[Lucky9teen]

The PUNishment of it All!

• If pros and cons are opposite, is progress the opposite of congress?

• I would never be caught dead with a necrophiliac!

• Necrophiliacs put the fun back in FUNeral.

• I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

• Diploma: Da' man who fixes da' pipes.

• Someone's karma ran over my dogma.

• If Satan lost his hair, there would be hell toupee!

• Demons are a ghoul's best friend.

• Be cowful what you utter about udders. You cud be overheard...This could go on and on, but why milk it?.

• Someone stole the precinct toilet. The cops have nothing to go on.

• Fangs for the Memories: Vampire the Musical

• Confucius say: Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls, no walk.

• Confucius say: Man who spends time at cathouse spends night in dog house.

• Confucius say: Man who lay down with dogs, wakes up with fleas.

• Confucius say: Virgin like balloon. One prick, and all gone.

• Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

• Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

• Confucius say: Man who lives in glass house, change clothes in basement.

• If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

• If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

• Does fuzzy logic tickle?

• Macho: Someone who jogs home from a vasectomy

• Better: What we instantly feel when we realize our neighbor's problems are as bad as our own

• Dysentery: What you get when dissent merges with commentary

• Liberal: A church with four commandments and six suggestions

• Resume: The closest any of us will ever come to perfection

• Date: An organized meeting with someone who has yet to realize their intense dislike for you

• Dilemma: Trying to believe someone you normally trust when you know you would lie if you were in their place

• Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting

• Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning 'I quit but you won't know it for sure for a year'

• Irony: Buying a suit with two pairs of pants and then burning a hole in the coat

• Insanity: Driving forty minutes to a health club, then waiting thirty minutes to get on a treadmill for twenty minutes

• Progress: What you get when each mistake is a new one

• Kids: People to be nice to since they are the ones who will choose your nursing home

• Marriage: The process of finding out what type of person your spouse would prefer
  

  

[Lucky9teen]

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AND....
to all my FReeper FRiends!!

[ShadowAce]

Yea!!

[ClearCase_guy]

Top ten!

[Red Badger]

I will leave no pun un dun.............

[Obadiah]

[Travis T. OJustice]

Woohoo! Happy Wednesday before Thanksgiving since most don’t work on Friday!

[BibChr]

bkmk

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my funny FReeper Friends!!!

[Liberty Valance]

[Liberty Valance]

Howdy Pilgrim ;o)

[Larry - Moe and Curly]

Here are some more. Happy Thanksgiving.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

[Travis T. OJustice]

[Loud Mime]

Confucius say: Man who lose key to girlfriends apartment get no noo-key.

You can get four hands by doubling your fists

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And this is true, no bull: When in a biology class at Cypress College we were studying genetics, using “Indian” corn. The multi colored kernels were the subject of close study. I asked our instructor what color the darker kernels would be if popped, as in pop corn.

Instructor Alice Goldman paused, then said that since the ears of corn had shellac on them as a preservative, we'd first have to sand the shellac off before popping them.

“I have the perfect person in mind for that!” I said. Kernel Sanders!

The groan from the lecture hall was monumental.

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[Travis T. OJustice]

[Daffynition]

What do you do if you can’t fit into your clothes after Thanksgiving dinner?

You quit stuffing yourself, cold turkey.
Hope to fit in a smaller size after Thanksgiving?

That’s wistful shrinking.

[Carolina_Thor]

Two thirds of a pun is P U

[OB1kNOb]

[Sax]

[G8 Diplomat]

Heaven is when the police are English, the cooks are Italian, the government officials are German, the businessmen are Swiss, and the brewers are Irish.

Hell is when they’re all Arabs.

(OK, minus the cooks. I LOVE Middle Eastern food!)

[JRios1968]

Space Kitty