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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Covenantor
That post is the bomb! It's plane to see that you had a blast writing it...
4,041 posted on 02/20/2016 7:23:02 AM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: Covenantor

LoL,
You’ve got it easy.
You’re only on one country’s List. :)

Morning, GCHQ. Terrible Spot of weather this morning ,What?


4,042 posted on 02/20/2016 7:27:50 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Pretty sure there’s a file in Germany from a 1968 event when Soviet occupiers evoked their military governance over the whole of Berlin for the first time since the close of WWII. Interesting time, meeting interesting people.

Henry Cabot Lodge was taller than he appeared in news media.


4,043 posted on 02/20/2016 7:35:59 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That’s what Lt Cook’s Mission was really about. He put the Stakes in the Pacific for the string to wrap around as it headed down the line.
They stopped the current moving it to much. You can see on a map where the current was at its strongest , by the zigzags.
The Harrison Clock Saga was just a diversion.

It was later changed to a Bronze strip. If it wasn’t the local Katz getting caught up in the string ,now it’s the local pikies light fingering it.


4,044 posted on 02/20/2016 7:36:32 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Covenantor

If you where in Berlin, there is a File with the KGB.
Did you loose any underwear whist you where there....they had a massive store of it for ‘research’ purposes.

Henry Cabot Lodge
Ambassador to S Vietnam and a MA Senator. Busy chap.


4,045 posted on 02/20/2016 7:45:34 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Monkey Face

And a Happy Saturday to you too. (((Hugs)))


4,046 posted on 02/20/2016 7:47:04 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

I’m always happy when I read your posts! You have such a keen sense of humor!! <3


4,047 posted on 02/20/2016 8:00:22 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: moose07

very busy...

Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary (Germany)
Appointed: April 22, 1968
Presentation of Credentials: May 27, 1968
Termination of Mission: Left post. January 14, 1969
Commissioned to the Federal Republic of Germany.

more brief CV here:

https://history.state.gov/departmenthistory/people/lodge-henry-cabot


4,048 posted on 02/20/2016 9:06:16 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick
Can't bookmark a page with paper clips on a kindle - but you can give it a valiant attempt.

Won't be pretty though.

4,049 posted on 02/20/2016 10:13:42 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

You know, it is a wonderment how much of the World’s Real History is revealed on these pages.

And it will never be revealed in any classroom. But that’s par for almost any real knowledge these day.. ;-)

But everyone will know about trigger words and safe spaces. And that Cook fella? He’s in the kitchen. ;-)


4,050 posted on 02/20/2016 10:27:35 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Howdy.....lost power here on Wednesday 3pm, didn’t get it back till 11pm last night. Of course the generator didn’t want to start yesterday, finally got it running. Any longer and we were about ready to put our frozen food in the snow!!


4,051 posted on 02/20/2016 10:53:43 AM PST by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 HillaryForPrison2016)
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To: ColdOne

At least you had a chance to live up to your name...


4,052 posted on 02/20/2016 10:56:54 AM PST by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: null and void

LOL! That is why I picked it!!


4,053 posted on 02/20/2016 11:00:58 AM PST by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 HillaryForPrison2016)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; Covenantor; NicknamedBob; ColdOne; Darksheare; moose07; All

Wellnow. The peeps and I were at the ramada when the mail came, and we all got a letter from housing. We ARE being moved. “They” said, in the Fall, when we had the meeting informing us the move would take place, that it would be “after the first of the year” before any action would take place.

It’s that time. So I’m going to continue to weed out stuff, and begin buying tubs to pack things in rather than use cardboard boxes. I don’t know what’s going to happen when, but I’m very glad that I sent my application to St George housing, and now I will pray very hard that a vacancy comes before the transfer date.

Now I have to put at least two tubs on my list each payday.


4,054 posted on 02/20/2016 11:11:54 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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So the sunbeam is now shining through the living room windows. Has something to do with the time of day and a southern exposure.

In the window I have cat tree thing that is mostly decrepitized from multitudinous applications of claw. The dual pillars that once were covered with sisal rope - let’s just say that the rope is still there but no longer covers, merely gathers in a pile at the base as gravity sees fit. On top of these pillars in a platform a nominal 15 inches square. On that platform I have placed the catbed once claimed by the late Roberta White, the White Furbeast With No Tail To Tell. Said catbed has room for a certain number of cat. Singular.

So to claim the sunbeam, one Tipton T. Longcat reclined, er, curled up on/in the catbed with room for a certain number of cat.

At the same time, one Socks, who is not the smartest rock in the quarry - he is mulatto like Ob, half black and half white but that may not apply to the situation being offered here merely for descriptive purposes - was curled up in catlike snoozing position on the couch on the pillow which also was once claimed by the late Roberta White, the White Furbeast With No Tail To Tell. Then he lifted his half black head and espied sunbeam and decided he wanted sunbeam. So he hopped down, trotted over to the window and hopped up on the catbed with room for a certain number of cat. That was already occupied. With a certain number of cat.

Now Tipton T. Longcat is no longer kittensize. Since he is close to a year and a half old he is starting to chunkify into tomcat proportions. While not as chunky as the Socks (about 5.5 - 6KG), suffice it to say that the bulk of both cats exceeded the available room for a certain number of cat.. And Tipton T. is no longer impressed by the size factor of the older Socks cat since he is now fast approaching his full adult tomcat size - whether he gets as chunky as the Socks remains to be seen. So Tipton T. did not move.

So Socks proceeded to flop down on top of him.

Creating a cat stack with two heads perpendicular to each other...

It is amusing to behold..

And they both have sunbeam.


4,055 posted on 02/20/2016 11:21:56 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were describing the shenanigans going on in a cat house... ;o])


4,056 posted on 02/20/2016 11:27:57 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I love your descriptive essays, could see every step of that in glorious technicolo(u)r. :)


4,057 posted on 02/20/2016 11:38:10 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: ColdOne

Glad the power is back.
Can remember the milk freezing on the kitchen table, as a kid. Brrrr No ta.
Always fun at night trying to start the Briggs and S generator, all hail the Honda.


4,058 posted on 02/20/2016 11:43:09 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Monkey Face

Well sort of.

But the cat house(s) are outdoors. With a bed of straw. In a Wallyworld storagetub. With a doorhole cut in. Covered with a tarp to keep out precipitation and wind.

The last permanent resident was the late Smokey, mother of The Smudge, The Copy, and Jinx.

Copy went out one morning and never returned..

And it has now been three days since we have seen Tomtom (son of the late Sooty and Smokey born before Smudge, Copy, and Jinx. (That’s chronological but does not include the one who died who was between Copy and Jinx. Smokey brought him out to us for us to fix him but he was already gone. Probably succumbed to the mess that interbreeding produces - we think the late Sooty and Smokey were siblings, they were together here when we moved in.)

Some other tom of unknown origin has been coming past who bears no family resemblance to ‘our’ family of ferals.


4,059 posted on 02/20/2016 12:02:07 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

Why write about it if you can’t make the reader see.. ;-)

And now since the globe has warmed (it is 56 degrees on Mr. Fahrenheit’s scale) I must venture out into the wind and storm and rain uphill both ways, er, I mean warming sunbeams, and see if I can convince the Olde Deere to start before another bout of solidified glowbull warmthing falls.

You may recall that it refused to start after the last batch of solid warming fell and my neighbors plowed the drive. I probably wrote a paragraph or two back then...

Oh, and even though the sunbeam is still streaming through the window, the catbed with room for a certain number of cat is now vacant. Betcha the radiant heating factor got to be a bit much for a stack of black cats.. ;-)


4,060 posted on 02/20/2016 12:10:31 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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