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Post some good jokes

Posted on 03/29/2009 7:41:27 PM PDT by A_cool_guy

I know some jokes, but I don't know any good political jokes!! Could everyone post some good jokes here?

Thanks,

A_cool_guy


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: comicrelief; freepun; humor; jokes; molassesmiasma; monkeyface; monkeyfacerules; penguinhumor; sionnsar; trolltimer; undeadthreadapril; zot; zotemifyougotem; zotthenewbie
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To: Pippin

Morning. I think.


1,981 posted on 04/20/2009 7:27:26 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: Monkey Face
Your 'falsetto' is actually just your head voice (I'm a natural tenor too, really a true contralto). If you 'open up' the inside of your head (lift your palate, raise your cheekbones, lower your jaw, relax the throat - think of inflating a balloon inside the back of your mouth) and DON'T lift or move your head while you sing scales or warmup exercises, you'll feel the tone open out and soften. Scrunching down the palate and tensing the throat while singing falsetto produces that piercing unpleasant tone that hurts to sing.

What feels like a shift into falsetto (and would be if we were guys) is actually your "break", where you shift from your chest voice into your head voice. Moving over the break is always difficult, but with regular practice you can keep the resonance of the chest voice as you move up into the head voice, and correspondingly keep the open head voice as you move down into the chest. That blurs the 'break' and makes it less audible (and more comfortable!)

It sounds like we have similar voices, and my break is right around F# or G in the treble staff. In English Renaissance music that was written for male altos, there's a lot of crawling around on either side of G, so I have really had to work on smoothing out my break.

With good coaching and regular practice, my break is smoother, my tone is better, and my range has increased into the bargain.

1,982 posted on 04/20/2009 7:31:00 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of ye Chasse, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: Monkey Face
No, the choir is not SUPPOSED to sing alone in the Catholic Church -- but in a lot of parishes the congregation seems to be afraid to sing.

Some parishes go so far as to seed the nave with ringers, to get the others to sing along.

1,983 posted on 04/20/2009 7:31:58 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of ye Chasse, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: Monkey Face
What do you mean "you think"? :o)

It's a good morning!

Well

In a wettish sort of way!

1,984 posted on 04/20/2009 7:37:18 AM PDT by Pippin (Time Lady of the Pings)
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To: Pippin
And they don't know where when or how he died?

We've got a pretty good guess, and in primitive areas with no records that's about as good as anybody's going to get.

I do genealogy, and back before the days of birth and death certificates and extensive government records, there are plenty of people who just vanish without a trace. I have a cousin who "went to Texas and was never heard from again" and nobody's ever been able to trace him.

If you had a close-knit family of course everybody knows what happened. But people travelling into remote areas, and people who didn't have any close friends or family, used to disappear with depressing regularity. Some folks went out West to sever their links with past life, because they were on the run from the law, or just wanted to get away from it all. They even wrote a song about it -

"Say, what was your name in the States?
Was it Thompson or Johnson or Bates?
Did you murder your wife, and fly for your life,
Say, what was your name in the States?"

Bierce quarrelled with almost everybody, divorced his wife, his sons died before him (one to alcoholism, one was shot in a fight iirc), so there wasn't anybody with a real motivation to find him while there was still a chance to find out exactly what happened to him.

But dying by violence in Mexico and being tipped into an unmarked grave is not something you have to go looking for.

Bierce was one of those folks who seems intriguing at a safe distance. I wouldn't have wanted to be his next door neighbor, though.

1,985 posted on 04/20/2009 7:41:16 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of ye Chasse, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: AnAmericanMother

Thanks, again! That’s pretty interesting and well worth trying.


1,986 posted on 04/20/2009 7:59:14 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: AnAmericanMother

I always sang in the choir as a kid. Teen, pre-teen. Actually, all through school, though in high school, I sang with the boys in the bass section. :o]


1,987 posted on 04/20/2009 8:00:57 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: AnAmericanMother

Hey! I do genealogy, too!


1,988 posted on 04/20/2009 8:02:20 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: Monkey Face

They don’t really mean it when the say “Sit anywhere you want.” at a restaurant.


1,989 posted on 04/20/2009 8:07:37 AM PDT by ThomasThomas (I just discovered that my neighbor cannot sing.)
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To: ThomasThomas

That’s what I hear. How is your play house coming along?


1,990 posted on 04/20/2009 8:09:50 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: Monkey Face
Well, that 'splains it! You just got in the habit of growling out your chest voice, singing over in the bass section. Very few true basses at high school age, the voice hasn't fully developed, you really have mostly light baritones which a female contralto can easily cover.

Bad habits are hard to break (I sang tenor in high school) but it can be done!

1,991 posted on 04/20/2009 8:09:51 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of ye Chasse, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: Monkey Face

Genealogy is fun! I’ve traced several lines of the family back into the 1600s, and now I need to start tracking them around England and Scotland. Easier to do now that so much stuff is on line.


1,992 posted on 04/20/2009 8:11:04 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of ye Chasse, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: AnAmericanMother

By high school, my music teacher had changed from my neighbor to a man I didn’t know, though one of my brothers had been in his class. Said brother has a better range than I do.

:o]


1,993 posted on 04/20/2009 8:11:55 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: AnAmericanMother

Most of my lines go straight to the Royalty from the Mayflower and the Anne. I did a neighbor’s genealogy when I was in Tucson, and our lines met at the Mayflower, to two sisters.

He was really tickled about that!


1,994 posted on 04/20/2009 8:13:42 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: Monkey Face
Nothing as exciting as that in our fambly.

One ancestor changed his name from MacGregor when he ran from the law in Scotland and wound up in the mountains of Virginia. Have a carriage maker, shoemaker, sea captain, lots of farmers, that sort of thing. Good Southern yeomen, heavy on the Scottish and Irish ancestry but a good admixture of honest Englishmen (the sea captain was from Kent, and the carriage maker was a true London cockney, born within the sound of Bow Bells - or at least within a few city blocks of the church of St Mary-le-Bow -- in 1795).

1,995 posted on 04/20/2009 8:40:03 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of ye Chasse, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: AnAmericanMother

Hmmm...maybe we have something in common, then. Now I’m curious!


1,996 posted on 04/20/2009 8:42:08 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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To: AnAmericanMother

I have never heard of Nylabone. Ash has rawhide chews. She eats out the middle and leaves the hard ends, which are pretty gross. I collect them a couple of times a day and put them back in her crate.


1,997 posted on 04/20/2009 8:48:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What can I do to advance Right Wing Extremism today?)
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To: Monkey Face

Good morning, for a few more minutes. Shannon and Ash are frisking out in the back yard. The grass is getting very deep, and Shannon’s obviously having Queen of the Serengeti fantasies. If the Serengeti had giant canines, of course ...


1,998 posted on 04/20/2009 8:50:53 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What can I do to advance Right Wing Extremism today?)
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To: NicknamedBob

This is true of Obama: “Whoever is in a hurry shows that the thing he is about is too big for him.”
~Lord Chesterfield


1,999 posted on 04/20/2009 8:51:22 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Communism - Hezbollah - Al Qaeda - Obama - Stone Age - CHAOS)
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To: Tax-chick

So, did you ask Shannon what role Ash is playing? Ash could be the element. ;o]


2,000 posted on 04/20/2009 8:52:20 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!)
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