These are great. The website has hundreds of them.
1 posted on
06/25/2012 3:32:27 AM PDT by
barmag25
To: barmag25
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris can jump out of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afriad to move.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
2 posted on
06/25/2012 3:59:03 AM PDT by
barmag25
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris can play a drum solo on the guitar
3 posted on
06/25/2012 4:14:58 AM PDT by
JRios1968
(I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
To: barmag25
4 posted on
06/25/2012 4:19:24 AM PDT by
GreenLanternCorps
("Barack Obama" is Swahili for "Jimmy Carter".)
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris once lit a fart in the Great Sahara Rain Forest.
7 posted on
06/25/2012 4:36:56 AM PDT by
N. Theknow
(Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
To: barmag25
Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs to bed.
To: barmag25; All
Too much laughter on a Monday morning! LOL!
10 posted on
06/25/2012 4:41:31 AM PDT by
Carriage Hill
(All libs & most dems think that life is just a sponge bath, with a happy ending.)
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris can bench press a iceberg.
Chuck Norris can fire Donald Trump.
Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
11 posted on
06/25/2012 5:26:08 AM PDT by
4yearlurker
(No matter who you elect,the government eventually gets in.)
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris can post to Free Republic using an abacus.
To: barmag25; All
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He just scares the crap out of it.
14 posted on
06/25/2012 5:45:53 AM PDT by
musicman
(Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
To: barmag25
15 posted on
06/25/2012 6:20:06 AM PDT by
Conservative_Jedi
(Give me Liberty or give me Death!!)
To: barmag25; SpinnerWebb
My all time favorite ..
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
16 posted on
06/25/2012 6:26:18 AM PDT by
tx_eggman
(Liberalism is only possible in that moment when a man chooses Barabas over Christ.)
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris is in the new Expendebles 2 movie. I read that he had them write out the F-word from the script, in order to get a PG-13 rating. Seriously.
18 posted on
06/25/2012 6:39:52 AM PDT by
Paradox
(I want Obama defeated. Period.)
To: barmag25
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When Obama stands next to Chuck Norris, Obama is called “The Two”.
Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they invade.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
Chuck Norris can pay attention in cash.
Chuck Norris actually completed Tetris.
23 posted on
06/25/2012 7:13:58 AM PDT by
Old Sarge
(Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc... not just pretty words...)
To: barmag25
25 posted on
06/25/2012 7:53:00 AM PDT by
Salamander
(I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name.)
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris put the ‘fun’ in funeral.
Chuck Norris put the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris left a bar drunk and had sex with a Mac Truck in the parking lot...nine months later Optimus Prime was born.
26 posted on
06/25/2012 7:53:48 AM PDT by
Abundy
To: barmag25
Chuck Norris dosen’t always wash his truck, but when he does he uses Dos XXs.
29 posted on
06/25/2012 10:42:32 AM PDT by
TonyM
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