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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

I called the two places I had in mind, and all I could do was leave messages, so maybe, if they call back, I’ll just make appointments to go in and look at the models and fill out the applications.

There is another complex here that takes low income, but it’s four stories high, and I will NOT live on anything but the ground floor. My knees don’t like stairs, and my brain doesn’t like elevators.

So I probably won’t be going anywhere today except to walk down and check the mail.


361 posted on 12/16/2015 9:31:34 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

I went to Walmart. Now I would like to go to bed with Jake, but I need to get supper made so it can be reheated after we go the gym later.


362 posted on 12/16/2015 10:34:29 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

I walked down to get the mail and the wind was up. That stinks.

Earlier, I saw that the truck windshield was really dirty, so I got in and turned on the wiper blades to wash it. BIG mistake. When JiffyLube refilled the fluids, they must have used water because the wipers spread ice all over the windshield.

If I had been getting ready to go somewhere, I would have been upset, but it was just funny. Kinda.


363 posted on 12/16/2015 11:39:02 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

I park on NYC streets. If the parking is covered, it’s by a tree. In that case the car either gets an amazing covering of bird poop or leaves, depending on the time of year.

Or dust.


364 posted on 12/16/2015 12:18:58 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Monkey Face
I walked down to get the mail and the wind was up. That stinks.

Is there a meat processing plant near you? I lived near one in Bellvue, NE and when the wind was up from the south you would think everyone around you had died.

365 posted on 12/16/2015 12:20:12 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

Forgot to close the tag.

Sorry.


366 posted on 12/16/2015 12:20:32 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

THAT is unforgiveable!!! How dare you not close the tag???

LOL!

It stinks because there is wind.


367 posted on 12/16/2015 12:22:45 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

Now when I go out and there’s wind it doesnt stink where I am.

But it does stink downwind of where I am.

Your neck of the woods is a little far for it to carry, though.


368 posted on 12/16/2015 12:28:44 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

Still, we have a few Democraps in the complex, so I’m sure that’s the reason... ;o]


369 posted on 12/16/2015 12:34:59 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face
Forgot to close the tag.

Still better than in olden days where if you forgot to close the tag the attribute was applied to every single following post until someone came along and posted a < /b or /i or /font or /color or... >

Made for interesting reading sometimes.. ;-)

370 posted on 12/16/2015 12:50:43 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn; Darksheare; moose07; null and void

371 posted on 12/16/2015 12:52:10 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz

word wrap off....the worst


372 posted on 12/16/2015 12:54:11 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Ahyezzzz....the joys of having siblings...

;o])


373 posted on 12/16/2015 12:56:40 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: NoCmpromiz; redhead

I’m afraid I don’t recall those days...
I wasn’t here at the inception of FR. I probably wouldn’t be here at all if it weren’t for my sister.

And in addition to telling me about FR, she had the thankless task of teaching me how to navigate the Interwebs. For which I probably never thanked her enough!

But for which I am eternally grateful! <3


374 posted on 12/16/2015 1:01:11 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn; moose07; Darksheare
another snowy take down...


375 posted on 12/16/2015 1:04:25 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

It’s that blasted globull warming attacking.


376 posted on 12/16/2015 1:13:23 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Monkey Face

I wasn’t here in them old days, either.

Time for Frank’s bath.


377 posted on 12/16/2015 1:20:54 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

How are Frank and the rest of the Chicklets?


378 posted on 12/16/2015 1:28:19 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

Doing okay. Frank will start learning about long vowels tomorrow.

We were going to go to yoga class, but DP couldn’t leave work, and Sally was asleep on the zebra-striped loveseat, so went to bed for a while, instead. I can go work out tomorrow morning.


379 posted on 12/16/2015 3:04:33 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m going to bed. It’s been an emotional day for me.


380 posted on 12/16/2015 3:12:21 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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