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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 03/14/2014 5:57:50 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Today's lesson, from Common (Commie) Core
Let's start out with English and Language Arts
Reading Time!
Church Ladies
Typewriters.
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you .
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help .
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
" I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours .
And now for Economics & Civics
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Chris Matthews leg has quit tingling.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Rush Limbaugh is smoking Swisher Sweets.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the Grey Poupon guy has switched to Frenchs.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the White House china is actually being made in China.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the President is changing his slogan to Hope and Spare Change!
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Nancy Pelosi is selling earmarks for 1/2 price.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Saturday Night Live is thinking about telling an Obama joke.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the President is running a small business on the side. Its called GM.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Rosie ODonnell is losing weight.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Kenya now claims he wasnt born there.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Al Gore is selling carbon credits on late night television.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Bill Ayers has to make do with M-80s.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the White House plans to cut Hillary Clintons hours.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Baracks pyramid is on hold.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Michelle fired her nanny and learned her childrens names.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the airlines are installing pay toilets in coach.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that you can order checks pre-marked Insufficient Funds.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Congress is planning a spare change for clunkers program.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Americans are being caught sneaking into Mexico.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the Chicago mob is laying off judges.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Jesse Jackson is renting a limo.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that it only takes one lick to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Motel Six wont leave the light on for you anymore.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that they now ask at the burger counter, Can you afford fries with that?
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the federal stimulus checks are bouncing.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that banking executives are playing miniature golf.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that the CEO of Wal-Mart was seen shopping at Wal-Mart.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that one of the the best paying jobs nowadays is jury duty.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that even people who arent in the Cabinet have stopped paying taxes.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Michael Vick is working at Petco.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Al Sharpton cuts his own hair.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that McDonalds has a layaway plan.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Bill Clinton watches scrambled porn.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that John Edwards is cutting his own hair.
The Obama economy Sucks so bad
that Obama is robbing Paul to pay Peter.
And now for some Math
TOPICS: Books/Literature; Chit/Chat; Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: commiecore; commoncore; education; indoctrination; littleredschoolhouse; naughtyteacherslist; ofst; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen
Wow, what a great forum to tell about my time as a middle school math teacher. When the time came around, I used a pay stub to explain certain concepts, methods & procedures. I used $10,000 as the base, and we went through each tax & deduction on a typical pay stub. First. We would take the federal tax. Then, when we began to address the state tax, I informed the class that the tax was on the original $10,000, not what was left after the federal tax. Most of the students then would protest as unfair. As we moved on with the other taxes, some students would become depressed. Some parents loved what I was doing. Hopefully I created some future capitalists that today will vote & act to restore our freedom.
To: Dead Corpse
82
posted on
03/14/2014 2:57:08 PM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: TheOldLady
83
posted on
03/14/2014 3:50:51 PM PDT
by
Eaker
(Sweat dries, blood clots and bones heal so suck it up buttercup.)
To: TheOldLady
84
posted on
03/14/2014 4:18:45 PM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Rummyfan
85
posted on
03/14/2014 4:18:53 PM PDT
by
proudpapa
(Scott Walker - 2016)
To: Ronaldus Magnus III
That's awesome. Teachers like you seem to be rare. Thank you.
86
posted on
03/14/2014 4:20:34 PM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: proudpapa
87
posted on
03/14/2014 4:21:31 PM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: ErnBatavia
Some of you are getting off topic...eh...hem...
88
posted on
03/14/2014 4:23:00 PM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Ronaldus Magnus III
89
posted on
03/14/2014 4:24:21 PM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Eaker
St. Patricks Day is Monday, March 17.
That's what I thought but I had a few beers at work anyway.
I keep telling my boss, If I could have a happy 15 minutes around 5:25-ish, I'd stay another two hours.
He still won't go for it, damn him.
To: synbad600
91
posted on
03/14/2014 4:54:19 PM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: gnickgnack2
why do you call it a combine when its job is to separate? Because it is a "combined" header barge and threasher, ok. 8^)
To: Lucky9teen
To: Eaker
To: TheOldLady
95
posted on
03/14/2014 7:58:33 PM PDT
by
YepYep
(Build the America you want at your address, and keep looking up.--Sarah Palin)
To: YepYep
Go on and snag it if you like.
To: synbad600
97
posted on
03/15/2014 10:39:27 AM PDT
by
Eaker
(Sweat dries, blood clots and bones heal so suck it up buttercup.)
To: TheOldLady
That's weird...it was there before...
98
posted on
03/15/2014 10:54:50 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
To: Lucky9teen
I tried to look at the source code and saw the link, but when I tried to isolate it, I got the “tiny white dot” treatment.
Some sort of hot-linking prevention, I think. I always launder my images through an image host.
Those cookies look as if they might attract Leprechauns. Hide your gold. ;-)
Thank you for posting the pic again.
To: Lucky9teen
100
posted on
03/17/2014 6:46:46 AM PDT
by
JRios1968
(I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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