Posted on 12/08/2011 11:52:02 AM PST by AUJenn
We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.
I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.
It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.
If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -
I came to the same decision
I know its difficult for you but please, try to follow along. Hasta manana.
I know its difficult for you but please, try to follow along. Hasta manana.
Anybody get banned yet?????? Whoooaaaa, I’m gettin’ outta here.
But not before I say how much I love MY family member, and there is nothing that will ever change that.
Hate the sin but love the sinner. And love the little one. The child’s life is going to be difficult as it is. Loving family members can help.
Homosexuals are mentally ill and have a disproportianately high rate of molesting the young. There is no reason why their behavior should have society’s stamp of approval. What to speak those who practice same sex acts are the vectors of a long list of horrible diseases, many incurable or fatal, more so than any other group of people. They are an entire class of social health hazard.
Maybe the world needs more innocence and less worldly-wise cynicism?
;-)
I see that you bought the liberal lie that disapproval equals hatred. Tell me, if they were a drunk, a drug addict or a pedophile would disapproval still be hateful?
GO FR GO!
I’ll amen to that.
There is no easy answer.
Personally, if she is sweet and wants to bring along her friend, I would have no problem. I might ask her to be discrete if there are kids nearby, but tell you the truth with all the stuff on tv (e.g. Glee) even here in the Philippines my 10 year old granddaughter knows about gays.
If she asks if you approve of her lifestyle, well, answer it the same way you would anyone else who is divorced, living out of wedlock, drunk, cheating on the spouse, a member of the mob, or a republican politician running for president(;->):
Tell her you love her but you are praying that she will find God’s love in her life and grace to follow his commandments.
The best advice I can give is : Prayer and perhaps some guidance from your Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi. Independent study of Scipture never hurts, either.
I hope this helps,
Alan
The best advice I can give is : Prayer and perhaps some guidance from your Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi. Independent study of Scipture never hurts, either.
I hope this helps,
Alan
You post made an important point. This thread isn’t simply about lesbian family members. It’s really about how a Christian should deal with family members who are unrepentant sinners. Just about every believer with family has had to deal with this situation. It’s isn’t easy, but I think some of the posters have offered outstanding advice.
You post made an important point. This thread isn’t simply about lesbian family members. It’s really about how a Christian should deal with family members who are unrepentant sinners. Just about every believer with family has had to deal with this situation. It isn’t easy, but I think some of the posters have offered outstanding advice.
“It's isn't...” Egad!
“You post...” Geesh!
Sorry, FRiends.
one dtr at one time briefly thought she loved another girl.....I'll tell you...that was the most horrible part of my life so far, not as bad as losing my mother and father, but pretty sad for me....you question everything you've ever done in your life...
I have one dtr who has Aspergers.....when you have a child that doesn't turn out quite right, you pull your hair out and question yourself constantly...
what did I do wrong?....
the jist is....we're on this train called life but we're not the conductor...hang on tight.....it can be a bumpy ride....but since God is the conductor, we'll be AOKAY....
try to focus on being a good mother, good grandmother...things will work out the way they re going to work out....
take care, friend...you are not alone...
and a good sister too....or aunt...etc....keep love in your heart and who knows what can happen....
This is a very difficult situation, and I can see where you might lose a bit of sleep over it.
My first instinct is to feel sorry (in advance) for the child. He or she will be coming into a weird situation, which is also less stable than a regular married mother/father home. I myself grew up in a “problem” home (not this kind — different problems) and I must say it helped me a lot to visit other, happier homes and see how things were there. Kids aren’t stupid, they can *see* if things are better somewhere else. As the child visits your home, he may well see that your situation, with an intact mother/father home, is superior. You’ll never have to say a word to him. He may come to you when he’s 20 and thank you for being a good role model.
(Of course, gay relationships tend to be more volatile, so since the baby will belong to the girlfriend, not your relative, in five years this may all be a moot point.)
As for what to say to your children ... well, what do you say to them when your other relatives display behaviors you don’t like or agree with? True, this is more extreme, but what do you say when your relatives smoke? (If that bothers you — it does me.) Or if they curse a lot? Or are liars? I tell my kids that we can love our friends and family without agreeing with everything they do, and some things (here I name the problem behavior) are just not acceptable to our household, and we don’t agree with them or do them. (Don’t know if this approach helps you — it’s simply what we do.)
Good luck!!!
re: “The way to “deal with the issue” is to accept the fact that the 1800’s are over and in this century sometimes boys date boys and girls date girls. Either accept that or stay in the past.”
I accept the fact that people do immoral things all the time - adultury, murder, rape, molestation, theft, homosexuality, infanticide, etc. - but I do not accept that kind of behavior as morally right. That doesn’t mean I’m to treat people who do these things in a cruel way or to have a “holier than thou” attitude. I just do not “accept” their behavior as correct.
If you want to accept homosexuality as normal and morally correct - go right ahead and join the crowd. I tolerate the fact that others differ on their opinion on all of this. The woman who originally posted her question was asking advice on how to express her tolerance of something she disagreed with morally in a kind, yet morally acceptable way for her.
Throwing away one’s moral standards is not always the best advice. But, that’s my opinion.
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