I am in Control Day
Not to be confused with Back Up Your Birth Control Day
Posted on 03/30/2012 6:19:13 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
The man came to see the doctor about his constant fatigue and the doctor said, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to give up sex.” The man said, “But I’m a young guy. I’m in the prime of my life. How can I just give up sex?” “Well,” the doctor said, “you do what everyone does. You get married and you taper off gradually.”
nhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqymcJRSbxI
They say that memory is the first to go. I say... ooh, shiny!
Having read many versions of “we shouldn’t have survived our childhoods” I am surprised to have read the best one yet. That was my childhood, gang of 7 gone all day and all the rest.
Fortunately for them, today’s youth have no idea how wonderful that was.
I too easily identified with the list, surviving them all and very more.
It does seem more then passingly strange that so much of ‘life’ is prohibited now - I’m thinking that we’ve become way too civilized with life lived by someone’s standards that we don’t even know. Just look at the way we wage war versus our enemies.
I fail to find the humor in that joke.
Too close to home
When I had my last check-up my doctor said I needed to give up half of my sex life. So I asked, which half, thinking about it or reading about it?
President Obama was interviewing for new accountants to handle the books for his Obamacare scheme. Barack asked the first applicant, “What does one plus one equal?” The accountant was escorted out of the White House after answering, “Two.” Barack then asked the next applicant, “What does one plus one equal?” That one answered, “What do you want it to equal?” Obama promptly replied, “You’ve got the job.”
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Guys here they are “ The rules for looking at Breasts”
1.If you are with a woman and the woman is your wife or girlfriend - now is not a good time to look.
2.If you are with your mother, girlfriends mother or grandmother (the key word here is mother) you don’t want to explain what your looking at so now is probably not a good time to look
3.If you are with your sister look all you want - but not at hers.
4.If you are with a female aquaintance use the dating rule - If you want to date her follow the wife rule. If you don’t want to date her follow the sister rule.
5.If you are with a male aquaintance this is your chance. Look all you want, feel free to make any comments you want.
Exemptions......
You may purchase an exemption for the price of a dark pair of sunglasses(and Flowers if you’ve been caught)
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Under ObamaCare all Lasik procedures will be done outside. In the sun. With a magnifying glass.
Q. What is the Obama health care plan to prevent obesity?
A. That by destroying the economy it will discourage eating.
ObamaCare side effects may include swollen deficits, shortness of doctors, difficulty getting treatment, elevated tax rates and premature death.
ObamaCare is a medical mystery that even Doctor House couldn’t figure out.
If the Obama health care plan makes sense to you, it’s time to up your medication.
Here’s another sign of ObamaCare. Examination rooms have tip jars.
Dr Seuss meets Obama
“I do not like Barack Obama, I do not like his health care scam. I do not like that sneaky crook, or how he lies and cooks the books. I do not like it when he steals, I do not like his secret deals. I do not like that metro man, I do not like his ‘YES WE CAN.’ I do not like his spending spree, does he not know that nothing’s free? I do not like his smug replies, I do not like his constant lies. I do not like his kind of hope. I do not like it. Nope, nope, nope.”
I’m with you - it does seem like a scenario that can’t be avoided, sort of like death and taxes.
Now, I’m a little depressed.
Subject: Memory Lane
Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,
For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.
We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.
We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz , and no one’s seen him since.
We danced to ‘Little Darlin,’ and sang to ‘Stagger Lee’
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.
Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney .
And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice..
We didn’ t have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.
Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn’t talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We had our share of heroes, we never thought they’d go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.
For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We’d never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren’t named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.
And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees
Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We’d never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and ‘gay’ meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We hadn’t seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.
And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.
Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.
And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.
We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me.
There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda , and cats were not called Bill.
And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.
But all things have a season, or so we’ve heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.;
They send us invitations to join AARP,
We’ve come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me.
So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they’re using smaller print in magazines.
And we tell our children’s children of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.
If you didn’t grow up in the fifty’s, you missed the greatest time in
history.
AND NOW........For those of you too young to remember
Ask your older brothers or sister or grandparents!!!
It's orchestrated. “Dumbing down America” was one of the earliest phrases that caught our ears, “PC” came along later amoung other processes, and it just kept accelerating, taking the life out of our young-soon-to-be-specially scripted adults.
...not with a bang but a whimper.
Just follow Einbahnstrasse, it will take you there.
I went to a performance at the Kennedy Center where the musician played the grand piano with a windshield squeegee.......the antithesis of your post
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