ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

Welp, the Toshiba just went black and stayed that way until I shut it off. I gave it about 10 minutes, and turned it back on. *sigh*

I hope it lasts until the Dell gets back... :o[

[stephenjohnbanker]

“It has been cold here in the mornings recently; 19 Fahrenheit on Monday. But they’re saying it may rain on Friday.”

Your neck of the woods has weird weather shifts.

[stephenjohnbanker]

I just lost my appetite for some reason....

[Monkey Face]

Especially for Chinese food.

[stephenjohnbanker]

Uh.....yeah.......

[stephenjohnbanker]

Any puppies yet?

[Tax-chick]

The other white meat ...

[Tax-chick]

I’ve finished some typing and emailing for church. Now I have a few minutes to check the boys’ math before lunch.

[Monkey Face]

I was going to go get my morphine prescription but the traffic looks ugly and my reflexes are not that good.

Maybe I’ll wait until Monday. Oh. What am I thinking? That’s wash day!

[stephenjohnbanker]

LOL!

[Tax-chick]

Off to the dentist ...

[A CA Guy]

Is that one lazy self entitled look or what?

[ArGee]

Banana ... hahahahahahahahaha ... Banana!

[ArGee]

You ask that right after the Chinese food comments?

Puh-leeze!

[stephenjohnbanker]

Yeah you are right ArGee. I shouldntna hadentna axed that....

[moose07]

Comic Timing is everything.....LoL+

[moose07]

Well , that was an Armpit of a day.

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

How’s it going, Moosie?

[Monkey Face]

Good luck!

I don’t envy you, but in a way, I do. I would really like to get my teeth taken care of.

[moose07]

Hi ‘Face.
Peace has descended for the evening.
Dinner is about to be extracted /beaten out / from the contents of the fridge.
:)