Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
I don't really have anybody I can talk to about this that would understand. I don't expect FR too either, but it's as good a place as any to vent.
You know what I do? I get up every day and go to work. I do my job and get my work done. I come home. I do it again the next day. And then again, and again, and again.
When I am dead, the most anyone will ever say about me is "he went to work ever day". If I were to simply drop dead, everything would pretty much be as if I had never lived. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy and I don't expect to. When my life is over with, the world will not be a better place, no one's lives will have been improved, and the evil that lives in the world will not have been pushed back.
This leaves me feeling....sick inside my soul. As if something is very, very wrong. The only thing I really look forward to is burying myself in the mundane of the normal to the degree that I do not think about these things. By and large this works, but some days I take my head out of the sand, and the result of that is days like today.
I've tried many things. When I was in school, I spent time every week in a nursing home. It did the folks there good to see anybody. But it did not fill the void. I am a blackbelt in karate and used to exercise a lot. It was good for me, but it did not fill the void. I have good friends, but I don't see them as much as I used to. We're all out of college, have jobs, and some have kids now. But even during the heyday of college, I couldn't fill the void with other people. I have hobbies. They're fun, but they leave me empty. I don't want to drop everything and be a drifter, but I don't want to sit still. I am not into carousing and having casual sex with whatever comes along. Never have been, and I'm fairly certain it would make me feel worse. I am a Christian; I do not speak to God as much as I should, but I do at times. He is supposed to have purpose for me, but I don't know what it is. I hope He has something for me other than work 9-5 until I'm dead.
A lot of people will say that your purpose is what you make of it. Every bit of evidence and observation I have tells me that's true. Yet I don't believe it, and never have.
In before "man up you wuss".
NO!!!!!! he has a very mild form of depression if he even has it. NO MEDS, James -- they are horrible. Only if you feel you are tempted to end it all should you go to a pill-pushing MD. If you just need someone to help you do things to make your life more meaningful, you should choose a BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOLOGIST who will help you in small ways to get you off the couch and out there into life a bit more, with no ghastly side effects of SSRIs. And believe me, if you walk into a MD, a psychiatrist's office, he will be the hammer and you will look like a nail, and he will put you on meds you do NOT need. Start with upping your nutrition as in my previous post. It will be better for you and faster working than SSRI meds. I believe you will be fine with mild adjustments in diet and lifestyle.
Count your blessings with your sorrows
Leave out not a single one.
For God did give them all to you
And even His own Son.
She had a few lines naming a few of the beautiful, simple things we rush through life taking for granted, like the smell of fressh mowed hay and the purr of a close-by cat, but the essence is that all of these things God gave to you individually because He made you so you could sense and feel the realness of them all. Pity the poor Angels, unable to fill every hour with the smells and sights and feel of all that God has created to surround and include us in/with.
You aunt was a very wise woman.
“Next, are you thinking at all about dating, marriage, children? I have a lot of female friends, and most of them have paired up and had kids, and while they have a lot to complain about, they do feel fulfilled, especially by their having had kids. The one friend I know of who feels terribly unfulfilled is a successful writer who has been published and everything, but no kids, just a live in boyfriend. SHE of all people, she who has MADE a mark in literature on the world, feels unfulfilled often, like her life has no meaning. So maybe there is something to this reproducing thing! :) (But I know having kids is not for everyone...)”
Interesting you mention writing. I tried to write a novel once....got about 1/3 done. About 30,000 words. I re-read it once and realized what utter fail it was. Still have it stored away somewhere, but my job does tend to sap all my creativity and energy. I have not motivation left by the end of the work day.
As for kids...I’m not dating. I’ve done only a little of it, ever, anyway. I don’t do well in groups of people I don’t know, especially when there are potentials for romantic interest. I just feel that I have more severe issues to work out before I inflict all of this on another person.
Such a comment! If you have inner peace I remark that it appears quite shallow!
Or St Therese.
“You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love at which we do them.”
bttt VIDEOS:
Comparing Yourself To Others Pt.1 - Dennis Prager
I’d agree, but I ain’t a gal and I ain’t in KY, so I can’t do either for him.
But there are Freepettes!
I'll second that.
“This will only distract him from his pain, which may be better than nothing, but it will not get rid of his pain so he can find inner peace. As soon as the distraction’s effect has worn off, it is likely he will be worse off. “
Definitely worse off. I can’t do “casual sex” as the world sees it. People tout it as a way to have fun without entanglements, which is utter BS in my mind. A lot of people may not admit it, but sharing a sexual union with another person creates a deep, powerful emotional union as well...one that should not discarded lightly or treated cavalierly. This is true for women AND men, much as the latter may not want to admit it. To do so inevitably damages you in deep ways. I have enough shit broken already, I don’t want to add to it.
The unlimited death and misery in the world should not make you happy to be relatively better off. It should make you angry that others are experiencing it. The “glass half full” view is definitely a more pleasant way to live but there seems to be something very wrong about it.
That is wise.
You get to help the community, and your fire department.
You’re a Christian, have you ever read Mere Christianity? C.S. Lewis has some interesting thoughts in there that I found helpful.
The first thing is to realize, that there *are* no ordinary people. You might think you are *just* a guy, but who do you think was a small time swiss patent clerk with a boring job who dabbled?
I have a challenge for you, today. Something small, something easy. Go to an all-you can eat chinese restaurant if there’s one nearby. Get what you want off their meal, but at the end of the meal, give the gal who’s got to clean the tables and the food a 20 dollar bill.
Just for doing her job. Ok. Tell me what kind of reaction you get.
“Find the local fire department and volunteer.
You get to help the community, and your fire department.”
You think they’ll let me charge headlong into a burning building like a complete dumbass to drag people out? :D
That may sound strange, to deal with depression. But remember, God planted a tree in the Garden which just eating the fruit of it would extend life forever! It was that other tree, the one touted as making one as wise as a god that got Adam and Eve in trouble. Take the mega dosing of D3 and monitor yourself to feel the change taking place! It really works, FRiend.
Very wise. Get whole and healthy yourself and then you will be able to share the joys of life with someone else, actually, with everyone else that is receptive. There are some who wish to stay unhappy and they succeed. Stay away from those kind of people until you are whole, then they won't even bother you. All my best to you. I know you can do it.
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