Looks OK to me.
Posted on 02/08/2015 5:28:57 PM PST by blueunicorn6
I try to be a good neighbor and get in the spirit of things in the neighborhood. At Christmas, I put up some lights on the front of the house. The really smart neighbor lady at Church kept talking about her "crèche". I didn't want to appear any more ignorant than I am (and some people say they don't think that's possible) so I didn't ask her what a crèche is. Using my superior talents of deduction, I figured that crèche was French for "creek". I like to be a part of the conversation, so I told her that we had a lot of fish in our crèche this year. She looked at me like I had just said "grablsnort" or something. I had said that earlier, but I was pretty sure she had gotten over that. "You have fish in your crèche?", she asked. "Yes" I replied."Trout and Suckers." She walked away nodding her head. And they say you have to be fluent in French to be really cultured. Wee wee on that. Turns out a crèche is a Nativity Scene. Leave it to the French to make things more complicated. They couldn't call it a Nativity Scene. It's like when I was at that French restaurant. I ordered escargot. Could they call it "Nasty, slimy snails"? No. Escargot. I thought it was probably chicken. Oh no. That's "Le cluck cluck" or something. The French seem to have a different word for most everything. Anyway. Our house is two stories. There's a roof over the front porch. I crawl out of one of the bedroom windows on the second story to put the lights up on the top roof. I'm not a nimble as I used to be, so I tie a rope around my waist and have my wife hold onto it from the open window. Of course, since both of us are up there, all four dogs have to come and see if they can be of any help. The girl dog is very feminine and usually just sits quietly and watches. Unless there's snacks involved. Then it's like you've got an angry polar bear in the house. Fortunately, she doesn't see me as a snack, so she was just watching. The little dog is a sneak. He's locked me out of the house several times. Once, there was a Mountain Lion in the back yard. Little chicken. Oh, how I begged him to unlock the door. He just sat there making bets with the other dogs on how many seconds I'd last with the Mountain Lion. I enrolled him in Gamblers Anonymous after that. He got kicked out for betting on how many people would show up for the meeting. I warned my wife to keep him away from the window. I didn't need him locking the window on me while I'm on the roof. I think he was working on his card tricks. The two brother dogs appeared to be very interested in what I was doing. They aren't identical twins. One is pretty chubby. He thinks he's people. The other brother knows he's a dog. The chubby brother jumped out the window and decided to help me. Now, I give him an A for caring, but honestly, you need to have thumbs to work those Christmas light clips. What was he thinking? He got about halfway across the porch roof when he decided that he shouldn't be on the roof. Now a regular person, or dog, would try to get back in through the window. But not him. I see him get that look in his eye. That look that says "All my brains have been turned off". He then faces downhill and begins to run. The rest is kind of a blur. My wife screamed. She handed her end of my safety rope to the other dog brother. The other dog brother opened his mouth and gasped in astonishment thereby releasing his hold on my safety rope. My wife ran downstairs. The little dog tricked the girl dog with the card with the bent corner. I chased after the pudgy brother dog. One of the great gaps in a dogs education is that they never learn any science. They have no concept of aerodynamics or gravity. This is a real shortcoming on their part. The pudgy dog hit the end of the roof and leaped off doing what I am sure was his best impression of Superdog with two legs out front and two legs pointing back. In his mind, I'm sure he thought he could do a barrel roll and perhaps a loop, but the laws of physics are not to be toyed with. He dropped like a sack of rocks. I thought my wife had secured my safety line, and too late I realized that I was a ship with no anchor. A ship with no anchor going over the edge of the roof. The neighbors said I looked like a yo-yo that came off someone's finger what with me trailing a rope. My training in Judo on how to properly land in a fall took over and I landed on my head. No damage possible there. The pudgy dog walked over to sniff me. He was fine. I think he was hoping I'd cooked a hamburger for him on the way down. My wife came tearing out the front door screaming "Are you alright? Are you alright?" She grabbed the pudgy dog. She took him inside to give him a snack. The little dog ran downstairs and closed and locked the front door. It took me several minutes to get my wind back. But, I had gotten the lights up on the top of the house. My wife and I and the dogs went out that night to look at our lights. One light had burned out. My wife has been known to wear one each of two different pairs of shoes. But when it comes to Christmas lights, she's a perfectionist. "Look. One of the lights is already burned out. You'll have to go back out on the roof tomorrow to replace it." The little dog was already taking bets and giving odds on me.
Well, I thought I put the paragraph breaks in. Stupid, stupid Apple.
LMAO.
Looks OK to me.
That made me laugh out loud!!
It’s February and you are talking about putting up Christmas tree lights?
Where is the story on taking them down!!?? (I know - after replacing the bad bulb the doctor told you to stay off your feet for the next two months!)
Or - perhaps you figured out to just leave them up all year! (I tried that once.)
Funny story! Reminds me of the guy that used to write on Outdoor Life - Patrick McManus or something like that.
http://www.patrickfmcmanus.com/
I was right! But - they just closed down his website and no more sales of his books and stuff. The end of an era. (Ebay I suppose if one is interested).
A tornado tried to pick up Brian Williams once but he overpowered it.
Very funny!
Lol!!!
That doesn't happen until June.
Geez - put some paragraphs in that thing - I’m getting dizzy!
Living in warmer climes, I forgot that growing up in the north it probably WAS June by the time the snow had thawed and the lights would come down.
However, getting them down now with the help of a blow torch, ice pick and a scalding-hot pot of water would make for a better story!
“The pudgy dog walked over to sniff me. He was fine. I think he was hoping I’d cooked a hamburger for him on the way down. “
A similar thing happened when I fell down some stairs years ago. The dog came over, looked at me as if to ask “do you have any food since you’re down here?” and when I didn’t she jumped over me and continued upstairs to mooch.
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