Why Women Are Called Sluts When They Sleep Around, But Men Aren’t

therawness.com ^

[libh8er]

You often hear women, especially feminists and sluts, complaining about how it’s such an unfair double standard that men are called studs when they sleep around, yet women are called sluts. It’s really not a double standard though, because both scenarios are pretty different in terms of circumstances and consequences. I can think of at least three crucial differences.

First, sleeping around is easier for women. Regardless of how you feel about promiscuity, we can all agree that a guy who manages to rack up a lot of sexual partners has to have some skills. It’s challenging for men to rack up partners, even for men with low standards. It requires a certain amount of social intelligence, interpersonal skills, persistence, thick skin, and plain old dumb luck. For women to rack up a lot of partners, however, it pretty much only requires a vagina and a pulse. So a man whoring it up and a woman whoring it up are hardly the same thing because for a woman to get a lot of partners is absolutely no challenge, hence no one respects it. It’s just viewed as a lack of self-discipline when women indulge in lots of sex partners because they can get new ones whenever they want. When men get lots of sex partners, it’s respected more because getting lots of sex partners, for men, is a challenge. This is just human nature: people gain respect for those who accomplish challenging feats while they consider those who overindulge in easily obtained vices as weak or flawed.

Second, women do more harm by sleeping around than men do. Say a man sleeps around with a bunch of different women. He is definitely doing harm to these women if he pretends to be monogamous while sleeping around with these multiple partners. He may cause them emotional pain by his promiscuity. He may cause unwanted pregnancy. He may spread venereal diseases. When women sleep around, however, they can cause not only these same ill effects but one additional crucial ill effect: the risk of unknown parentage. If one guy sleeps around with five women, each of whom is monogamous to him, and they all get pregnant, it’s a safe bet as to who the father is. If one woman sleeps around with five men and gets pregnant, it could be anybody’s baby. And if a man is tricked into raising a baby that isn’t his, he is basically investing his time, money, estate and property to provide for a child that is not carrying on his DNA into the next generations, which is a costly mistake from an evolutionary standpoint. Our two basic primal drives are to survive and to reproduce, and promiscuous women traditionally make it hard for a man to know for sure whether he is truly reproducing or simply raising another man’s child. Men stand a lot more to lose from promiscuous women than the other way around. And it’s no picnic for the child to not know who his real father is either. And it’s a mess for the women carrying on the deception as well. Or just look at any random episode of the Maury show if you don’t believe me. Considering that the DNA test and the birth control pill had not existed for most of human history, meaning that there were no reliable ways to prevent pregnancy or prove parentage, society for many centuries had a vested interest in preventing promiscuity among women and society accomplished this by creating the slut stigma. And even though the creation of birth control and DNA tests have made this less of a risk than the past, longstanding traditions and customs are not easy for society to break.

Third, men have evolutionary reasons to be programmed to sleep around. A lot of women roll their eyes when they hear that men are “hard-wired” to sleep around. But from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes total sense. If the two primal drives of humans are to survive and to reproduce, nothing leads to maximum reproduction like one man sleeping with multiple women. If one women slept with many men, in a nine month period, she would still only get pregnant just once. Nine months of rampant promiscuity would give the same result as nine months of highly sexed monogamy: one pregnancy. Now if one man sleeps with many women, you can get many pregnancies. The more women he sleeps with, the more pregnancies. So from an evolutionary standpoint, there are concrete advantages to men sleeping around with multiple partners rather than women.

These three reasons are probably why the longstanding tradition came about of men being rewarded for multiple partners while women get socially punished for similar promiscuity. Of course all this is gradually changing, but we’re up against centuries of tradition here, so don’t expect any dramatic reversals or anything.

Now a lot of people are going to read all this and dismissively think Oh this guy is just being a typical man and trying to justify every man’s dream: cheating and polygamy. But believe it or not, I don’t really think male polygamy is all it’s cracked up to be. Despite what most people assume, polygamy actually may benefit women more than men. Most dudes think a society of widespread polygamy (specifically polygyny, where one man can have several women) would just be a utopia of every guy sleeping with every woman under the sun. Some economists think otherwise though. The basic argument is that in a world where po

lygamy was acceptable, most of the women would be hoarded by the most successful men. As explained in this Psychology Today article:

The history of western civilization aside, humans are naturally polygamous. Polyandry (a marriage of one woman to many men) is very rare, but polygyny (the marriage of one man to many women) is widely practiced in human societies, even though Judeo-Christian traditions hold that monogamy is the only natural form of marriage…..Relative to monogamy, polygyny creates greater fitness variance (the distance between the “winners” and the “losers” in the reproductive game) among males than among females because it allows a few males to monopolize all the females in the group. The greater fitness variance among males creates greater pressure for men to compete with each other for mates. Only big and tall males can win mating opportunities. Among pair-bonding species like humans, in which males and females stay together to raise their children, females also prefer to mate with big and tall males because they can provide better physical protection against predators and other males.

In societies where rich men are much richer than poor men, women (and their children) are better off sharing the few wealthy men; one-half, one-quarter, or even one-tenth of a wealthy man is still better than an entire poor man. As George Bernard Shaw puts it, “The maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first-rate man to the exclusive possession of a third-rate one.” Despite the fact that humans are naturally polygynous, most industrial societies are monogamous because men tend to be more or less equal in their resources compared with their ancestors in medieval times. (Inequality tends to increase as society advances in complexity from hunter-gatherer to advanced agrarian societies. Industrialization tends to decrease the level of inequality.)

When there is resource inequality among men?the case in every human society?most women benefit from polygyny: women can share a wealthy man. Under monogamy, they are stuck with marrying a poorer man.

The only exceptions are extremely desirable women. Under monogamy, they can monopolize the wealthiest men; under polygyny, they must share the men with other, less desirable women. However, the situation is exactly opposite for men. Monogamy guarantees that every man can find a wife. True, less desirable men can marry only less desirable women, but that’s much better than not marrying anyone at all.

Men in monogamous societies imagine they would be better off under polygyny. What they don’t realize is that, for most men who are not extremely desirable, polygyny means no wife at all, or, if they are lucky, a wife who is much less desirable than one they could get under monogamy.

So basically, women complain about how men are allowed to sleep around and they aren’t. Meanwhile men wish polygamy had widespread acceptance. And the truth may actually be that male polygamy benefits the average women more than the average man. Who’da thunk?

[HospiceNurse]

Not a single one of the slutty females got pregnant without a slutty male.

You don,t have to be a rich or handsome man to sleep around. Watch Maury sometime.

The biggest problem with sluttiness arises from most men’s inability to say no to casual sex and yes to birth control. There is an epidemic of fatherless children in America.

[LongElegantLegs]

It is a true, and therefore an old remark, that the situation and prospects of a country may be justly estimated by the character of its women;
Lydia Child, 1832

As long as men demanded chastity in women they kept themselves as pure as snow. As long as no man would have been seen with a drunken woman the sweet young things sang "The lips that touch wine shall never touch mine." But now, when it is the loose living girls who pet and drink and smoke and go on wild parties who have the most dates, girls have cast their inhibitions to the wind and are just as tough as men want them to be. It was men's influence that kept women good. It is men's influence that is dragging them into the mire. Dorothy Dix, January 15th, 1941

[grey_whiskers]

You speak great wisdom.

Cheers!

[aruanan]

I took it another way,what you said that men start out thinking they are less moral and that fine young lass is waiting for us at the end of the journey. But maybe she isn’t or you’re killed. Perhaps this feeds into what you’ve explained further. I disagree. There are all manner of men who do not have to penetrate a warm substance for they have higher goals ahead. Many do not return or not the same and i shant go into that now. it is that MEN do not have to cheat or act like dogs and if women chose to ignore them then it is their loss ultimately.

You're still not getting it. Read Sexual Suicide by George Gilder. I use "overall" to indicate a general propensity noted throughout recorded history. It doesn't mean each and every man is like this, just enough in enough cultures across enough millennia that it's not surprising.

[txlurker]

This assinine drivel has to be written by a man.

[linn37]

I would bet money that its a very frustrated man.

[mad_as_he$$]

I read a story once about a woman who was trying to get child support. When asked by the social worker who the daddy was she said “I don’ts know, i was leening outs the window at the time puking.”

[esquirette]

Winner of the coveted daily “Esquirette LOL Award.”

[txlurker]

I would bet money that its a very frustrated man.

LOL!

[AppyPappy]

Women can’t get pregnant. Men cannot. Women are mire likely to get AIDS from a man than vice versa. Chlamydia doesn’t affect men so much. Syph and the Clap are easy to discover in men and get fixed.

So it is rather stupid for women to sleep around. They take all the risks.

[John Valentine]

Al your points are well taken but none of your points answer any element of the arguments put forth in the original screed.

You seem to be saying that men deserve a lot of blame: sure, but so what? Blame is cheap, responsibility comes dearer.

There seems to be no question that the burdens of unwanted pregnancy are at least an order of magnitude greater for the woman than the man (if you can find him at all). You ought to read The Moral Animal by Robert Wright. Very insightful on this very issue among others, and backed up by research.

[stinkerpot65]

It is wrong to sleep around because it is a sin that will send you to hell.

[RVN Airplane Driver]

It is wrong to sleep around because it is a sin that will send you to hell.

I wish you had told me that years ago.....I fear that my destiny has been secured, all because I wanted to make the ladies happy. Shows you where good intentions.....oh now I remember that saying: "The way to hell is paved with good intentions" As the kids say: "That sucks"

[Xenalyte]

Helps to have a list of us, doesn’t it?

[luvie]

Front and center!

:D

[RandallFlagg]

Ping-a-roonie!

[luvie]

Revel in your “slut-ness”! :D

Men don’t even “get it”!

[stinkerpot65]

Well, we are all sinners, and there is always forgiveness. As for your altruistic motive of “only wanting to make the ladies happy”. Yeah, right. Very noble. Just like Tiger Woods.

[JenB]

What’s the difference to the child between a mother who slept with so many men that she doesn’t know who his father was, and a father who slept with so many women that he has no intention or ability to be a real father? None.

Parents need to raise sons and daughters on the same standard - sex is for marriage, sleeping around is just as wrong for a teen boy as a teen girl. Doesn’t do much good to raise a good little virgin daughter if her husband comes with ten ex-girlfriends’ worth of kids and disease.