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Dealing with gay family member situation (vanity)

Posted on 12/08/2011 11:52:02 AM PST by AUJenn

We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.

I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.

It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.

If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: family; gayfamilymember; homosexualagenda; sin
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To: scripter

I came to the same decision


221 posted on 12/08/2011 6:17:24 PM PST by manc (Marriage is between one man and one woman.Trolls get a life, I HATE OUR BIAS LIBERAL MEDIA.)
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To: Melas

I know its difficult for you but please, try to follow along. Hasta manana.


222 posted on 12/08/2011 6:17:40 PM PST by scripter ("You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." - C.S. Lewis)
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To: Melas

I know its difficult for you but please, try to follow along. Hasta manana.


223 posted on 12/08/2011 6:19:21 PM PST by scripter ("You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." - C.S. Lewis)
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To: AUJenn

Anybody get banned yet?????? Whoooaaaa, I’m gettin’ outta here.

But not before I say how much I love MY family member, and there is nothing that will ever change that.


224 posted on 12/08/2011 6:35:25 PM PST by EnquiringMind
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To: AUJenn

Hate the sin but love the sinner. And love the little one. The child’s life is going to be difficult as it is. Loving family members can help.


225 posted on 12/08/2011 6:55:40 PM PST by trimom
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To: albionin

Homosexuals are mentally ill and have a disproportianately high rate of molesting the young. There is no reason why their behavior should have society’s stamp of approval. What to speak those who practice same sex acts are the vectors of a long list of horrible diseases, many incurable or fatal, more so than any other group of people. They are an entire class of social health hazard.


226 posted on 12/08/2011 6:57:23 PM PST by little jeremiah (We will have to go through hell to get out of hell.)
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To: Melas

Maybe the world needs more innocence and less worldly-wise cynicism?

;-)


227 posted on 12/08/2011 7:02:03 PM PST by little jeremiah (We will have to go through hell to get out of hell.)
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To: EnquiringMind

I see that you bought the liberal lie that disapproval equals hatred. Tell me, if they were a drunk, a drug addict or a pedophile would disapproval still be hateful?


228 posted on 12/08/2011 7:23:09 PM PST by DJ MacWoW (America! The wolves are here! What will you do?)
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To: DJ MacWoW
It's as simple as this. The abomination of homosexuality led to the rape of children by Jerry Sandusky at Penn State. Sodomy was a sin in the Old Testament and it remains so today. God is not mocked! And I'm thankful that Free Republic is a beacon of moral clarity in a sin-infested world.

GO FR GO!

229 posted on 12/08/2011 7:59:21 PM PST by re_nortex (DP...that's what I like about Texas.)
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To: little jeremiah

I’ll amen to that.


230 posted on 12/08/2011 8:30:29 PM PST by Melas (u)
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To: AUJenn

There is no easy answer.

Personally, if she is sweet and wants to bring along her friend, I would have no problem. I might ask her to be discrete if there are kids nearby, but tell you the truth with all the stuff on tv (e.g. Glee) even here in the Philippines my 10 year old granddaughter knows about gays.

If she asks if you approve of her lifestyle, well, answer it the same way you would anyone else who is divorced, living out of wedlock, drunk, cheating on the spouse, a member of the mob, or a republican politician running for president(;->):

Tell her you love her but you are praying that she will find God’s love in her life and grace to follow his commandments.


231 posted on 12/08/2011 8:55:51 PM PST by LadyDoc (E)
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To: AUJenn; little jeremiah

The best advice I can give is : Prayer and perhaps some guidance from your Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi. Independent study of Scipture never hurts, either.

I hope this helps,

Alan


232 posted on 12/08/2011 10:17:30 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (Chairman Obama And Ron Paul Are Sure Signs The Republic Is In Serious Trouble. God Help Us All.)
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To: AUJenn; little jeremiah

The best advice I can give is : Prayer and perhaps some guidance from your Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi. Independent study of Scipture never hurts, either.

I hope this helps,

Alan


233 posted on 12/08/2011 10:17:59 PM PST by Absolutely Nobama (Chairman Obama And Ron Paul Are Sure Signs The Republic Is In Serious Trouble. God Help Us All.)
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To: teenyelliott

You post made an important point. This thread isn’t simply about lesbian family members. It’s really about how a Christian should deal with family members who are unrepentant sinners. Just about every believer with family has had to deal with this situation. It’s isn’t easy, but I think some of the posters have offered outstanding advice.


234 posted on 12/08/2011 10:31:53 PM PST by CitizenUSA (What's special about bad? Bad is easy. Anyone can do bad. Aspire to be good!)
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To: teenyelliott

You post made an important point. This thread isn’t simply about lesbian family members. It’s really about how a Christian should deal with family members who are unrepentant sinners. Just about every believer with family has had to deal with this situation. It isn’t easy, but I think some of the posters have offered outstanding advice.


235 posted on 12/08/2011 10:32:06 PM PST by CitizenUSA (What's special about bad? Bad is easy. Anyone can do bad. Aspire to be good!)
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To: CitizenUSA
Note to self: Proof read posts more thoroughly before hitting post button.

“It's isn't...” Egad!
“You post...” Geesh!

Sorry, FRiends.

236 posted on 12/08/2011 11:13:46 PM PST by CitizenUSA (What's special about bad? Bad is easy. Anyone can do bad. Aspire to be good!)
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To: AUJenn
Life is a bowl of cherries, isnt' it?.....we have a couple of gay men in our extended family.....it makes no sense to be haters....we're Christians and sometimes it sucks to have to try to love everyone...but we don't have to like the situation...

one dtr at one time briefly thought she loved another girl.....I'll tell you...that was the most horrible part of my life so far, not as bad as losing my mother and father, but pretty sad for me....you question everything you've ever done in your life...

I have one dtr who has Aspergers.....when you have a child that doesn't turn out quite right, you pull your hair out and question yourself constantly...

what did I do wrong?....

the jist is....we're on this train called life but we're not the conductor...hang on tight.....it can be a bumpy ride....but since God is the conductor, we'll be AOKAY....

try to focus on being a good mother, good grandmother...things will work out the way they re going to work out....

take care, friend...you are not alone...

237 posted on 12/08/2011 11:21:00 PM PST by cherry
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To: cherry

and a good sister too....or aunt...etc....keep love in your heart and who knows what can happen....


238 posted on 12/08/2011 11:29:42 PM PST by cherry
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To: AUJenn

This is a very difficult situation, and I can see where you might lose a bit of sleep over it.

My first instinct is to feel sorry (in advance) for the child. He or she will be coming into a weird situation, which is also less stable than a regular married mother/father home. I myself grew up in a “problem” home (not this kind — different problems) and I must say it helped me a lot to visit other, happier homes and see how things were there. Kids aren’t stupid, they can *see* if things are better somewhere else. As the child visits your home, he may well see that your situation, with an intact mother/father home, is superior. You’ll never have to say a word to him. He may come to you when he’s 20 and thank you for being a good role model.

(Of course, gay relationships tend to be more volatile, so since the baby will belong to the girlfriend, not your relative, in five years this may all be a moot point.)

As for what to say to your children ... well, what do you say to them when your other relatives display behaviors you don’t like or agree with? True, this is more extreme, but what do you say when your relatives smoke? (If that bothers you — it does me.) Or if they curse a lot? Or are liars? I tell my kids that we can love our friends and family without agreeing with everything they do, and some things (here I name the problem behavior) are just not acceptable to our household, and we don’t agree with them or do them. (Don’t know if this approach helps you — it’s simply what we do.)

Good luck!!!


239 posted on 12/09/2011 12:52:23 AM PST by Hetty_Fauxvert (Our GOP candidates: Good grief, is this really the best field we can put together???)
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To: shelterguy

re: “The way to “deal with the issue” is to accept the fact that the 1800’s are over and in this century sometimes boys date boys and girls date girls. Either accept that or stay in the past.”

I accept the fact that people do immoral things all the time - adultury, murder, rape, molestation, theft, homosexuality, infanticide, etc. - but I do not accept that kind of behavior as morally right. That doesn’t mean I’m to treat people who do these things in a cruel way or to have a “holier than thou” attitude. I just do not “accept” their behavior as correct.

If you want to accept homosexuality as normal and morally correct - go right ahead and join the crowd. I tolerate the fact that others differ on their opinion on all of this. The woman who originally posted her question was asking advice on how to express her tolerance of something she disagreed with morally in a kind, yet morally acceptable way for her.

Throwing away one’s moral standards is not always the best advice. But, that’s my opinion.


240 posted on 12/09/2011 1:46:30 AM PST by Nevadan
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