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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: fanfan

Congratulations! I hope you have a good time with them.


1,761 posted on 01/07/2016 5:14:11 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Not my fault.
I swear.


1,762 posted on 01/07/2016 6:18:54 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Covenantor; NoCmpromiz; moose07; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; null and void; ArGee

Turnip fields?

The Un’nions are here to destroy us.
The Un’nions had planned an invasion of Ea’rth. But first they needed a staging point that would nourish their floral bodies. They chose an insignificant black dirt community in southern New York that suited their needs, then the invasion began...
At first, no-one noticed the bulbous invaders resting in the dirt. Awaiting the signal from Tan-en-baum, their leader, to awake and begin converting the native species to fertilizer. One by one, the farmers disappeared. But then, Ortho came up with a better nutrient for the native bulbs.... And the Un’nions became overfed and went comatose. And the Orthos were the only ones who knew about the invaders..... and smiled as they ate their hamburgers with onions....


1,763 posted on 01/07/2016 6:20:35 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare

Morning, Darks. I like onions better than turnips.


1,764 posted on 01/08/2016 2:15:48 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Today's kitties live in Scotland.

1,765 posted on 01/08/2016 2:18:18 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

1,766 posted on 01/08/2016 2:43:52 AM PST by Slings and Arrows (My music: http://hopalongginsberg.com/ | Facebook: Hopalong Ginsberg)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Shhh, you’ll wake them up!


1,767 posted on 01/08/2016 3:10:30 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; Slings and Arrows; Monkey Face; Darksheare; moose07; ArGee; NicknamedBob; ...

Blonde blue eyed debil


1,768 posted on 01/08/2016 4:42:56 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

That’s a beautiful Siamese.


1,769 posted on 01/08/2016 5:00:54 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

Awwww....Lub dose kittehs!!! And they both have all the mousies!

I heart them!


1,770 posted on 01/08/2016 5:02:10 AM PST by Monkey Face (Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the dickens out of them. Clap for your damn self.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Oh, so THAT’s what a sporran is for! Good idea!!


1,771 posted on 01/08/2016 5:02:49 AM PST by Monkey Face (Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the dickens out of them. Clap for your damn self.)
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To: Covenantor

Beautiful cat! I love the coloring of Siamese and similar marked cats. It seems no two are the same shade, exactly.


1,772 posted on 01/08/2016 5:04:38 AM PST by Monkey Face (Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the dickens out of them. Clap for your damn self.)
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To: Tax-chick; Slings and Arrows; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; Darksheare; fanfan

On this day in 1935, Elvis Presley was born with his twin brother.

Just a bit a trivia while I wait for the bathroom to warm up.


1,773 posted on 01/08/2016 5:08:22 AM PST by Monkey Face (Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the dickens out of them. Clap for your damn self.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
Elvis is in the building!

Reminder that Peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich on toast, Elvis' favorite is at the top of the menu for the day.

Wait...bacon has to be in there....

1,774 posted on 01/08/2016 5:33:11 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

I see that my mobile debice copied the straight quotes as smart quotes.
Oh well.


1,775 posted on 01/08/2016 5:50:46 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Covenantor

So Vewwy Twue!

Gotsta have dat BACONBACONBACON!

Maybe I’ll get a tomato and some salad greens today and make a BLT. Ohyazzzz!


1,776 posted on 01/08/2016 5:56:42 AM PST by Monkey Face (Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the dickens out of them. Clap for your damn self.)
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To: Darksheare

Mobile debices are not message-friendly.

You should see some of the stuff between my daughter and I. That stuff is just plain hilarious, in view of what was meant to be said. :o]


1,777 posted on 01/08/2016 6:00:05 AM PST by Monkey Face (Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the dickens out of them. Clap for your damn self.)
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To: Covenantor

1,778 posted on 01/08/2016 6:05:22 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Monkey Face

I swear, the autocowrecker likes to abominate things.


1,779 posted on 01/08/2016 6:05:43 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Monkey Face

Auto core wrecked changed ‘seems’ to ‘Semmelweis’ on mine...


1,780 posted on 01/08/2016 6:06:38 AM PST by null and void (Not quite parallel, more like skew...)
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