Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
HAH! No politicians in my family!
I figured making up the rules as they went along and all...
Yep. They should have, but one is unqualified because he leans to the Evil side of evil, and the other is honest as the day is long.
It’s probably just as well...
Did you make a typo? Did you mean one is over-qualified?
Yep. That pretty much sums it up...
Send him to Albany. He'll fit right in. Plus there's an opening for head-honcho-in-the-house now that Sheldon is unavoidably detained..
I suspect his Evil would be a bit too much for even Albany to deal with. Besides...he’s 11 years older than I am, and the families are all hoping his next birthday will be a non-event. ;o]
All the more reason to send him to Albany... ;-)
Rahm Evilmanuel has dibs.
Nah..
He’s to busy eviling up ChiTown..
I wish it could be arranged...but then there would be massive global warming in Albany....
And I’ve caused enough problems for one day, so I’m going to bed!
Have a good night!
I’m sure he wouldn’t mind more evil help.
Bill just spilled noodle soup on his new computer.
I’m pretty sure that’s not in the quick-start guide.
I was washing dishes when I heard a crash and a splash and said, “That doesn’t sound good!”
“Uh ... um ... aaagh!”
I handed him a roll of paper towels and skedaddled.
See, GeronL would be able to make a story out of that.
And it would probably involve something with a noodly appendage.
Mine did.
He’s back to work with it, so I guess it wasn’t a full catastrophe.
I see.
But it’s the only one available.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.