ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[moose07]

LoL, Good Hunting,there. ,!
:D

[fanfan]

Well, good luck to your daughter. Glad that your son is happy and you still love your truck. What are they doing to your neck?

More Puppies are due Jan. 6th, and Kali looks bigger than the last time when she had 8. If you know anyone who would love a beautiful puppy, send them my way!

Kid’s are good, and my Grandson is a Doll! I’ll send you some pictures.

[fanfan]

OK, thanks,
34 will help the snow settle. Thank goodness that happens. Imagine if 6 feet of snow stayed 6 feet high?

[NicknamedBob]

"My daughter is divorcing her hubby of 14 years ..."

Teen-age boys are too immature for marriage.

[ColdOne]

LOL....it does stay 6ft here at times.

[null and void]

[fanfan]

LOL! This is why when reviewing a post I always think of Bob and T-C!

[fanfan]

Doesn’t your snow settle?

[fanfan]

That wasn’t snow. That was climate change. ;)

[Monkey Face]

Yes, I am often a victim of my own oversight! LOL!

It’s difficult to post appropriately adultly with those two looking over my shoulder... ;o]

[Monkey Face]

W00t!

[ColdOne]

Yes....but it snows alot up here. We can get 2ft overnight for a couple of days.

[NicknamedBob]

You know of course, with that much water locked up in ice, the coast line would look different.

That difference is what allowed a lot of islands to be settled; they only became islands later.

[NicknamedBob]

"It's difficult to post appropriately adultly with those two looking over my shoulder..."

I don't know what more I could do to show you the level at which my adult-rated mind works.

[Monkey Face]

The arthritis in my neck (two whiplash injuries in car accidents) is pinching my spinal cord, and without surgery, I risk being paralyzed.

Not a good thing to look forward to.

[Monkey Face]

Your adult mind just knows how to play, is all...

[NoCmpromiz]

Ice before it hits the ground? Happy New Year! ;-)

[NicknamedBob]

The bigger your playhouse, the more room your imagination has to play in. I have a whole galaxy to work with.

[fanfan]

It takes important (life or death) skills to live in those conditions. Nice to have modern tech.

[Tax-chick]

Afternoon, fanfan! Happy New Year!