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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

Never more than 2” heels on a Dog.
LoL. :)


2,941 posted on 01/30/2016 9:42:04 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Monkey Face

They are better off going for an unfair dismissal claim, contact an employment law specialist Lawyer. The employer will behave like a spoiled brat afterwards if they are proven to have behaved in an unsatisfactory manner by a court.
Grab the cash ,if it is warranted, and move on.
Most unions will accept new members in an emergency.


2,942 posted on 01/30/2016 9:49:44 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Tax-chick

Poor Vlad! So many foster parents, and never a birthday card with a five-dollar bill in it.

But, should he choose to open up communications here, he will automatically have many FRiends. (By the way, the FReepername Vlad is taken.)


2,943 posted on 01/30/2016 10:13:33 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: moose07

Thanks! I never thought of that, but it’s an excellent idea. I wish I could have done that when I was forced to quit, but I was trying to fight the county, and no one wanted to take them on.

This is a right-to-work state, so the unions have to represent you, no matter what, if you have a valid claim. It’s in the state’s law.


2,944 posted on 01/30/2016 10:34:29 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face
does the union have to fight to have him reinstated? Is it a state thing or federal?

Depends on what mood they're in.. ;-)

If it was an unjust termination it can be fought and maybe the union will 'help'. I see you say it's a RTW state so don't know how that works but if there is a state labor board by whatever name a phone call may get the necessary info. Up in these blue parts of the country they have 'labor lawyers' who chase that 'unjust firing' ambulance; your local mileage may vary.

Of course, if the employer has a wooden blockage up their anatomical external orifice in reference to the fired party, 'winning' the job back might not be all that pleasant with resultant harassment and similar pleasantries.

2,945 posted on 01/30/2016 11:08:32 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick
For Vlad..

Hippo Birdie

2,946 posted on 01/30/2016 11:15:19 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Ah. OK. I thought of the State Labor Board, but almost dismissed it when other information pushed it aside in my head.

The person in question is thinking it is a “personality conflict,” which it may very well be. In that instance, the person is better off fighting to get reinstated, since this person’s 65th birthday is six months away.

At that point, of course, retirement may be more appealing than a fight.


2,947 posted on 01/30/2016 11:19:33 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That was grossly funny! LOL! *EEEEwwwwww!*


2,948 posted on 01/30/2016 11:22:37 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Tax-chick

I was emptying the shredder basket and the top (shreddy part) slipped out of my fingers and I had a million little cross-cut shreds all over the floor and the TV stand.

*sigh*

Next, I have to go change the sheets, since Monday is the day I wash the sheets and towels. It’s going to take me a while, today, for sure. I’ve had my second dose of morphine, and I don’t want to have another; I’m nearly out of Ibuprofen, but there isn’t enough to act as a pain killer.

One thing I have noticed recently is that I have some lesions on my lower spine, indicating that the psoriatic arthritis is very active. Right now, it’s a patch of about 2” across, and I don’t want it to grow. So I’m using LOTS of herbal cream on it!


2,949 posted on 01/30/2016 11:29:52 AM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face
At that point, of course, retirement may be more appealing than a fight.

Depending on what retirement accounts this person has, best check with the socialist security minions to see what they have to say about retirement age to get full benefits..

2,950 posted on 01/30/2016 11:30:48 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face; Darksheare
“a million little cross-cut shreds all over the floor”

If you leave them over night the dust bunnies will take them as bedding. If you have an infestation of dust bunnies, that is.

2,951 posted on 01/30/2016 11:43:52 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

Where none exist, they appear.
Possibly from a pocket dimension.


2,952 posted on 01/30/2016 11:49:10 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I believe it’s 67, these days, to get the maximum benefit.
Since I was forced to quit my job due to CFIDS, I began drawing my SS at the age of 54, but it was in the form of disability. When Igor passed away in February of 2000, I applied for his SS and when I turned 65, it was combined.

I don’t know about the disability aspect on this one, because of a ceramic heart valve and associated medical, but I’m hoping somewhere in the mix, the VA will come to his recue. Along with unemployment in the duration.

There is only so much I can do to help. Gathering information is my limit.


2,953 posted on 01/30/2016 12:04:54 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: moose07; Darksheare

They slid through the cracks from the Lower Levels and came to torment me in my efforts to clean.

The Dust Bunnies are now giggling hysterically at my feeble efforts to gather all the shreds.

(Ohboy...now they are find clever and cute ways of adorning their bodies with the crinkly bits... I think I’m domed.)


2,954 posted on 01/30/2016 12:11:35 PM PST by Monkey Face (Don't speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them.)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

Crinkling at all the weirdest times.
Hiding in the cracks of the couch.
Lurking, waiting.
With the remote.


2,955 posted on 01/30/2016 1:11:44 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare

Jake?


2,956 posted on 01/30/2016 1:27:02 PM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: Tax-chick

Dust bunnies. :)


2,957 posted on 01/30/2016 1:39:33 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Darksheare

And slowly but surely, they draw their plans against us....


2,958 posted on 01/30/2016 1:41:40 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Ah. At my house, they’re usually afraid to come in the living room. There are plenty of other rooms that are vacuumed more rarely, though.


2,959 posted on 01/30/2016 1:42:52 PM PST by Tax-chick ("This is all going to end very badly." ~ Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: NoCmpromiz
Obama WAS right..

Yes, but this was the only time.

2,960 posted on 01/30/2016 1:46:11 PM PST by The_Media_never_lie (The Bush family needs to just go away. The Clinton family needs just to go to prison.)
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