ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[NoCmpromiz]

Well, the neighbor-caterwampus-across-the-road who I haven't seen since he had a fight with his wife did not appear to set off the annual New Year's fireworks. However at 0014 a flock of geese flew over honking and geesing and stuff. Then maybe ten minutes after the flyby of the goose family we heard some percussive sounds as of fire works coming from the general direction of North. Since they were at a distance we did not feel motivated enough to venture outside to listen as any visual activity that may have accompanied said percussive effects would have been blocked by the regrowth of trees in that general direction so we couldn't have gone "OOOh! AAAHHH!" and similar emotings.

We thus passed into another year with very little fanfare or audio-visually enhanced celebratory activity.

So Happy New Year*...

*Fireworks not included. May be purchased in our On Line Store... ;-)

[Tax-chick]

Good morning. Jake stayed out all night, but it didn’t rain.

[Tax-chick]

[Liberty Valance]

[Tax-chick]

Good morning!

[Monkey Face]

Happy New Year, everyone!

The good meal I cooked and Charlie were gone at about the same time. He left and I lost the meal within 15 minutes. I’m still not feeling all that great this morning, but I’m here.

The money hasn’t been refunded by Circle K, so there isn’t much chance of it before Monday, and I’m out of funds. It’s that simple.

[Monkey Face]

31 degrees, W@6,41%, Wind Chill 25.

Br-r-r-r!!!

[ColdOne]

Howdy.....well we had a bloomin’ heat wave overnight. We usually get 20 below. Overnight....only minus 15 :0)

In a bit I will go out on the porch and do our New Years tradition of tossing a hot glass of water off the front porch.

Yeah I need a life....LOL!!!!

Happy New Year!

[Covenantor]

Toss it downwind!

But you’ve already learned that.

;>)

[Monkey Face]

Happy New Year, CO!

Your NY tradition sounds like more excitement than I can stand! It’s not ever cold enough here for that. Well, it is, but not in the last 20 years! LOL!

I hope the new year brings you lots of blessings!

[Monkey Face]

Happy New Year Covenantor! I hope the Lord will bless you with those things that He deems good for you! <3

[ColdOne]

LOL.....Blessings to you as well.

[ColdOne]

LOL...yes. When I snowblow I do the same thing. Always check the wind direction.

;o]

[Tax-chick]

Happy New Year! Do you time how long it takes for the water to freeze?

[NicknamedBob]

"Do you time how long it takes for the water to freeze?"

The thumb would still be on the stopwatch.

[ColdOne]

Instantly....before it leaves the glass. I video taped it last year. It makes a cool sound too. If I figure out how to put it on my photobucket page I will do so again and post link if anyone cares.

[ColdOne]

Yup.

[null and void]

[Monkey Face]

This is pretty awesome!

And brought to mind what a joy it was to have Sionnsar here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to1xT93IlUI&feature=youtu.be

[Monkey Face]

That’s what I need to do, for sure! LOL!

How are you feeling, Nully? Still stiff and achy?