Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
WIN!!!
There it was shining and glorious......
Must go, night. :)
Good night! A happy Boxing Day in advance.
I wonder why “Downton Abbey” never did a Boxing Day episode.
Oh, dear. It’s tiny crisis time. Kathleen has realized she’s exhausted and is having a Spasm because her new Frozen dress with purple net flounces is dirty from jumping in mud puddles in her new Frozen rain boots. No amount of, “We’ll put it in the washer!” is relieving the trauma.
I guess she just needs to chill.
I took her to lie down, and then she decided to change her clothes, and all was well.
It’s amazing to me that you can solve problems of global scale and significance in such a calm and professional manner.
I knew that I was correct to choose you as Executive Secretary.
Once we send out the Edicts, I am sure it will just be a matter of time.
The galaxy will be squared away in no time. All it needs is a hug and a set of clean clothes.
I gfot new mittens!@ You can”:t typew qwwell wqith mittenas.
I used to have fingerless gloves so I could type in a really cold office. As I sat at my desk in my coat, scarf, and fingerless gloves, people would say, “Are you leaving?” and I’d say, “No, not until 5:00 ...”
It supposed to be hot here indefinitely. The 10-day forecast shows nights below freezing, but that’s just because they’re reverting to the mean.
I have a pair of those. I also have some gloves that work with touch screens. When I worked in the photo lab I had fingers cots. The are the opposite of no finger gloves.
No-glove fingers? I’ve just seen touch-screen gloves in the stores the last week.
Oh, and the ‘spensive ‘puter?
Opening the lid is a little stiff due to the whole frame being bent, but it boots up OK.
Most of the day in ER, multiplicity of X-rays and CT scans, no broken bones, just muscle strains and minor bruises.
Have an Rx NSAID and muscle relaxant.
I go nite-nite now...
Sleep well ,Nully.
The Shock will need to be slept off, now you know you’re intact.
When you arise : Happy Boxing day.
I wonder why “Downton Abbey†never did a Boxing Day episode.....
By tradition Boxing day was the staffs’ day off.
I doubt if Lord and Lady fffffarquarsmythson could operate the recording equipment, most of them could scarcely boil an egg.
Spoiler.....
The series they are currently recording will be the last.
Highclear castle has now been thoroughly restored from the cash generated.
Happy Boxing Day!
Morning. The power was off for a while last night, and now I can’t get the computer back on. No kitteh until the engineer gets up.
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