****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****

[Lucky9teen]

The 10 Most Disappointing Treats for Trick-or-Treaters
On Halloween night, some houses struggle with the idea of candy. There are good houses, and there are bad houses. The best trick-or-treaters know to avoid the latter. At the food site Serious Eats, we all love Halloween, but wish certain homes would just stop handing out the classically bad "treats." They weren't good last year, the year before that, or now. Our own Erin Zimmer put together this list of our top 10 Halloween treats that nobody wants...

	Toothbrushes Dentists and orthodontists should not be allowed to celebrate Halloween if they're going to get all tooth doctory on us. Do not bring your work home with you, folks! We all have a personal responsibility to brush, and maybe some of us will forget, but your complimentary bristles on a stick (instead of a Snickers) will not help us remember. It will make us despise you and your trade.
Raisins Little boxes of stuck-together shriveled globs are not what little kids schlep around the neighborhood for all night. When they say trick-or-treat, they want candy that will rot their teeth, not wrinkled grapes.  (Using an empty box as a kazoo-like instrument, though, is kinda fun.)
	Candy Corn The most polarizing candy of all. The fruitcake of Halloween; it just never goes away. If you love them, fine. But don't subject the rest of us haters to the sickeningly sweet triangle that tastes like neither candy nor corn.
Smarties and Necco Wafers These chalky candies are supposedly "fruit-flavored," but no fruit I know tastes like dust -- and makes everything eaten after taste like dust, too.
	Dum Dum Lollipops Usually, foods on a stick are yummy (corn dogs, ice pops), but Dum Dums just can't be included on that list. Not even if they were breaded and deep-fried and served at a fair.
Apples Long before "poisoned candy" scares, evil people were handing out apples instead of candy on Halloween. This disappointing "treat" is the main reason to avoid unwrapped food while trick-or-treating.
	Tootsie Rolls It looks like chocolate and sort of smells like chocolate, but the mini brown tubes are not real chocolate. They taste like watered-down chocolate, and have a chewy texture that will strip the fillings right off your molars.
Miscellaneous, Wrapped Hard Candies Halloween is supposed to be a holiday for young people, not senior citizens who suck on hard candies all day. Something about the strawberry-shaped strawberries, gold-wrapped butterscotch, and peppermint feels past the expiration date. (These usually get set aside for Granny.)
	Laffy Taffy I do not laffy when I get these. I sobby. I get depressedy. Because it gets all stucky to my teethy and doesn't even taste that goody.
Anything Fun-Sized Who started calling it this? Since when is one bite fun?! Give us the rich houses with the sprawling driveways and full-sized candy bars any day. Portion control doesn't need to start this young.

[Lucky9teen]

---

 

~ Click here to be added or taken off the list ~

What is your favorite candy?

[CrazyJoeDivola]

Yeah - my wife shows me last night the stuff she got to hand out at halloween and she plans to hand out these little halloween bags of pretzels - I told her “you’re cleaning up the toilet paper in the yard as a result of this”.

[CSM]

WooHooo! Much needed silliness. Thanks for keeping it going.

[ShadowAce]

tOP 5?? i’M IN!!!!

[ErnBatavia]

http://www.snotr.com/video/1299

[FreedomHammer]

My father-in-law’s brother gave out scoops of ice cream once way back when he was in college ... yup, unpackaged scoops of ice cream dropped right into their bags.

I’d have to say that’s got to be way up there on the worst treat list.

[vietvet67]

I was gonna pass out stock certificates but the kid will say “Are you kidding me mister?” :-)

[ErnBatavia]

I consumed my last Tootsie Roll less than two weeks ago....it pulled off an old dental crown, which exposed two more that needed replacement; a $2400 (and that’s with a discounted plan) piece of candy.

[fml]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: ‘I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.’

She answers, ‘ My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’

‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’

She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’

The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’

‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

‘My dear child,’ said the nun, ‘Why are you crying?’

‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.’

The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.’

[the_devils_advocate_666]

[ErnBatavia]

I'm one up on your wife.....I pass these out...

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

I stopped in a convenience store and the person ahead of
me was trying to buy some Tootsie roll pops.

The candy was not in their computer and the saleslady
couldn't find the price.
I told her “The last time I bought some, they were two
cents”.
I forgot to tell her that was about sixty years ago.

[CSM]

OK, I don’t know how to post pics, so someone might want to bring the silliness from post #14 on this thread on over here.....

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2112795/posts

[killer_rat]

I once had someone give me spaghetti in a zip-lock bag for halloween—they had run out of candy. No joke. The next day, they were power-spraying tomato sauce and noodles from their vinyl siding.

[JRios1968]

[crusty old prospector]

Naughty, naughty. Do you feel shame for your actions?

[mlocher]

Who started calling it this [fun size]? Since when is one bite fun?! Give us the rich houses with the sprawling driveways and full-sized candy bars any day. Portion control doesn't need to start this young.

Of course, the trade off is getting a lot of "fun size" candies with little walking between welcoming doors vs. getting one big candy bar, but having to walk several hundred metres between houses.

It is no fun to drag your 3 or 4 year old this far between houses. Besides, if one of the "fun sizes" should accidently disappear (smile), it won't be noticed. But the big bars, sadly, are always noticed when missing.

[Red Badger]

You left off these yummy (NOT!) treats!............

[killer_rat]

I suppose I do, looking back on it now. But still, who the hell gives out spaghetti for halloween?!