Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
LoL, You’re on form today, ArGee. :)
I remember that Art Brisbane who would later become Editor of the KC Star, then Ombudsman for the NY Times was Arts and Entertainment editor for the Star at the time. He wrote an editorial about Rush's lack of talent and how he would never amount to anything.
Cuts in CO2 emissions to curb terrorist attacks.
I heard they are also doing a ‘foreign student exchange’ with Jews now in an effort to establish peace now that the world has been saved from climate change
Nice satire. After the Climate Change conference, ISIS is destroying their oil fields and converting to solar power.
Everybody: Panic!
And then enjoy a nice cup of tea and soothing music.
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In before the Teleport! Yippeee!
Morning Darks.
Morning!
This is pretty funny, but I liked the zookeeper love-triangle assault better.
BOL! Did the Obama mosque do a brain transplant on you while your were asleep!
Lack of permission on that one.
Here!
You couldn’t even wait until I finished my wash?
I dibs the bathroom. I have to hang my undies out to dry.
Hasn't posted since February of last year.
Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend
Who looked like a girlfriend
That I had in February of last year
Thanks for dropping by. Unfortunately for you, the Undead Thread has appropriated this one due to lack of interest.
The good news is nobody has died trying to leave (that we know of).
The bad news is there are several people who headed for the basement to try to find the exit and we still don’t know where they are. We THINK they found the interdimensional portal but we can’t be sure.
Anyway, try some of Darksheare’s coffe down in the foyer and let us know if you’d like to stick around.
hmmm, nice place.
But i’d give it five minutes before you go in there....
The first kitty of the new undead thread!
Huzzah! hip hip hurray!
All the exits are in NJ.
Where else would the dead go?
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