Church Bulletin Bloopers
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking
tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come
tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to
get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don’t forget your husbands.”
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers’.
Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome!
Everyone come for a fun time.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”
The sermon tonight “Searching for Jesus”
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping
and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our community.
Don’t let worry kill you off-let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.-
prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the
park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday:
“I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.”
Because I’m A Man
Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what the heck I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these darn computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer.
Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t an issue.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together or that I could simply have claimed it on my contents insurance.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, or food, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay, I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mom, too!
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the 21st century, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I’ll do the rest.
Believe it or not:
Whitney Houston has had the most consecutive hits.
The only song to ever hit # 1 twice was The Twist by Chubby Checker.
Termites eat wood twice as fast if you play loud music.
The first rap song to hit # 1 was Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
The Beatles have had the most # 1 hits.
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out” Decca Records on rejecting the Beatles in 1962.
The Beatles “Hey Jude” held the #1 spot the longest.
Keep on rockin’!