I am in Control Day
Not to be confused with Back Up Your Birth Control Day
Posted on 03/30/2012 6:19:13 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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Oval office answering machine....
You have reached the office of the President of the United States. President Obama is either away from his desk or not in the Oval Office at this time. At the tone, please leave your name, your telephone number, the size of the bailout or earmark that you are seeking and the aggregate dollar amount of your campaign donations to date.
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Here's lookin' at you....
Most of you should appreciate this...some won’t have a clue what it’s all about!
According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids
in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s probably shouldn’t have survived.
Our baby cots were covered with brightly colored lead-based paint which
was promptly chewed and licked.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent ‘clackers’ on our wheels.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding
in the passenger seat was a treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the same.
We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop
with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one
actually died from this.
We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top
speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running
into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no one minded.
We did not have Play-stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99
channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones,
no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.
We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again.
We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue - we learned to get over it.
We walked to friend’s homes.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and
although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes out,
nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.
We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you’re one of them. Congratulations!
Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real
kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.
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The aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor, to the student from the University of Houston, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” replied the student.
“And the opposite of depression?” the professor asked of the young lady from Rice.
“Elation,” said she.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas A&M. “How about the opposite of woe?”
The Aggie replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
______
He's nuts over her.
I don't get it. Seems like the right answer to me.
Fightin' Texas Aggie Class of 1986... fourth generation Aggie... father of the fifth generation Aggie that starts this fall.
Guys here they are “ The rules for looking at Breasts”
1.If you are with a woman and the woman is your wife or girlfriend - now is not a good time to look.
2.If you are with your mother, girlfriends mother or grandmother (the key word here is mother) you don’t want to explain what your looking at so now is probably not a good time to look
3.If you are with your sister look all you want - but not at hers.
4.If you are with a female aquaintance use the dating rule - If you want to date her follow the wife rule. If you don’t want to date her follow the sister rule.
5.If you are with a male aquaintance this is your chance. Look all you want, feel free to make any comments you want.
Exemptions
You may purchase an exemption for the price of a dark pair of sunglasses(and Flowers if you’ve been caught)
^^^^^^^^Sounds like liberal rules......
Where is the town of Ausfart.
There are signs pointing to it at every autobahn exit, but never a sign telling you that you are there.
Top... Oh, I forget.
email this a.m. Author unknown;)
I understand that you don’t have a ton of extra time to read books, so I’ve
compiled a short list of books that can be read at a single sitting:
World’s
Shortest
Books
MY BLACK
GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger
Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al
Sharpton
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT
BILL
By Hillary Clinton
___________________________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT
HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
_____________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOWTO BE
TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO: THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFETO THE
FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED
BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie
O’Donnell
_______________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE
DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FINDTHE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK &DRIVE
SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
______________________________
MY BOOKOF MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introductionby
The Rev. Jesse Jackson
____________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A
SUPERBOWL
BY THE DETROIT LIONS
___________________________________________________
My Complete
Knowledgeof Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
________________________________________________________
And the shortest
book of them all...
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL
PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
author unknown
Movin out
Two men were having coffee, when one of them said: Last night, my son just walked into the living r oom and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop. Please give my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Then sell my car. Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”
The other man said:” Wow, he really said that?”
“Well, he didn’t put it quite that way. He actually said...’Dad, I’ve decided to work for Obama’s re-election campaign.’
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