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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: ThomasThomas

In the absents of a high volume thread I am baking cornbread muffins tonight.


1,441 posted on 01/01/2016 9:47:23 PM PST by ThomasThomas (Replacing Obama will be an annus mirabilis.)
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To: fanfan; NicknamedBob

Thanks!


1,442 posted on 01/01/2016 10:25:04 PM PST by SunkenCiv (Here's to the day the forensics people scrape what's left of Putin off the ceiling of his limo.)
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To: Monkey Face

Oooh, good call!


1,443 posted on 01/01/2016 10:34:03 PM PST by SunkenCiv (Here's to the day the forensics people scrape what's left of Putin off the ceiling of his limo.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

1,444 posted on 01/02/2016 2:28:40 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

Happy New Year to all.


1,445 posted on 01/02/2016 3:19:39 AM PST by A CA Guy ( God Bless America, God Bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: NicknamedBob
The Black Sea was in I believe a more temperate climate...
I wholeheartedly agree -- all other things being equal, the temps are warmer with declining altitude and/or latitude.


1,446 posted on 01/02/2016 3:50:38 AM PST by SunkenCiv (Here's to the day the forensics people scrape what's left of Putin off the ceiling of his limo.)
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To: A CA Guy

Good morning! Happy New Year!


1,447 posted on 01/02/2016 3:54:48 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; SunkenCiv; ThomasThomas; moose07; All

THAT looks like an e-bil kittheh on the way to growing up!

I had to go to Walmart to get batteries for the mouse, and wouldn’t you know it? Walmart has it’s own radio station! GAH!!!

I want to go back to bed.


1,448 posted on 01/02/2016 5:55:18 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
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To: SunkenCiv; Monkey Face

Additionally, the Black Sea is close to fifteen times larger in area than Lake Baikal. For me, the primary difference from a study perspective is that the Black Sea may have many more submerged rather than sunken artifacts, and could well be the equivalent of civilization’s birthplace, (with its cradle just down the road).


1,449 posted on 01/02/2016 6:08:55 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Monkey Face

It’s 8 degrees here, now.


1,450 posted on 01/02/2016 8:07:41 AM PST by null and void (</x>)
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To: null and void

*shudder*

*br-r-r-r-r!*

Dang!


1,451 posted on 01/02/2016 8:08:59 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
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To: fanfan

I doubt I would live here if I didn’t have my snowblower.


1,452 posted on 01/02/2016 9:22:27 AM PST by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 HillaryForPrison2016)
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To: ColdOne

According to Eric Sloane, a hundred years or more ago, bridge-tenders, in the days when wheels were taken off carriages, and sled runners installed, had to move snow inside the covered bridges so that the sled runners wouldn’t scrape their way through.

Imagine! Moving snow onto the roadway to assist travel!

He also spoke of “stone boats”, which were used in the wintertime when the ground was frozen hard, to move heavy loads that could not be hauled across the muddy ground. Horses or mules for horsepower, of course.


1,453 posted on 01/02/2016 10:15:02 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Wow......up here they didn’t even plow thru town until the mid 80’s.....no phones here until around then too. Had to park vehicle about 10 miles out and could only drive snowmobiles to town.

Heck many here still only use them to get to their places.

I have seen the photos of the snow level years ago here....10f plus.


1,454 posted on 01/02/2016 11:35:32 AM PST by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 HillaryForPrison2016)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Good, and you? Happy New Year!


1,455 posted on 01/02/2016 1:55:19 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: Monkey Face; NicknamedBob; Tax-chick; No compromise; ColdOne

It sounds like a good plan, Face. (Not a good face palm.)

With your determination you’ll heal up fast. :-)


1,456 posted on 01/02/2016 1:59:34 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: NicknamedBob; Monkey Face; SunkenCiv

I don’t understand why more people aren’t metal detecting under the shore line, everywhere.


1,457 posted on 01/02/2016 2:04:30 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: fanfan
"After we broke up she became a streetwalker in Venice, and drowned." -- Woody Allen

1,458 posted on 01/02/2016 2:06:50 PM PST by SunkenCiv (Here's to the day the forensics people scrape what's left of Putin off the ceiling of his limo.)
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To: SunkenCiv; NicknamedBob; Monkey Face

LOL! Hubby has been following metal detector groups in England, and they dig up the most amazing stuff! Imagine the history that is still to be found under the coastal waters, waiting to be discovered....


1,459 posted on 01/02/2016 2:23:35 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: fanfan

One of my cousins did metal-detecting around his farm here in North Carolina and found a lot of interesting things, although nothing of great value.


1,460 posted on 01/02/2016 2:34:48 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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