Posted on 04/10/2013 11:25:33 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows
Let's talk about the mom who regrets her children. Last week, the Daily Mail published a first-person story by Isabella Dutton, a 57 year old mother of two who declared her children to be "the biggest regret of her life." Since the Daily Mail is possibly the internet's leading purveyor of "human interest in hating other humans" stories, it goes without saying that the article incited (and was intended to incite) a monstrous tsunami of scorn.
"A mother could never regret her children." It's a truism. But considering the life-altering effect of children on their mothers, it seems impossible that it could really be a universal truth. Isabella Dutton is clearly very unhappy. She feels trapped by the intense demands of her children, calling them parasites. I know lots of mothers who feel this way sometimes. But feeling like your kids are sucking your life force is one thing. Feeling like they "give nothing meaningful back in return"? That's something different.
Dutton believes she simply lacked the wiring for motherhood. She never wanted kids, but didn't want to deny her husband the experience.
(Excerpt) Read more at shine.yahoo.com ...
I have a 57 year old brother (with issues) still living with Mom and Dad. Although he’s worried my mom sick, she still loves him. I’ve never heard a word of regret from her mouth. There simply aren’t enough like her (or my Dad for that matter). I give them all the credit for how I turned out, I thank God for having those two as my parents. I’m a FReeper vs an Occupier because of them.
Exactly. We don’t really know the context here, beyond she didn’t really want children at all.
After all, if your only child whom you cared for greatly for decades turned out to be a Moslem terrorist or serial killer, wouldn’t you be a bit miffed?
This woman is 57. Her kids could be anywhere from 10 to 37. Lots of that could cover very disappointing adults.
Otherwise, yes, it’s sad generally speaking a woman would feel this way. The man should not have married her if she said she didn’t want kids.
It sounds like she took care of her kids and still does with the daughter:
From the article:
But there were provisos: if I was going to have children I knew absolutely - illogical as it may seem in view of my feelings - that I intended to raise them myself without any help from nannies or childminders.
This wasn’t a way of assuaging my guilt, because I felt none. It was simply that, having brought them into the world, I would do my best for them.
I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children - especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment - then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.
Why have them at all if you don’t want to bring them up, or can’t afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.
And here, perhaps, is the nub of it: I would not take on the job of motherhood and do it half-heartedly. Unlike so many would-be mums I thought hard about the responsibilities of my role, and, I believe, if more women did before rushing heedlessly into it, they might share my reservations.
I did not really think about Stuart at all, until Tony returned after work and asked where he was.
He was fine, of course, but when they wheeled him back into the ward I did not experience that sudden leap of the heart that new mums are expected to feel. Instead I sat down with a cup of tea and thought bleakly, ‘What have I done?’
Back home, I resolved to breastfeed. I knew it would be best for Stuart and I think every mother should do it. But even during this intimate act, that elusive bond failed to form.
Stuart fed voraciously, every two hours. He seemed almost permanently attached to me, but the proximity of this suckling infant did not make me feel maternal.
I never wanted to hurt Stuart - I only wanted him to prosper and thrive. There is no doubt I grew to love him very much, and indeed still do. But I always wished I had never had him.
SNIP
Jo, 31, shares my opinion about motherhood: she has never wanted children; perhaps my views have shaped hers.
It is her tragedy that eight years ago she developed multiple sclerosis and had to give up her job as a chef. She is now bed-bound and lives with Tony and me.
I am her full-time carer and if I could have MS instead of her, I gladly would. She knows I would do anything to relieve her suffering and that I will care for her as long as I am able. I am 57 now and as I approach old age, I have an ever-more dependent daughter.
Yet I would cut off my right arm if she or Stuart needed it.
And that, maybe, is the paradox. I am a conscientious and caring parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been.
wow, I do not even understand the concept of “regretting children”, my children are my greatest joy.
Here’s the article. Other than being brutally honest, she sounds like she took care of her children. Her daughter has MS and she still looks after her:
My Mom who had nine children wishes she could go back in time and have all her kids young and together again. I tell her shes a glutton for punishment but shes serious as all get out.
Everyone is trained to chant: “my children are the greatest thing in my life . . blah, blah, blah.” If that is true, most people are just a bunch of losers who cannot make their own contribution to the world. And, at least a third of the “children” of the world are a menace that the world be be far better without.
We are not all cut from the same cloth. She took care of her kids. She did things with them. She stayed home with them. She breastfed. She got them to adulthood. She’s still looking after her daughter that has MS. She sounds better than some that claim they do love their kids and they are wanted.
I read the article
The woman lacked the ability to bond with her children. I’m sure it happens more than we think. (How can a mother offer a young child up to pedophiles for money, but some do). Very sad for the kids.
And WTH is the point of her going on about it now?
Kids are grown, she has her life back pretty much. Why inflict your selfish need to unburden yourself publicly upon them?
Along with sitting in her basement blogging all day as captainunderpantsH8sTBaggers.com
It’s why we love ‘em.
The Daily Mail article says that she’s the caregiver for her daughter, who has MS.
The same thing with a friend of mine, his mother said she regretted having him and he is her primary care giver
Jack Nicholson
I regret my eEX-husband, but I would NEVER regret my children. My 3 sons are the lights of my life.
winnah!
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