|
Posted on 04/30/2011 10:02:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
|
Mornin’, Pastor! Thank you for bringing us to Cracker Barrel today! Would it be possible for me to have the Fried Apples AND the Hashbrown Casserole, with one poached egg and turkey sausage? YUMmmmmmmmmmmy - I love Cracker Barrel!
Yes - seniors and Vets DO respect our flag and our Troops!
The world is out to stamp out Christianity. In Europe it is well advanced ahead of America. Suffice it to say America is going the same path as Europe, and most of the rest of the world. “Any religion will do”, NOT!!! “Any thing that seems right to a person is fine”, NOT!!!
God is not mocked. Choose wisely.
“Today I have set before thee life and death , ... choose life”
God id good, God is love, God instructs us how to please him. It is not onerous.
Read the Holy Bible it has all the answers to whatever the need is.
What a cute graphic! Thank you! If your a worm, sleep late...is a good move! :)
Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!! Very smart bird!! Thank you!
Food on the table, enjoy and what a lovely day!
|
Lamh Foistenach Abu!
LOL
A clever thief!
Thanks, Yorkie.
Thank you, Pam.
Hope you are having a Terrific Tuesday.
Happy Tuesday, Conor.
Thank you for sharing that precious picture. It brings back memories of long ago.
Have a super fun day.
Lamh Foistenach Abu!
Forgot My Glasses
Yesterday my daughter asked me why I didn’t do something useful with my time. She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. So I did and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, “Are you nuts? You’re 70 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She took it, looked at it and then said to me, “For heaven’s sake, you must have forgotten your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!”
I’m in trouble again and don’t know what to do! I signed up for five jumps a week!
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.
“I never went to the prom, which was probably for the best because the only person who asked me to go was the janitor.” -Jimmy Kimmel
***
“Country music resonates with Scottish people — getting drunk, getting your heart broken, and getting drunk again.” -Craig Ferguson
***
“Subway sandwich shops are testing out several upscale restaurants called Subway Cafes. They feature wood paneling, lounge seating, and other things to distract you from the tuna fish being served with an ice-cream scoop.” -Jimmy Fallon
***
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.”
Great post thanks.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your mind and . . . begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread,” go to question 2.
2. Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk.” What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk,” please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
reading something more appropriate such as “Children’s World”. If you said, “water” then proceed to question three.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks”, what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said “glass,” then go on to question four.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land?”
Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors” then proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said “360 degrees” or anything other than “one degree,” you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and
exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator — You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU, Read the first line in paragraph 6!!!
Your stories and graphics, poems and jokes keep me smiling all day, Dubya.
I hope you are doing better.........((((HUGS))))
Thank you I am doing better. I still have a lot of Dr. appointments. Almost every day. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN.
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking
tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come
tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to
get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don’t forget your husbands.”
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers’.
Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome!
Everyone come for a fun time.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”
The sermon tonight “Searching for Jesus”
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping
and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our community.
Don’t let worry kill you off-let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.-
prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the
park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday:
“I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
