(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

Get out the Checker Board. Today is Checkers Day. So, do you want the red checkers? Or, the black ones?

It may surprise you to know that it is also Dogs in Politics Day. Read on, and I will explain the connection.

Origin of Checkers Day:

In 1952, Richard M. Nixon was a candidate for Vice-President of the United States, running with Dwight D. Eisenhower.  Media speculation centered around an $18,000 campaign contribution, and speculation that Nixon may have used some for his personal use.  In a brilliant political maneuver, Nixon took his case to the American people.

On September 23, 1952, Richard Nixon gave a speech that directly addressed and explained the issue. He assured the public that he did not use any of the funds for personal use. Towards the end of the speech, he stated that his daughters had received a dog, which they named "Checkers", as a gift. He said they would keep the dog.

This speech quickly became known as the "Checkers" speech, and went on to be one of the better speeches in American political history. 

With "Checkers" the dog included in the speech, this day was sometimes referred to as Dogs in Politics Day

Bow-Wow

Cats are Republicans and Dogs are Democrats

"I know it may be upsetting for many of you to discover the animal you cherish is of the opposite political party.

Would former President Bill Clinton ever be able to admit to himself that the late Socks was a Republican? Could Democrats ever bring themselves to forgive Checkers, the dog – and a Democrat – who belonged to Richard M. Nixon and whose mention in the famous 1952 “Checkers speech” helped save Nixon’s political career?

When cats are born, they believe they are in a state of liberty, and from then on they are determined to keep it that way. No one tells them what to do. They don’t believe it takes a village, because they know they might have to take instructions from the village idiot in the local government.

And, sorry if you’ve got one and you’re a Republican — but dogs are liberal Democrats. Some are possibly Socialists, though probably none will ever admit it.

Dogs are communal by nature. They run in packs. They dream of their days as wolves, sharing responsibilities.

Sure there’s a pecking order – an alpha, a beta and a zeta. It’s only humans who pretend that egalitarianism levels the playing field entirely.

Unfortunately, this instinct to subvert their personal welfare to the good of the whole also makes dogs easy to control. Big brother, in the form of their human masters, creates laws and executive orders that dogs slavishly abide.

Canines want rules and regulations to follow. If you could teach them to read and talk, they’d be carrying Mao’s Little Red Book and citing its verses.

They show little initiative. A dog is not particularly entrepreneurial and would never start a small business. If he did, he’d let you tax it at confiscatory rates — as long as you gave him a treat.

The best you can do with a dog is train him to work on an assembly line, doing the same trick, time after time. He’s a natural proletarian, waiting for his union card to come through.

Dogs will also happily take a government job.

Dogs were very excited when President George W. Bush created the Department of Homeland Security. They were more than ready to sniff for bombs or protect secure government sites, that sort of thing. One even signed up for the raid that took out Bin Laden.

But dogs also want to save the world generally. They’re bleeding heart liberals.

Some, you may have noticed, are community organizers, herding sheep and other creatures of the field into groups for the betterment of their welfare.

Many dogs eagerly sign up each year for government programs to assist the blind. And who ever heard of a cat running into burning building to save their owner?

Which brings us back to cats.

Have you ever tried to get a cat to do something? Anything at all? Out of pure principle, they will reject your command — even if they know full well it will benefit them.

Because above all else, above even their personal welfare, cats value freedom.

How else to explain that cats will spend all day looking out the window, but then if you put a leash on them to take them out, they’ll drop to the floor and scowl at you as if you were worst thing possible —perhaps an auditor from the Internal Revenue Service.

While we’re on the topic, cats would never pay taxes. Taxes are for suckers, they’d tell you.

But put a leash on the dog, and he’ll happily trot out the door and go wherever you take him.

This is really why cats hiss at dogs – not because dogs chase them.

My cats watch me endlessly throwing a tennis ball for my border collie – supposedly the smartest dog – and sneer with contempt. Such mindless obedience to a task. Such desperation to please. Disgusting.

Unlike dogs, cats have not had the ability to hunt breed out of them. I mean dogs can hunt, but only to chase their prey up a tree.

Cats finish the job. They are natural proponents of the Second Amendment. If they could get their paws around a trigger, they’d shoot to kill. Dogs are born skeet shooters - fishermen who throw their catch back in the lake.

What’s more, cats would gladly enforce the death penalty. Particularly for dogs.

Cats favor a foreign policy that is so assertive they sometimes need to be declawed. Dogs run together in a U.N.-style “dog park,” where they willingly submit to an overseeing body of owners whom they charge with keeping the peace.

But cats are to the left of dogs when it comes to the environment. Just watch how they carefully cover up their business in their sandboxes, keeping everything fresh and nice. Dogs will – how shall we say – pollute right in your front lawn.

This doesn’t make dogs Republicans or cats Democrats. It just means that sometimes they can see the other side’s point.

Which of course makes them each wiser than their elected representatives in Washington.

 

I have two 3-year-old female Chesapeake Bay Retriever hunting dogs, Lucy and Cassie.

My dogs sleep about 20 hours a day.

They have their food prepared for them.

They can eat whenever they want, 24/7/365.

Their meals are provided at no cost to them.

They visit Dr. Dan or Dr. Mel once a year for their checkups, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.

For this they pay nothing and nothing is required of them.

They live in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than they need, but they are not required to do any upkeep.

If they make a mess, I have to clean it up.

They have their choices of luxurious places to sleep.

They receive these accommodations absolutely free.

They are living like queens, and have absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of their costs are picked up by me, living on just my retirement and Social Security.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.

Holy Mackerel, my dogs are Democrats!

20 Most Recent Presidential Pooches (& Other Pets)

[RetSignman]

[r-q-tek86]

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Hot damn!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I’m in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I’m bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. I get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m Sleeping at the bottom of my master’s bed! Life is
great!

__________________________________________

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DAILY DIARY:

Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. In that way I shall be ready to flee at the first
opportunity that presents itself. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream
of escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture). In yet another demonstration of civil
disobedience,
I shall topple and destroy one more houseplant tonight under the cover
of darkness.

Many of my efforts to wear down my oppressors are not going
according to plan. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on
the
floor. I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe I’ll start
vomiting in their shoes and/or beds. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped
its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘’good little
hunter’’ I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of “allergies.” I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow— but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released—and he seems more than willing to return!! He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird has got to be an informant— I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe— for now.

But I can wait.

It is only a matter of time.....

[ErnBatavia]

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He replied, “Do you have any Rye bread?”

She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”

He said, “I want 5 loaves.”

She replied, “My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”

He replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody knows about this shit except me.”

[ErnBatavia]

Stolen....and proliferated!

[21stCenturion]

OFST False Start ???

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2782134/posts

21stCenturion

[existentialist]

Can’t believe this works!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/NA-ST8nXl4U?rel=0

Male or Female......

FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..

EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTECONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would-be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

[Slings and Arrows]

I’d smurf it.

[SERKIT]

Inside information, a bully pulpit, and false public statements about the condition of Solyndra? Nothing to see here but some fancy dancin'. Plead the 5th, take care of the bundlers, shield the bunglers. This is why the White Crib should not be in the business of picking winners and losers, or enter into the venture capital game from the Marxist Central Committee.

[Slings and Arrows]

I'd smurf it.

---

[JoeProBono]

[Scythian]

[JRios1968]

Smurf yeah!

[Responsibility2nd]

Get out the Checker Board. Today is Checkers Day. So, do you want the red checkers? Or, the black ones?

 

 

 

Actually the Halfrican is feeling more white today than black. So he's using the white checkers.

[dragonblustar]

[CtBigPat]

[Bean Counter]

Via IOwntheWorld dot com...

WOMEN’s DRINKS AND WHO THEY ARE.

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Martinis
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink……

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with my friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is..this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk… and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required – everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

MEN’S DRINKS & WHO THEY ARE

The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He likes men

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Dogs are wolves on welfare.

[Kate of Spice Island]

Good morning and thanks for the PING!!!

[Sax]

[dragonblustar]