stay with my daughter or my niece (my nephew has dogs with fleas, so he’s out as far as temporary quarters are concerned!) Anyway, she said we would make things work. How odd to hear her say that. ... We’ll see what happens when it comes down to crunch time.


4,111 posted on 02/21/2016 12:10:44 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Tax-chick

And Pink Drink may settle your stomach... ;o]


4,112 posted on 02/21/2016 12:11:40 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Tax-chick

(I think I’m going to need a lot of knitting and crochet therapy in the coming months... I have lots of yarn to use up. If you want, I can send some projects to you for your church bazaar...)


4,113 posted on 02/21/2016 12:16:03 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

I believe housing will happen for you. I will ask Dona Edra the Spanish Battleax to pray for you. She has children-issues, too. (To the point of discussing Tom’s taking care of her son-in-law.) I need to email her later: she asked me before Mass if we could do some music at a nursing home, and I said we could but needed scheduling details. I’m sure the Lord will do just about anything to get her off His case, if she starts. A little senior apartment in St. George? Piece of cake!

Regarding knits, scarves are always popular. Hats are not as fashionable this year, the thing is ear-warmers, like a wide headband. They don’t crush one’s hair as much. Many have a knitted flower on them, sometimes with sequins. You can see them if you google “knitted ear-warmer.”


4,114 posted on 02/21/2016 12:31:51 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

I make a headband/ear warmer with loopy crochet stitches, and they have always turned out cute. I can get several from a skein of yarn. When my #1 grandson was in the army, I knitted him one in camo yarn, then knitted a watch cap for him, so his ears and head were warm under his helmet. He said it was a nice addition to his “snivel gear.”

The Lord knows what I need, so I know it will come together when it is supposed to. I just have to remember not to doubt myself and my faith in prayers. God has been very good to me in that aspect.

When I got to Del Rio, I had a U-Haul truck full of belongings, no car, and no place to stay. I spent the first night in the cab of the truck in a Walmart parking lot and when I got up the next morning, I drove to the office of the Rotary Club housing project, and an apartment had been vacated on Friday before. It was mine. So yah, I have faith!


4,115 posted on 02/21/2016 1:08:05 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s hard to doubt after God has come through a lot of times.


4,116 posted on 02/21/2016 1:23:35 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

And that’s the truth.

I have to sit in the recliner for a while as my hips are hurting.

I’ll check back a little later. ;o]


4,117 posted on 02/21/2016 1:31:06 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m on my phone. Pat is playing a game on my computer.


4,118 posted on 02/21/2016 1:39:01 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

I really want to go in and lie down where it’s warm. And I really hope the night birds shut up tonight and let me sleep!! LOL! Laundry day tomorrow... ungh...

The recliner will be my friend for a bit longer. The thermometer on that patio reads 74, but high, thin clouds are coming in. I hate to shut the door, but I have to!


4,119 posted on 02/21/2016 2:31:56 PM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: NoCmpromiz
And it has now been three days since we have seen Tomtom (son of the late Sooty and Smokey...

The Tomtom is still with us. He showed up on the porch about 1400 or so looking for his offering of foodstuffs..

He does appear to have engaged in a new battle or two since we last saw him. Another notch in his right ear is the most noticeable thing. But this time no noticeable bloody spots, and no limp so maybe he vanquished the foe.

Or at least didn't take many hit points before opting for a strategic withdrawal. But being a tomcat, that probably is not in the option list of available actions.

For some strange reason I am listening to Dark Side of the Moon. And it's not my fault.

4,120 posted on 02/21/2016 2:33:40 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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