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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

I am out of coffee and creamer, and used the last of my pennies for my prescription this morning.

I went to Walgreen’s and gave the girl my birthdate, and she said, “That will be $27.73” I said, “No it won’t. That’s not mine.” And gloriosky! It wasn’t mine!!! She found the right one so I paid the co-pay of $4. That was the end of the pennies..

The wind is blowing like crazy, but the temp is in the 60’s. I have an appointment at 1000, so I will spend a few minutes with the peeps, then come in and if they are still there when I’m done, I’ll go back and sit.

I’m listening to the news and there is an accident on one of the main east-west streets and the talking head said, “The accident has been working for quite some time, now, and police bruisers are on the scene.”

Golly. I need to get a life.

(And I’m out of tissues...)


3,941 posted on 02/18/2016 8:17:58 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’d be worried about police bruisers. There have been a couple of law enforcement events in my neighborhood in the last couple days, but nothing loud.

I have to go to Walmart again.


3,942 posted on 02/18/2016 8:39:44 AM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Monkey Face

I just found about why the Sheriff’s office was across the street yesterday. Someone stole some money, jewelry, and prescription drugs from Vicki. Probably one of her children or the children’s friends.

She came over and asked me to print the incident report off from the Sheriff’s Department website.


3,943 posted on 02/18/2016 8:53:37 AM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

Well that stinks. I am still missing things that Lablady stole, back when Igor was still alive. Jewelry and documents that mean nothing to anyone but me. But she did it.

I hope the stuff is recovered soon.


3,944 posted on 02/18/2016 9:24:21 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Monkey Face

Also, one of her dogs killed one of her cats.


3,945 posted on 02/18/2016 9:25:16 AM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Covenantor

We let a white haired guy in a red suite clean ours every year.


3,946 posted on 02/18/2016 10:01:32 AM PST by ArGee (You don't pick a President on the basis of whether they sit to pee.)
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To: Tax-chick

You hide and I won’t go seek was one of my favorite games to play with the children.


3,947 posted on 02/18/2016 10:04:28 AM PST by ArGee (You don't pick a President on the basis of whether they sit to pee.)
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To: ArGee

They would love that.


3,948 posted on 02/18/2016 10:39:03 AM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

That’s just ugly.

I feel bad for her.

I went outside to sit with the peeps and only Charlie showed up. The wind was blowing so bad that no one wants to be out in it.

After being out there for 30 minutes, I’ll have to have a couple of breathing treatments before bedtime.

(I’m out of eggs and cheese. My list just keeps growing, but payday doesn’t seem any closer. I thought of making some of my mother’s egg salad for sandwiches, but I don’t even have any green pepper for it. Ungh)


3,949 posted on 02/18/2016 11:14:30 AM PST by Monkey Face (I am not heartless.I am smarter.My happiness does not depend on anyone else.Not any more.)
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To: Covenantor
The Battle of the Inglenook fireplace.
Legendary in Squirrel Circles.
3,950 posted on 02/18/2016 11:44:59 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Gefn; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz; NicknamedBob
Of course it helps if one is suitable attired when visiting Egypt.
Don't want to be mistaken for a tourist.


3,951 posted on 02/18/2016 11:54:11 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Aye....the mere mention of it in Toad Hall causes shivers.


3,952 posted on 02/18/2016 12:22:33 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man!


3,953 posted on 02/18/2016 1:01:38 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: moose07

You need to be dressed as a Jihadi to be safe.


3,954 posted on 02/18/2016 1:35:21 PM PST by ArGee (You don't pick a President on the basis of whether they sit to pee.)
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To: Gefn; Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07
Santa comes through the bathroom window..

Chinney or no, Santa drops things on the back porch like a good UPS driver.. ;-)

(Of course since we usually see him approaching he is greeted at the back door. Bet you didn't know that Santa now wears a brown uniform.. ;-)

3,955 posted on 02/18/2016 1:44:26 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Travis T. OJustice
"1,032 Methuselah's, that would be a heck of a run."

I met that kid. We played marbles together. I lost track of him though.

To hear me tell it. It's from a poem on my about page; Before There Was Dirt.

There was a kid who lived down there who played a game on sand,
His hoard of aggies proved he was the best one in the land.
Methuselah, he called himself, and challenged me to play,
I could afford to lose a few, and think I made his day.

3,956 posted on 02/18/2016 2:53:16 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Is that where my marbles went? I haven’t seen them since 1995.


3,957 posted on 02/18/2016 3:26:26 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick

I still have a few of mine. At one time I had a depression in my thumbnail where the marble fit. But I was never really that good.

Hopscotch, now ....


3,958 posted on 02/18/2016 3:41:36 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I was extremely good at jacks.


3,959 posted on 02/18/2016 3:42:08 PM PST by Tax-chick (What could go wrong? (Except death ...)
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To: Tax-chick
I liked spinning them. A poor kid's gyroscope.

I'll bet that I had the cheapest toy of any of us, (not counting playing hopscotch).

I played with a button.

Actually, it was kinda cool. I had a two-hole button on a loop of string. I could spin it into a twist, and then pull on the loop. The button would rotate one way and then the other.

3,960 posted on 02/18/2016 4:41:09 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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