ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

My lunch is currently sizzling on the stove. I can hardly wait! NOMNOMNOM!

[moose07]

The fish is now in the oven ,and the veg is being tortured in the steamer....
The anticipation......... :)

[Covenantor]

It wasn’t easy making that triple play.

Kitty
Monkey
Banana - that was the toughest link

Oh wait, home run! Chinese New Year

[Monkey Face]

The mini steak has been consumed, but the salad is in the fridge...

[Monkey Face]

:o])

[moose07]

Don’t dodge the salad.
It is sat there waiting for you....it would be just awful to disappoint it. :)

[moose07]

Home run...
I love these Rounders based sporting terms.
:)

[Monkey Face]

I’ll have the salad a little later, when I have my next pills. :o]

Some days, I just don’t have room for more than one thing.

[NoCmpromiz]

..waiting for the email that says it will be coming back fixed.

But before you get that you will get three more calls from Dell tech support in New Delhi, Texas..

[null and void]

Did you mean: New Dell-he, Texas?

[Tax-chick]

I’m making a beef and noodle casserole.

[Monkey Face]

They have sent emails in the past, so I doubt there will be phone calls in the future!

It’s pretty discouraging to try to deal with someone who, while having a good command of the English language, has left a bad taste in my mouth because of their inability to speak slowly and lucidly. THAT stinks, no matter where it comes from.

[moose07]

That sounds interesting.
Beef caserole with noodles or literally as it says?

[Tax-chick]

Beef, noodles, mixed vegetables, and pasta sauce, with cheese.

[moose07]

Crispy toasted cheese on top......be with you in ten minutes. :)

[Monkey Face]

Oh, that sounds good!!!

I just want something someone else made, for once! :o]

[NoCmpromiz]

And a caffeinated beverage?

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

[NoCmpromiz]

Possibly.

Isn’t that just down the road from Houston, India? ;-)

(Oh is Houston in Mexico, I forget..)

[moose07]

LoL,
03:00h syndrome.
:)
An instant Parisian style cafe coffee.
Now it just so happens that in this jar......