ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[ArGee]

Yes, like a fine thoroughbred, the 7 must be exercised regularly.

The minivan that I haven’t even registered recently, OTOH...

I suppose it will be a real problem if we ever decide to drive or sell it. For now - STORAGE. (You don’t want a minivan to park on NYC streets.)

[Covenantor]

Was reading that this storm has a name, Storm Frank. Is this naming protocol recent? Don’t recall ever hearing of such before.

Prayers for all.

[NoCmpromiz]

it hadn’t been out of the garage since like August.

That'll do it. Sumptin like Mrs. NoC's Audi. It hasn't been driven since, well Sept at least. Went to start it - battery dead. (New battery last winter but the goldplated VW has stuff that is 'on' all the time so if you don't start it for a couple of months you'd better have jumper cables. Even low current drawing thingies eventually will suck all the life out of a battery. ;-)

If you're going to leave it sit unused toss some Sta-Bil in the tank..

The other issue we have here is the 'summer' or 'winter' blend of cornsqueezings, er, gasohol. The winter blend really kills the fuel mileage - Subaru drops almost 5mpg. But at least the Audi doesn't throw a check engine light when they switch blends. The Subaru does..

So I break out the trusty scantool and reset it. Good until they switch blends again.. Maybe some day I'll replace the O2 sensor that freaks out when it sniffs the blend change - like when it refuses to stay reset.. ;-)

[Monkey Face]

Ahdang. Does anyone know what the problem is?

[moose07]

The naming idea is new this year, designed to reduce confusion.
So far so good.
The media have cost lives by making up their own names and thus chaos ensues.

[Monkey Face]

That stinks. Sounds like your media are a lot like ours...sadly.

[moose07]

More sensationalism and thoughtlessness than malicious intent.
If the idea works elsewhere.....give it a go. :)

[Covenantor]

Am I correct that Noscript refers to Javascript?

It’s enabled on my Android.

[Dead Corpse]

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/faq

[Darksheare]

I got to it too late.
:-(

[NoCmpromiz]

NoScript is an extension for FireFox that blocks any scripts (including Javascript) from running unless you ok it. You’d be surprised how many sites have hidden scripts in them..

If you’re not using FireFox that’s probably not the issue, but I had to allow scripts from that site in order to see the Viking Kitties..

[ArGee]

Ah, well, every move comes just in time. Maybe 10,000 posts, maybe 100, but just in time.

[Tax-chick]

Floofy kitteh wonders if you're really leaving the house looking like that.

[Monkey Face]

I was awakened by the alarm on my truck going full tilt at 0300. Unngh! I’m glad I didn’t have to leave my patio to shut it off!

Going outside at that hour made me realize that night sweats are even colder when it’s 30 degrees outside. *sheesh* I tried going back to bed, but by the time I ran outside and shut it off, the mood was spoiled.

The bed was warm but the sheets were damp. *sigh*

(Ungh...waiting for the morphine to kick in...) :o|

I found a really cute gif on Facebook yesterday; Two monkeys decide to go for a joy ride on the back of a wart hog. Dang! I laughed at that!! That porker was really streaking through the woods!

[Tax-chick]

Sorry about your early alarm! Hope it wasn’t anything serious.

We’re trying to get the young persons out of bed to go to the gym, but it’s not very successful so far. Later I’m going to The Salvation Army.

Another day of 70s and rain most of the day.

[Monkey Face]

I think the alarm was set off by a cat. Some of them have learned that hoods can be warm at times, and will jump up to take a snooze. The odd thing is that I accidently turned the alarm on yesterday, and just dismissed it, rather than turn it off.

At least the truck wasn’t at the bottom of the driveway!!

I’m heading for Walmart.

[Covenantor]

We’re trying to get the young persons out of bed to go to the gym, but it’s not very successful so far. Later I’m going to The Salvation Army.

I like that...motivating them with the threat of dropping them off at the Salvation Army. ;>)

[Covenantor]

Drip method coffee takes sooooo loooongg...

[ArGee]

Is kitteh wondering why the house still looks like that or why I still look like that?

[Monkey Face]

Back from Walmart.

When I headed for the truck, I saw that the little ol’ shuffling lady had parked next to me but the front end of her car covered the sidewalk. That’s a no-no here, as so many residents are in motorized scooters. This gal shouldn’t even be here.

And she SURE as heck shouldn’t be driving! Yesterday, we watched her pull into the parking spot and ran up over the curb. She tried it twice more before she got parked right.

When it gets light out, I will go to Circle K to fill the tank and get the truck washed. That will be nice! Then, if it’s a nice day, I can come back and wax it. :o])