Posted on 02/13/2009 11:47:25 PM PST by Swordmaker
Microsoft announced plans to open retail stores, hoping to boost visibility of many of its products and its brand. The move seems to be an effort to mimic the success that Apple has had with its retail stores. The news is just too tempting not to have some fun with. So here are some yet-to-be-officially-revealed details about the Microsoft stores.
1. Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have brushed steel walls dotted with holes—reminiscent of Windows security.2. The store will have six different entrances: Starter, Basic, Premium, Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of US$100 for no apparent reason.
3. Instead of a Genius Bar (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and explaining it's a problem with the hardware—not a software bug.
4. The Windows Genuine Advantage team will run storefront security, assuming everybody is a thief until they can prove otherwise.
5. Store hours are undetermined. At any given time the store mysteriously shuts down instantaneously for no apparent reason. (No word yet on what happens to customers inside).
6. Stores will be named Microsoft Live Retail Store with PC Services for Digital Lifestyle Enthusiasts.
7. Fashioned after Microsoft's User Account Control (UAC) in Vista, sales personnel will ask you whether you're positive you want to purchase something at least twice.
8. Xbox 360 section of the store will be organized in a ring—which will inexplicably go red occasionally.
9. DreamWorks will design a scary in-store theme park ride called "blue screen of death."
10. Store emergency exits will be unlocked at all times so people can get in anytime they want even if the front doors are locked.
Do you know something we don't about the Microsoft stores? Please let us know in the comments.
Arghh! ;-)
12. The Microsoft store will be staffed by computer professionals. Not hippies, teachers and graphic design majors.
I bet we could come up with a good one for Apple Stores too.
“When you show up, you will be allowed to choose from six different sets of clothes to wear.”
The store will open at 9:00 but it will take atleast 15 minutes for all the lights to come on and all the registers to start working.
You might like this:
The payoff to following your link was all the Olivia Munn Videos.
Heh, cute. You must not have spent much time around Mac folks (in or out of Apple stores) in the last decade.
10 years ago your characterization was truer, since the pre-OS-X Mac operating system was not embraced by software developers other than Mac-app developers. As a software (and hardware) engineer since the mid-70's, I found little to like about the pre-OS-X Mac OS. It was IMO a toy OS.
But OS-X has been, for 8 years, a development platform for professionals because of its Unix understructure and relative freedom from the development-unfriendly encumberances common to Windows systems. With X11, cross-compilers, solid and stable process control, virtualization support, etc. the Mac is now the best of all environment since you can also run Windows in a disposable VM to test your code (also Linux, other BSD Unix, etc.).
As a computer professional myself for 35+ years, I've used damn near every small computer/OS, designed and built more than a few, and in the past decade have come to appreciate the Mac from that perspective, though I still have and use a wide variety of machines and OSes.
From the user side, a lot of people who thought Macs were just toys for kids and artists have been learning for a decade that's no longer true. For example, I notice in your profile that you're a Rush fan. You do know that he chooses, uses, and boosts Mac computers, right?
So your characterization of Apple store staff is not just a touch biased -- it's simply not true. As to whether the Microsoft store will be staffed by "computer professionals", we'll have to wait and see. I'm not optimistic, ... unless you're saying that unemployed Windows professionals are so numerous that their best choice for a job is trying to sell Zunes and talking with illiterate users and their endless parade of virus-laden crap machines day after day.
lol...yeah, she is one smoking hot phony gamer...
With all respect it looks to me like you're relying on some decade old stereotypes yourself. About the only folks who get infected these days are the ones who aren't even smart enough to turn on automoatic updates, which thankfully isn't very many folks. Hopefully Microsoft will use these stores to help teach these losers the basics, and why wouldn't that be a good thing?
“About the only folks who get infected these days are the ones who aren’t even smart enough to turn on automoatic updates,...”
I used to be one of these “smart” people — until Automatic Updates loaded Service Pack 3 and my system crashed. Couldn’t even do a System Restore to an earlier date. Had to re-image to its virgin state. Happened to my sister, my bro-in-law, etc. The internet is filled with treads with postings about the same thing.
Turned off Automatic Updates, and manually install the ones I want, always excluding S.P. 3.
Sorry to hear that, not sure if you knew or not but Microsoft has a 1-800 number you can call with automatic upgrade errors, and they can usually repair almost any problem you come across. Keeping good backups is also a good idea. Good luck from here on.
I had backed up files about two weeks earlier so didn’t lose much. Also, the Microsoft 800 number was a travesty. When someone finally answered, the rep was rude, and would’ve helped — after I gave them a credit card number, which I wouldn’t do. I hate Microsoft.
We have extended warranty under Dell, and purchased their extra tech service program, which includes software and applications as well as hardware. That rep was great, and walked me through the process. Actually, now it’s like a clean, new system. I reinstalled only the applications we use and want. Oh... did I mention?... I HATE MICROSOFT!! MS Word sucks.
Well that's good to hear.
the Microsoft 800 number was a travesty.
You have to call the free one for Windows Update issues, not their normal tech support line. I just looked it up, it's 1-800-PCSAFETY in case you have a similar problem in the future.
Oh... did I mention?... I HATE MICROSOFT!!
Yes, you did. You should get an Apple Mac then, although it'll probably cost you more and take some time learning how it works. I wouldn't recommend you dare try getting something cheaper like Linux, then just trying to get basic things working often becomes a disaster. You might like the new version of Windows coming out later this year though, version 7, I'm running it in beta form and it's already better than Vista. Good luck whatever you decide.
And filled with duplicate software that works less well than the leading software most people use...
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