(=:>ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd<:=)

[Lucky9teen]

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?
"President Obama signed the landmark healthcare reform bill into law on Tuesday. I'll tell you how excited the president is. Today, he changed his slogan from 'Yes, we can,' to 'Yes, we finally did something.'" --Jay Leno

"Well, as you know, healthcare reform was passed by the House last night. Supporters of the bill say the American people now get the same health benefits that members of Congress get. Now, if we can just get some of their other perks: free travel, envelopes with cash, get-out-of-jail-free cards..." --Jay Leno

"I have been thinking about the healthcare problem and how to pay for healthcare. If you took all the money the Republicans have spent trying to stop healthcare and all the money Democrats have spent trying to get healthcare, we could afford healthcare." --Jay Leno

"And to help sell this plan to the American people, President Obama said it's the same plan Congress has. See, I think that's a mistake. I think that's why a lot of people opposed it. Have you seen members of Congress? Do they look healthy to you? Anybody here want to be as fat as Barney Frank? Huh? You want to be as orange as John Boehner? I don't think so." –Jay Leno

"President Obama is turning up the pressure on Congress to pass this health care reform. In fact, he's telling Democrats, if they don't vote for this bill, he will go out and campaign for them in November." -Jay Leno

"It looks like Democrats have their 60 votes for healthcare. Harry Reid said the bill will save us hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, it would have, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars we had to pay to buy the 60 votes." –Jay Leno

"The healthcare bill won't have a public option. But Obama was like, 'The public option is not the most important aspect' of the healthcare bill because 'only a few million people' would benefit from it. And then a few million people were like 'Ummm . . . we can hear you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The health care overhaul will extend coverage to 30 million people who are uninsured, or, as Walmart calls them, employees." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama says that Congress is very close to getting a new health care plan, but due to compromises, it 'won't include everything that everybody wants.' For instance, it covers everything except trips to the doctor or the hospital." –Conan O'Brien

"The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'" –Jay Leno

"Congressman John Boehner told a crowd of protesters yesterday that the new health care bill was the 'greatest threat to freedom he's ever seen.' And then the Taliban was like, 'Uh, helloooo? What?!'" –Jimmy Fallon

[absolootezer0]

true yes, but its from michigan about 10 years ago.

[Lucky9teen]

Separated At Birth?

[Lucky9teen]

[Hoffer Rand]

I'm most turned off by the size of his conscience.

I haven't been able to find a microscope large enough to see it, yet.

[a fool in paradise]

"I have been thinking about the healthcare problem and how to pay for healthcare. If you took all the money the Republicans have spent trying to stop healthcare and all the money Democrats have spent trying to get healthcare, we could afford healthcare." --Jay Leno

Says Jay Leno, near billionaire.

I do think that there has been a tremendous environmental impact of wasted resources (paper, electronic media, tax dollars, and human time-energy) on the myth of man-made global warming.

[Hoffer Rand]

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 (nothing but the best) cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY

-—— Democrat’s Answer: -——

- Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
- Does the man look poor or oppressed?
- Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
- Could we run away?
- What does my wife think?
- What about the kids?
- Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
- What does the law say about this situation?
- Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
- Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
- Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
- Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
- If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
- Should I call 9-1-1?
- Why is this street so deserted?
- We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
- Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
- I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
- This is all so confusing!

-—— Republican’s Answer: -——

-BANG!

-—— Southerner’s Answer: -——

- BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

- Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy!’
-’Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Gold Dots +Ps?! ‘

-Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’

-Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!

[Jo Nuvark]

BUMP!

[a fool in paradise]

I'm still partial to comparisons of Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, et al to the coven of Satanists in Rosemary's Baby.

[synbad600]

Loved that movie, loved that show, had that T-shirt.

[Lady Jag]

[synbad600]

I know a girl who worked in the WalMart warehouse and made over $17 an hour.

[Lucky9teen]

[a fool in paradise]

Hey now, there are supposed to be 57 stars on that flag, comrade.

[BigFinn]

[gimme1ibertee]

WOWOWOWOW!!!! I couldn’t POSSIBLY laugh any harder!!!

[doubled]

Just so I can find this thread again

[ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas]